Four Simple Steps
'No more camouflage, I wanna be exposed
And not be afraid to fall'
- Teddy Geiger, For you I will
According to most people, there are four steps which must be followed to tell a girl you love her.
Step 1 – Make friends with her
I've already done that. A long time ago, back when we were 5. The first time I saw Carrie was when I saw a cute looking 5 year old bending down and looking at the grass. I was quite puzzled as to what she was doing, so I bent down next to her and whispered, 'What are you doing?' Keeping her eyes on the grass, she whispered back, 'observing the ants.' Ever since then, we began to hang out more often, and we even entered the same school later on. We were known to be best friends throughout middle school, and no one could break our friendship.
And then we entered high school. She didn't like the whole concept of dating at all, she would always tell me, 'Chris, I just don't like the idea of dating. I have no clue why you love it so much though! It's such a waste of time.' And I would put my arm around her and say, 'Carrie, my darling, you're missing out on the good parts of life. We have only one life, why do you want to waste it?'
And she would whack me on the head and walk away. Many of my girlfriends thought Carrie and I had something going on, but at the time, we didn't. We were just really good friends and we didn't let anyone forget that.
Then, after a while, I started looking at Carrie in a more…um, non friendship way. I realized how beautiful she was, how enticing, with her soft brown curls framing her face and how I loved the tinkling sound of her laugh. I realized how it was so strange that she was constantly in my mind. The more I thought about, the more I decided that it were true. I decided that I no longer liked Carrie as only a friend. This made me perform Step 2.
Step 2 – Ask her out on a date
Trust me; this step is almost as hard as the next one. When I thought about asking Carrie out on a date, I thought about what she would think of me. Yes, lots of thinking in this step. Would she say that she didn't think of us that way? Or even worse, would she think that I was only asking her out as friends? It's a very scary thinking process.
Once I finally gained the guts to do it; I straight out asked her if she would go on a date with me. She smiled, and nodded. I cannot tell you how relieved I was. We went out on one date, and I can safely say it was the best date of my life. Never before had I been so comfortable on a date. We ate, we laughed and I had unbelievable fun. Once, I got home, I realized I hadn't done Step 3.
Step 3 – Ask her to be your girlfriend
Very difficult, indeed. I didn't even know if she had fun on our date. Oh god, guys were not supposed to be worrying about this kind of stuff. Plus, I had two basketball matches coming up, and I had no time to be thinking about some girl. Except this wasn't any girl. Damn, she had me wrapped around her little finger and she didn't even know it.
So, after lots of procrastinating, I finally managed to ask her. For a couple of seconds she just stared at me, but then finally enveloped me in a rib crushing hug. And then I kissed her and hell, I was glad I finally landed her. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. We started going out, and we had a great time, I would always kiss her at every opportunity I got, and she would still keep whacking me on my head. We still managed to be best friends and that part was great. Except, lately, I've realized something quite terrifying.
I was in, gulp, love. Okay, there, I said it. I loved everything about her, from her wake up calls early in the morning to her weird habits. I loved the way she managed to always pull me down for some sappy romantic crappy movie, I loved the way she was always threaten me when she wanted me to do something I didn't want. I loved the way she would always pull me to the back of the queue when I tried to cut across.
I loved the way she would always smile when I did something stupid in front of her. I loved the way she would always drag me out to gaze at the stars and how she would tell me, 'When I die, I'll be that star over there,' and point at a particular star and then she would continue, 'and you will be that star right next to me,' and she would point at another star. She would finish by saying, 'so we will always be together.' I loved how she squealed every time I bought her an expensive gift. I loved how she whacked me on the head every time I got a bad grade in a particular subject. I loved her; it was as simple as that.
Step 4 – Tell her you love her
Okay. Maybe it wasn't that simple. Oh, who was I kidding, it was hell complicated. Crap, I'm starting to sound like a sissy girl. But she made me like one! So don't blame me; blame her. Telling her I loved her, it sounded so hard. Actually, I would rather climb Mount Everest. Because in both cases, I would be out of breath in the end. Maybe I don't need to tell her. Yeah, maybe, we could always be together without me needing to tell her that I love her. Nothing wrong, right? Oh yeah. That tiny, irritating voice at the back of my head. Damn it.
'Morning Chris!' Carrie's cheerful voice pierced through my wonderful dream. She got into bed next to me and started singing some loud annoying tune in an attempt to wake me up. Still half asleep, I put my hand over her mouth so she would stop singing that annoying tune. She removed it and continued. 'All right, all right, I'm getting up,' I grumbled, making my way towards the bathroom.
Once I was ready, I asked, 'Well? Why are you so happy and cheerful today?'
She smiled and put her arms around my neck, 'Because today, we are going to have a lot of fun!'
'Is there any particular reason?'
'Do I need a reason to have fun with my adorable, sissy boyfriend?'
'Hey! I resent that!'
