only 17 on my dresser

-

I sit
and silently wonder
how many more times I'll cry
over this lost cause
before something changes.

I counted the folded up sheets of paper
today.
There were only 17 on my dresser;
maybe a few more scattered about.

The tears sprang up
in my eyes
and wouldn't take "no" for an answer.
(Only 17.)
(Only 17?)
(Just 17!)

Sometimes I wish I'd done more
before things ended up like this
but I'm realizing that
the harder I try,
the faster and harder
I fall down.

a/n: Have I ever mentioned that I hate myself?
Or that I've cried for almost two weeks?
Minor details, maybe.
But the main points of the life at current.