A/N: I don't know where this one came from. I was just sitting at my computer after finishing chapter three of The Dark Side of Wonder and suddenly this idea came to me and I started typing. This is the result. I don't know if I'll continue it, but I think I might. I sort of like it. Anyway... on with it!

Chapter 1 Damnation? Temptation?

I had liked him for so long. 'Eleven years and change,' I thought dismally.

It was a startling revelation I made one afternoon out of the blue. It was a bad one to make too. I had a boyfriend. Why I was even thinking about another guy to begin with was a mystery to me. It's not like things were bad between me and said boyfriend. Things were going alright. So why was I suddenly sitting in front of my laptop, staring at the screen blankly, off in dreamland thinking about Jacob?

I shook my head, angry with myself. I was a terrible girlfriend. Instead of daydreaming about kissing my boyfriend I was daydreaming about kissing the most infuriating (but amazing) boy I had ever known. I was a huge sucker for loyalty. Cheating justified murder in my book. Almost. I was bordering very closely to becoming someone I despised. I was dream cheating! It sickened me, but for some twisted reason my mind kept drifting back to thoughts of Jacob.

'Damn you, mind. Damn you.'

What was so great about Jacob Anders anyway? He was such an annoying boy. He hadn't always been. When I first met him he was the total opposite of the boy I became reacquainted with years later. When I first met him he was quiet and his (fraternal) twin brother Mark was the talkative one. Well, he wasn't exactly talkative but he spoke more than Jacob. Or maybe I just imagined it. Maybe it was because I spent all my time hanging out with Mark instead of Jacob that I just didn't have the opportunity to see and hear him talking like mad?

I met him in second grade. I used to go over my cousin Alice's house after school every day. Alice lived next door to Jacob and Mark's cousin Kate Felton. Kate and I became good friends and she, Alice, and I used to play together all the time. Then Jacob and Mark started hanging out at Kate's house after school too some days.

I'd like to tell you I shied away from them and thought they had cooties. If only I had been such a girly girl like that. Nope, not me. Girl or boy, I didn't care as long as they were entertaining. I was a much too social child.

They were entertaining too. Often when they came over we played hide and seek. The dog house was a favorite hiding spot of mine and Kate's. I also liked a particular spot between a bush the side of Kate's house. Mark liked that one too – the jerk – always stealing my spot.

I wish I could remember more from that time, but I was young and a lot has happened to since that has taken the place of those memories. I do remember liking Jacob though. It was a child's crush and nothing more. I quickly moved on when I stopped seeing him after summer. Alice moved to Florida so I stopped going over to her house. Kate moved into an apartment down the street near my mom's house after a while, but Jacob and Mark didn't visit as far as I knew.

So I forgot about Jacob, or at least pushed him to the back of my head. I found new boys to crush on and changed a lot as a person between third grade and sixth. My self-esteem took a turn for the worst; I went from being sociable to social outcast. I had people I talked to. Kate and I still talked and hung out, though not as much. She was a year older and I had moved to live with my dad across town in fourth grade. We grew further apart, but we kept in touch along with our mutual friend Belle. Still – it wasn't the same. I wasn't the same.

Then sixth grade rolled around and what do you know? Kate is on my bus… as well as Jacob and Mark Anders. I didn't even recognize them. I recognized Kate obviously, but she had to reintroduce me to the boys who had grown up quite a bit in the few years since I had seen them. Mentally my jaw hit the floor of the bus when I found out that the hottie (yes, that was the word my sixth grade brain used to describe him…) sitting across the aisle was Jacob Anders. And he was suddenly very very talkative. Mark was quiet.

Maybe that was how it had always been and I had never noticed, but to me it seemed so very uncharacteristic. Jacob was also such a… boy. Meaning annoying. It wasn't immediate, but he started teasing me. I teased him back, of course. Sure my self-esteem was basically rock bottom, but I wasn't the type of girl where that meant I cried. Not anymore. After being teased for being a crybaby by my sister (who is almost eleven years older than me mind you), I became defensive when picked on. I became vicious, mean, and even a bit violent. Ok… very violent.

Jacob learned this the hard way, I'm afraid to admit. He teased me one day and I lost my cool, kicking him in the shin rather hard. And so it began.

He teased me and I kicked or hit him. Hit him in the arm, the head, wherever. Smacking him upside the head was my favorite pastime.

And yet… somewhere underneath all the violence and rude remarks between us I still liked the kid. How sick and twisted was that? I couldn't even stop myself from smiling and laughing at some of the jokes he made about me. Are you supposed to find that sort of thing funny? I mean he was making fun of me and I was laughing and kicking or hitting him. Talk about contradictory.

