Write an opening of two-three paragraphs. It must contain a hook, a 'killer' opening, who, what, where, an inciting incident and a story question.
Chris Preston, forty- fifth President of the United State, collapsed to the ground, a bullet wound making a perfect circle through the centre of his forehead.
Bodyguards erupted from every crevice around the White House. Half of them went to kneel by the still body on the stairs.
One such bodyguard was Drew Farraday. His tough exterior did not betray his rebelling stomach as he watched blood stain the White House steps red. He looked away, swallowing hard, and saw something that made his heart stop.
Rewrite your beginning, this time making your 'killer' first line specific. Make sure you and the reader knows who the story belongs to. Pull the reader as close as possible to the viewpoint character. Show action through what's happening and setting/atmosphere. Situate the reader with small, precise details.
Drew Farraday didn't see the bullet. What he did see, was Chris Preston, forty-fifth President of the United States, fall.
The bullet wound created a prefect circle through the centre of his forehead and Drew's stomach lurched. The President's blood stained the front steps of the White House red, but Drew maintained his tough exterior.
He and four other bodyguards knelt by the still body. Mentally he scoffed at the title. Bodyguard. They had certainly failed this time.
Drew looked up to see where the bullet had been fired from.
What he saw made his heart stop.
A/N: So tell me, which did you like better? Why? I'd appreciate some feedback. Thanks!