what they don't understand

yesterday it was in a classroom
where she felt the world's judgment.

her make-up covered so much of her face
that they couldn't notice the difference
in facial expressions as they ridiculed her.

they judge for what they can't possibly understand.
she thought as she started to let her make-up run
as fast as her feet to her bus.

but when she got home, the same thing
that always happened did again.

she'd take a shower to cry with the dripping
water and then cover the scent of her mistakes
with her little bottle of perfume.

(she was just like mary magdalene.)

but no one understood why. no one knew
the voices that went through her head or
screamed at her at home; no one knew why
she needed the pound of make-up and the
clothes that she did. no one knew what she
had been through and how, when she was
too young to have known better, traded her
heart for this prostitution. but no one could
look passed that detail of her being to love
her so justshe felt herself go
deeper and
into it.

it's not that she didn't love her Lord,
she just didn't know how to change.

and she was scared.

she kept looking away from Him
because she wasn't worthy enough to
look upon his face and no one ever told
her that heaven wasn't about good deeds.

well, they told her but they never showed her.
they kept reminding her of all the ways that
she wasn't living the way she should be and
all of the various ways that she needed to change
if she wanted to be good for the rest of the world.
but they said scripture to back it up but if it was about
perfection, she wasn't sure if that's what she wanted.

she was just waiting her whole life to be loved.

she knew that there was a loving God out there
somewhere but at this point she was too far gone
to have the opportunity to be loved by him.

... walking out the door that evening after
school, there was a car that came too close
and hit her head on.

she went into a coma.

at school people made rumors of how
she did it on purpose and called her
suicidal (again without knowledge of the truth)
and not offering to help her.
at least not most of them.

one little girl had hope for her.

every day, she came to the hospital and held
the hurting girl's hand. she didn't care that
the girl in a coma wasn't completely pure
or that she didn't have a good mouth.

the little girl was called to love everyone.
and one day her dying friend finally opened her eyes
shocked to find another hand in hers.

"this is what you are searching for,
this is what love looks like and this is
what God gives."

the girl who just woke up was speechless.
for a few minutes but her friend waited
for her to catch her breath.

"he loves you for who you are
and not who you aren't. he doesn't
hold anything against you. he gave his
life to save you. all you have to do
is ask for forgiveness and say i love you."

with her last words, she looked to the
sky in tears seeing an open heaven before her.

"forgive me, father. i love you."