This is What We're Subjected To

A/N: Some names have been changed to ensure confidentiality. Apart from that, this is just a funny collection of all the ridiculous things people say in my life. All real. Enjoy!

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1.

Rowena: I was admiring my butt this morning. Any man would be privileged to touch my butt.

Ashley: Or any woman. looks over at it

2.

Ms. Nathan: Try to remember all the Fs … and not the wrong Fs.

3.

While reading 'The Tempest'

YD: Subject his coronet to his crown, and bang –

Everybody: laughs

YD: Bend! Bend the dukedom …

4.

Still reading 'The Tempest'

Rowena: I should sing – sing?

Everybody: laughs

Rowena: I should sin to think but nobly …

5.

While getting our papers back from exams

Einstein: Did I get a sexy mark?

6.

Annette: A or B?

Ms. Phang: A, of course! Why would I start with B first?

7.

Mrs. Green: He can never wear a bikini. He'll expose explosively!

8.

Mrs. Green: Turkey has water, but Iraq has oil.

Rowena: You can't drink oil!

9.

Mr. Kitsch: How we gonna win? How we gonna win? How we gonna win?

10.

Rowena: strokes Ashley's arm Let's have sex.

Ashley: Just keep touching me …

Rowena: strokes more obviously

Me: stares at them weirdly

11.

While Ashley is giving Rowena a massage … don't ask how that happened

Rowena: Ah! I love you.

12.

Moments later

Ashley: Ah! What are you doing?

Rowena: I'm giving myself a massage. Matter-of-factly

13.

μ is pronounced 'mu' … this happened during math class while answering questions

Ashley: μ! μ! μ! muuullleee!

Rowena and me: Mule?

Ashley: Same thing!

14.

Andreas: I was born in the bathroom.

Me: That would explain your potty mouth.

Andre: No, that's a song.

15.

Mrs. Maine: We are in this shit together, so we must plow through this shit together.

16.

Ashley: Chuck it up your hairy ass!

17.

Note: Rowena had previously bitten part of her bottom lip off before this … don't ask how

Ashley: I'm hungry and I don't want to eat.

Rowena: I want to eat but I can't eat!

Me: You two should exchange mouths.

18.

Ashley: Math's a bitch!

19.

Announcer: You can wear caps, but only caps! I don't want to see any of you running with an umbrella!

20.

Rowena: points at my arm That's the colour of my boobs!

21.

Rowena: I think I know why … I, I, I … looks confused

22.

Mrs. Green: Don't frustrate me I've got a penmark on my face.

23.

While adjusting the temperature of the room

YD: I set to eighteen degrees, ya? Let you all die!

24.

Natalie: Do you want to follow me home and play hamster?

Ryan: I don't want to, your parents will be home.

25.

Out of nowhere

Some guy: Yay I can draw!

26.

Stacie: Let's run! Oh, no … wait stop! I've got sunscreen in my eyes.

27.

Announcer: as the first male runners reach the finish line Girls please do not crowd the track!

28.

Dad: I want to make … blah, blah, blah Yes, he really did say 'blah, blah, blah'

29.

Mum: Hilmary, where is my eyebrow? She meant eyelash curler

30.

Rowena: Ooh, you're wearing a bra!

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A/N: I'll update as soon as I get another 30 quotes from my sources. Please review, tell me what you think of all my friends, family and teachers! If you don't, I'll feel discouraged to post up more. (