smashed to pieces

-

My fingers thread in my hair
right at my forehead making me
wonder—is it to hold it out of the way,
or because I'm so frustrated with myself?
(c)
I said so many things I didn't mean as
literally as I said them. I simply let so much go
without holding back or even
thinking
about it.
(r)
I guess you could say I'm
lacking judment today, or even that
I'm lacking every day.
(a)
Everything I do is wrong.
Everything I say is wrong.
Every breath I breathe is wrong
.
(s)
In my attempt to make excuses,
I'm failing—miserably. But
what would excuse this, honestly?
(h)
I was relieved to feel his fingers on my hips,
relieved to be pulled in by his strong amrs to his
solid chest,
relieved to hear him say I love you.

And then I collided with a
mental wall.
And smashed to pieces.