Authors Note: Just a little something I wrote at 10:30 the other night. Kinda a recount, and I know it's short, but thats just what happens at 10:30 at night. One shot, of course, theres nowhere else to go with it. Sorry I've spent my time writing this rather than updating but it can't be helped for now...:D
The sun is shinning but she doesn't see it. She only sees the clouds coming in overhead and the shadow that falls beneath them. The birds are singing but she doesn't hear them. She only hears the cries of the dogs, begging to be freed from their backyard prisons, their howls filled with more pain then she can understand. She breeze is fresh but she doesn't feel it. The only thing she can feel is her heart, and how it aches.
She tries to remember what it was like to be happy. She remembers his smile, and for a second, her heart leaps, the memory making it warm. But then she remembers everything he said, and how he isn't hers any more, and she falls back into herself. She remembers him holding her in his arms, a brief hug before they parted – the last time she was with him. She remembers how warm and safe she felt there, and how she'd never rather be anywhere else. But once again, her brain reminds her that she isn't his anymore, and the memory fills her eyes with tears.
She walks across the oval; the dead, dry grass cracking beneath her feet. She slowly and deliberately places one foot in front of the other, arms held out sideways to balance her on the invisible tightrope. Then she slips, the rope breaks and she falls; a million miles to the ground beneath her feet. She picks herself up again, and looks to the sky. Taking a breath, she begins to run; a small spurt of forgotten energy, just enough to take her to the nearest bench, where she leaps onto it, and off again in the same step. She lands with her feet too close together, her knees buckling beneath her. She falls again, picks herself up and returns to the bench.
She lies down on the tabletop, her mp3 player resting on her stomach. She closes her eyes and breathes deeply, trying to forget, trying to loose herself in the angst ridden music blasting into her ears. But the more she tries to forget, the more she remembers, and the more each song reminds her of him. But she doesn't cry; she can't or she won't.
The wind picks up again, blowing her hair across her face. She leans into it and sighs, wishing for him. But he won't come. Is this what we've been waiting for? She implores the heavens, her eyes blank as she stares into space, looking but not seeing. Those brief moments of bliss, offset by the long nights spent trying to remember why we bothered in the first place.
She remembers the last time she was here. The sun was shinning, one of those days where everything seemed brighter and more beautiful. That day was filled with laughter, fun; there didn't seem to be anything but them, there; lost in that moment. Today, the sun is still shinning, but the shadows seem to take over. Nothing is bright, nothing is illuminated; it is all just there, dark and still. The clouds are rolling in. She can see them, building in the distance, coming closer. They promise her release, but first they have to build up enough reserves to let go.
She rolls off the bench and returns home, knowing that tonight she will be the same as the one previous, and the one before that. She'll spend it trying to forget how to remember him. She'll wish she could stop wishing for him. And she'll wake up still wanting him. And so it goes on. Is this what we've been waiting for?