Of course, Kate had to pick up on the fact that I liked him. Then she teased me about that! Not so Jacob could hear her, thankfully, but still. She even had the nerve to try and tell me that it was weird because at one point I liked Mark. Except I never liked Mark. It had always been Jacob. The teasing about me liking Mark before she always said loudly enough for Mark and Jacob to hear. It made me blush furiously and I could do nothing to change her mind. I wanted to shout that I liked Jacob before, but that would be weird. I couldn't do that. Instead I just blushed and denied. 'Did not!' So very convincing.

Needless to say no one believed me. I wonder why. Insert roll of eyes.

In seventh grade Kate announced that she was moving to Alton and switching schools. She wouldn't be on the same bus. She wouldn't be in the same town. I'd be left alone on the bus with Jacob the extremely attractive Devil Incarnate. Did I mention how cute he had gotten? Lightly tanned skin, sandy brown hair cut to his ears, hazel eyes – not my usual type, but oh so attractive. He was pretty tall too. Not as tall as his brother Mark, but tall.

Kate left me. She left me and thus I was subjected to further torture at Jacob's hands. Or mouth. Tongue? That sounds… bad. Let's just say he had more rude remarks to make.

I often sat behind him and instigated I must admit. I'd smack him in the back of the head and giggle like I was high or something. Thinking back I am amazed that it wasn't obvious I liked him. To him I mean. Then again – he was… is… a boy. Boys are oblivious.

In eighth grade we were on the same team. Our middle school had teams. Three teams to a grade. Each team had four core subject teachers, a specific time for gym, a specific area of school where their classes and lockers were. We were on the Garnet team and our lockers and classrooms were located on the first floor, tucked away in their own little wing. We had our own bathrooms. We even had doors that cut us off from the rest of the school. Sometimes I forgot we had other students in the school actually, that's how separated we were.

Jacob and I didn't have any classes together, but our lockers were close by and I often saw him in the small hallway. It was hard not to. We still teased each other and I still hit him, but not as often. We even had the occasional civil conversation. We were friendly. Not friends, but friendly. I had said I hated him for a while. I had declared to my best friend Kristina that I hated him… for a little while. Of course it didn't last too long. Halfway through the year I admitted to Kristina that I liked him and the way she smirked told me she knew all along. I was too obvious and yet the boy still didn't seem to get it.

No, more likely he knew and purposefully ignored the fact. I will be the first to confess that I was fat. I was fat and unattractive. My hair (after an unfortunate haircut) curled oddly on my head, some curls tight against it, others limp. I was too lazy to bother straightening it all the time so I just let it look ridiculous and be hopeless. To top it all off I had braces and a pallet expander. Oh, and glasses. Let's not forget the glasses. I was your typical ugly duckling.

And the transformation to a swan still hasn't happened if you're wondering. Lost the braces, the pallet expander, the awkwardly curly hair, and a little weight, but I'm still not skinny at a UK size 16 on a good day. I still sport the glasses though I do have a pair of disposable contacts, but they're such a pain to put in I'd much rather just stick my black half-rim glasses on.

Anyway, he probably did realize I liked him and just ignored it because I was… me.

I'd like to say things got better in ninth grade, but they definitely didn't.

Jacob and I had Guitar I together. Oh, the joy! I still liked him and he still teased me relentlessly. Still, we laughed and had fun in class. I still hit him, he still kicked my chair while I was trying to play guitar, I still sent him a half-smile-half-glare constantly.

Then one day he made a big mistake.

See, everyone has one swear word they really can't stand- one name that they just loathe to be called. Well mine happens to be the 'C' word - cunt. Insert shudder at having typed it. I really can't stand that word. I get so pissed off at people calling me it I do crazy shit. Like punch them – which is exactly what I did when Jacob called me it at the end of the day as we waited for the final bell in Guitar class. He said it joking, but I snapped before I processed it. My fist came up and made contact with the side of his head before I even noticed what I was doing.

Did I mention I was wearing a ring? A silver plumeria (that's a type of flower by the way) that I had gotten on vacation in Hawaii over the past summer. Lucky for Jacob it wasn't my Sunnydale High class ring. And if the name Sunnydale rings any bells to you as being the name of the high school from Buffy the Vampire Slayer then I suppose now is the time to tell you that yes – it was the same. I owned a class ring made for the graduation (ascension) episode. I got it on Ebay. I was a huge fan – I am a huge fan – leave me alone.

Anyway, I punched him right in the side of the head and left a rather good sized bump beside his eye. Needless to say he never called me that name again. In fact we didn't talk much after that. No other surefire way to scare off the boy you like than to punch him!

But he wasn't scared off, at least not too badly apparently. He moved and didn't take my bus anymore so I didn't know that he still wanted to talk to me until tenth grade since we didn't have any of the same classes after Guitar I and I never used my locker so I didn't see him there.

In October our class took a trip to Washington, D.C. – fun times… no really. I'm not being sarcastic. Ok… yes I am.

