The blissful feeling of the paddles turns to a burning sensation of guilt. I rather die. I don't deserve another chance at life and no one can tell me otherwise. I played my part in this Seer business and no matter how many times I've been brought back another part of me dies. Inside I already lost the fight, the fire and the self respect for myself and how can I lead a bunch of people who has faith in me? Who believes I could give them the peace they had in the past, a chance to free, save and not have this bitter world another fall to pieces in front of them again. So, I should just die. Right here on this table before I get anyone's hopes up again.
"We're losing her"
That phrase seems too familiar but yet so right. I watched everyone die around. People I love get hurt and watched myself wash their blood off my hands. The tears I shed have become the pool I float on and the coldness becomes the bitter person I turned into. This experience was life changing but also an eye opener to which life isn't promise to those of the weak but to those who have the will to fight. I had that fight but slowly had it pulled away from me and I've become the one of the weak.
"Bring the paddles!"
I'm Schuyler. The once strong, hopeful, fighter and now I'm Schuyler the girl who has a back lying on a hospital's bed, who has scars no one can heal, a mad man trying to kill her and hole in her heart. That's who I am and I embrace it.
"Sis, death is only the beginning. This is only your rebirth"
No Sara, death is my ending.
Schuyler? I could feel her but it's not strong as it was. I felt a tug at my sleeve and Max looked up at me with is his honey brown eyes with tears in them.
"What if mommy dies? Will I disappear? I don't what you to be all alone or mommy to die" he said tearfully. I shook my head and smiled down at him.
"Mommy isn't going to die for a very long time" I said. Once I said it almost sounded like a lie. I could feel her leaving us; I could feel her giving up to the madness around us. I sighed and placed my head in my hands.
"You could feel it too?" I looked up at Sara and she was looking off somewhere I couldn't tell. Her skin was pale and you could feel the tension vibrating off of her.
"She lost the will to fight. She's dying"
"She can't die on us. She wouldn't do that"
"She can, Alex. She's no God. She's only human. Issac has gotten to her and broken her down"
"How can you say that?"
"Because I know how she's feeling. All the lives she watched killed around her, the pain of all the faith from these people she's trying to save and what does she get in return? Nothing but scars, the guilt of not being strong enough to fight the guilty feelings, a broken family, lies and memories she never asked for"
"That's it? Guilty feeling and no faith? You win some and you lose some. The thing is you have to get back up and keep trying, if not then how will you ever know what you did was good enough? That you were good enough? We're given these struggles so we can overcome them and become stronger. If Schuyler decides to give up, then I'll do anything in my power for her to change her mind. That's my job and yours. So, don't give up on her"
"I hope your right, Alex" she said turning away from me
"She's back and she's looking good"
What I want is to live. I know I didn't chose this life for myself but it was given to me and accepting that is what I need to starting doing. Dying is a luxury that I haven't yet gain and when I do, it's because I finished what I was given which is regaining the peace the Seers.