'You will. Now get up, let's go shopping!'
Oh god. I hate shopping. Well, I like seeing her in different dresses and all, but after a while, I get hungry. I have no idea how girls manage to stay so…alive while shopping. Ugh. Maybe they live on sugar or something.
So there I was, sitting in a boiling hot mall, looking at my girlfriend twirling around in front of me in different dresses, and I was wondering how to tell her that I loved her. What fun, huh?
She finally came out, and after looking at me said, 'Okay, okay, you're bored, I get it. How about we go out somewhere?' I rubbed my eyes. 'Mmm..okay, whatever you want.'
'Well, I want to be near you, so it really doesn't matter. How about we go home, watch a nice movie, and laze around on the couch?'
Finally. Something which will not kill me. Wonderful. Carrie laughed after seeing my face lighten up. Suddenly she said,
'Okay, pick. A Walk To Remember or The Notebook?'
'What? You've forced me to watch those horror movies plenty of times!'
'They're not horror movies, Chris. No need to be a drama queen. Or king, for that matter.'
'Fine, fine. Whatever pleases Her Majesty. Happy?'
'Delighted,' she replied, kissing me. She suddenly pulled away. 'Chris, are you okay? You seem kind of…tired.'
'I'm not tired. You just woke me up early, interrupting my dream about girls in bikinis.'
She whacked me on the head. 'Stupid guy,' she muttered.
Once we got home, she put on that Mandy Moore movie and laid a blanket on the couch, making it look rather inviting.
'Come on and join me,' She said. 'But wait, fix the DVD player first.'
While putting in the DVD, I decided I would finally tell her. During the movie. Yeah, I know, wrong time, but I couldn't really think of any other time.
So, halfway into the movie, I took in a deep breath and said,
'I love…' Except the only problem was that I couldn't finish the sentence. I just couldn't. I was impossible.
She paused the movie, looked at me expectantly, and asked me what I said.
'I said I love y…y…yelling.' I finished lamely. Maybe I just wasn't cut out for this whole love thing.
She raised an eyebrow. 'You love yelling?' She asked me. I cleared my throat awkwardly. 'Yeah, yeah I do.'
She continued giving me a weird stare. 'Are you okay?'
'Yeah, I am. Why? Is there something wrong in a guy who loves to…yell?'
'Well, no. But it was kind of random.'
'Well, I'm a random guy.'
She smiled and resumed playing the movie.
Carrie decided to stay over for dinner. My parents had gone out and it was only the two of us at home. She decided to make me dinner; she cooks wonderfully. And me? Well, I was just lazing around. Well, we're guys, you can't exactly expect us to work.
'Dinner's ready,' said Carrie. 'Or are you going to yell at me for giving it late? Just asking, because, you know, you love yelling and all.'
I rolled my eyes. 'Can we not talk about yelling?'
She laughed. 'All right, all right.'
'Hey, look, it's raining!' I said, looking outside at the drops of rain which were beginning to fall.
'So?' Questioned Carrie, bringing the plates over. 'If you look properly, you'll notice there's thunder and lightning as well.' I don't know how, but her voice suddenly seemed much smaller. I frowned.
'Carrie, are you okay?'
She laughed nervously. 'Of course I am.' Her voice came out slightly high pitched. 'Why do you ask?' Okay, something was really wrong here. Because Carrie's voice never got high pitched. Well, I suppose it did, but hardly ever in front of me. Except when she screams or squeals. But none of those were like this, so I knew something was wrong.
'Come here,' I spread my arms wide open and Carrie came towards me. I wrapped my arms around her and gently asked, 'Are you afraid of lightning?'
She nodded and said, 'I know, I know. It's a stupid fear, right? It's just that ever since I was young, I never liked lightning. And I always hated the dark.'
Just as she said that, the current went off. Great, so much for comforting her.
'It's not a stupid fear. It's a completely rational, logical, understandable fear.'
'You're just saying that,' she said, though her voice came out slightly muffled since her face was buried in my jacket.
'No, I'm not.'
'How do I know if you're telling the truth?'
'Because I would never lie to you.'
'And why not?'
'Because I love you.' I said, without thinking.
She became slightly rigid and then stepped away from me. She whispered, 'What?'
'I love you.'
She looked at me for a few seconds and said, 'what would you say if I told you I didn't love you back?'
'I'd say 'damn'.'
'Well, I'm sorry, but I don't love you back.'
For a couple of minutes, we were just silent, and I let this newly found information sink in properly. I knew I would be very upset for a long time, always in some pain, as if there was a pebble in my shoe every time I took a step. This really did suck. Suddenly, she said, 'April.'
'Today's the first of April, moron.'
I didn't see how today's date had anything to do with this painful moment. She came towards me, smiling, and put her arms around me neck. I looked at her in confusion.
'April Fools', sweetheart,' she said, still smiling, 'I love you too.'
A/N – Hey…!! Well, let me know what you think!
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