I'm drowning in my own self-pity

I'm choking myself with my recollections

Those bleak faces

With no eyes

Strapped down lips

No more revealing words

Hearing my heart beat in my ears

Cringe at the sight of my face in the mirror

Ignoring it

Destroying it

Hate seeing the blue rivers of blood sketched behind my sheet of skin

Scars of the past etched on the notebook of my flesh

Telling my story

Not yours.

Most days I stay lost inside my shell

Looking out through glassed eyes

Thinking where I went

My mind is spinning

Though at the same time it's blank

Stop the ride

Break the joint into two

Dead end

Play dress up

Play house

Make it seem perfect

Wear all black

Pain in my chest

Did my heart stop?

Clenched fists

Gasping reality

Squeeze out the lush life it beholds

Freshly squeezed

Let faith drink it for herself

Determine my destiny

Broken hearts and solitary confinement

Undressing the memories

Hold hands with the victim

No one can place ownership on me

Let me remind you

I belong to no one

Just try to tame me

I'll play nice at first

Then play with you

My mind is inhabited by a zoo of thoughts

The craziness I can't even seem to calm

Laying down on a bed of broken springs

Glassed eyes staring at the fading ceiling

Lost within myself again

Drowning in my own self-pity

Choking myself with my recollections

Those bleak faces

With no eyes

Strapped down lips

No more revealing words

No longer hearing my heart beat in my ears

Sit next to my empty shell

Calling my name won't wake me up

Watch

Watch the blue rivers of blood sketched behind my sheet of skin

They drain from their vessels

Veins now nothing but dim tunnels

And then read the final words I have written

Word scars etched on the notebook of my flesh

Searching for what happens next in my story

Did a girl like me ever get her happy ending?

Though, I guess your answer lays before you

No happy endings

Just endings

And a legacy to those who are still living

All they have to do is live a life of mere pretending