I miss when the days were simpler, and when i didn't know the word "depressed," but mostly I miss Mom and everything that makes her my mom.

-

I go downstairs to escape my own fate
slip down the stairs quietly
and turn into the kitchen to find some cereal
Mom is just coming up from the basement,
her arms laden with food
she inquires why I'm up and I tell her I'm hungry,
and continue with my cereal
in my agitation, I pull out the jug of water
and tip some into my Cheerio's, not understanding why the milk is clear
(the bottles are easy to confuse because
the water's in an old milk jug)
I get it straightened out and eat my tiny serving
Mom gets some cereal, too,
and for a few minutes,
I can talk about my day
and somehow still escape it
but when it comes to an end
I have to go back to bed
(back to my self-contained hell)
and feel it wash over me again
feel my tears fall
feel my guilt, my hate of self
and try to ignore the pain

a/n: I love you, Mom. But I miss you.
I wish I hadn't lost you too, but it feels like I have.
I just want you to be part of my life again.
I love you.