At the time there was a guy I had met over the summer who I was talking to. He called me a lot on the phone. He even asked me out, but not being big on long distance relationships I declined. He still seemed to think we were going out though – frustrating to say the least. I mean it was especially frustrating when he thought he had cheated on me because he dated some girl in his hometown while thinking we were together. I will admit that it hurt. We weren't together, but the fact that he thought we were and he still dated her? Yeah – ouch. Thank god we hadn't been dating.

Even after that fact he continued to call me. I wanted to break ties with him since he was growing on my nerves steadily, but he cried and I'll admit that I was such a sucker for criers back then. Thanks to him I'm not such a sucker any more.

So we were in Washington, D.C. and I was still talking to Cole willingly then. We were at the Kennedy Center and I had just tried to make a call to him on the payphone except it was too noisy to hear anything so I had to apologize and tell him to call my cell later. I had forgotten it at the hotel earlier. I turned away as I hung up the phone and found Jacob leaning against the wall looking at me.

"Hey." Jacob said smoothly. I could feel the blush creeping into my cheeks at that one little word. I remembered our last encounter and the blush only grew.

"Hey." Terrific reply on my part! Bravo!

"Who were you calling? Your boyfriend?" He raised an eyebrow and glanced at the phone beside me.

"Yeah." Wait, what? "I mean no… he's not my boyfriend exactly. It's a long story."

Stupid much?

"Uhuh. What's his name?"


We made conversation after that as we walked back to the mass of sophomores standing around in the lobby. The conversation mainly centered on Cole, which made me uncomfortable, but once we exited the lobby onto the balcony it ebbed to nothing until Jacob excused himself to go hang out with his friends and I sighed heavily and sulked over to the railing to look down on Washington, D.C. at night. Not the coolest site, but not awful either I suppose.

At least Jacob and I were talking again. The conversation might have sucked, but he started it and that made me happy. I became happy far too easily.

The next semester Jacob and I had English together. It was a good English class. He and I joked and teased each other. We had civil conversations too. I even remember how I had a feather pen that he used to steal and wave in my face, tickling my nose. Was it wrong of me to get knots in my stomach from something that simple? I used to growl while grinning and tell him to knock it off, but I never meant it. It was the closest to flirting we ever came. The saddest part was that it wasn't flirting at all. It was just Jacob trying to annoy me.

Near the end of English Jacob came down with Mono. I didn't see him for a month or so. When I finally did see him it was when he and I were staying after to catch up on work we had missed. I'd have been happier about that fact if it wasn't for the fact that his girlfriend and friends would come and hang out with him while he worked. I hated his girlfriend. I just thought she wasn't a good person. It turned out I was right. She cheated on him with one of his friends later. That made me want to beat the bloody pulp out of her, but she moved before I could act on that urge. Lucky bitch.

The poor boy didn't have much luck in love it seemed. Well, he wasn't completely unlucky. He dated his fair share and not all of them ended badly, but he was cheated on twice. Both girls cheated on him with the same friend. Nick… Nick wasn't even attractive! Well, in my opinion anyway. I really felt bad for Jacob.

I shouldn't have though.

We stopped talking after English ended. We didn't have any classes together in junior year or senior. Well, I shouldn't say we stopped talking altogether. When I saw him he'd say 'Hey' and I would too. At Junior Prom we exchanged formalities and a few other words. He got a new girlfriend who was a grade or two younger. She was nice. I actually liked her. Not with him – yeah I know, jealousy is an unattractive quality – but I still thought Haley was a great girl.

They lasted the longest out of any of the relationships I knew Jacob to have. They were even dating in senior year for a bit. They broke up halfway through and I was completely shocked to hear it was because Jacob cheated. I didn't want to believe it. To this day I still question it. It's not because I think Jacob is some perfect god – far from it. I think he's the most arrogant, annoying, and stupidest boy ever. No, I found it hard to believe because the boy was cheated on twice and knew how much it sucked. I found it hard to swallow that he would do the same thing to someone else after knowing what it was like.

Still, I was told they broke up because he cheated and I didn't have the right to ask him for confirmation or for a denial.

In senior year I got a life. Yes, until senior year I sort of lacked one… but I finally got one and my run ins with Jacob became fewer and farther between. I pushed my crush on him to the back of my head like I had so many years before. I focused on other guys that I found attractive. Time passed and before I knew it we graduated.

I didn't see him at graduation or after. I haven't seen him since. I started dating my current boyfriend and then went off to university in Olympia, Washington – Evergreen University. I was a graphics design major with a minor in Japanese. Things were good. I didn't forget Jacob, but I didn't think about him either.

Until now. Now I couldn't get the damned boy out of my head.

'Damn you, Jacob Anders. Damn you.'

A/N: Ok... so there it is. I know it's rather casual, but it's from first person POV and it's the main character just remembering and recounting things so I think casual fits it best. Casual and very ramble-esque... a lot like my thought process. XD Right so... Read and Review?