The Crawl

He's not the person I loved. He's another person. Then why should I love another person?

Part 1

Prologue

Dear Kana.

Damn it, I miss you damn much! But I can't believe we are finally moving back to Viersa along with that hell of a brother. But who cares about that Play Station 2 addicted freak? How are you? Are you still thinking of Brian? I want absolutely no frowning once I get to you. That damned idiot is heels over a girl here, look, he's dead happy. You seriously have to be heaps happier than he is, Kana! Remember I told you about this Goth girl and the punk looking porn loving dude? Well, they are finally back together. Brian hooked them once more, while in the mean time charming the silver headed Kaima. Brian kept remembering you once in a while that he ended up remembering the promise he gave you ages ago. He said he was sorry. He wrote you some kind of letter, well; I'll give it you once we'll meet, Kana. Well, white head with black tips is poking me to get off his comp. Mine broke down, so I'll only be able to chat with you, when I'll get to Viersa. I'll send you a sms, promise!!

P.S. BE HAPPY!! NO DAMNED FROWNING!! I'LL FLOOD YOUR BRAIN WITH YAOI ONCE I'LL GET TO VIERSA!!

XXX Yumi aka Stu.

Chapter 1

I gave out a small smile, as I re-read Yumi's letter once more, while blowing on my tea. I couldn't help looking at the letters which formed Brian without tears. I've been like this as long as I can remember. True, Phoenix said I was improving but I simply felt worse, day after day. Even after waving a photo of Leonardo DiCaprio I glanced at the photo in the dark blue frame. I kept a photo in a dark blue frame, thinking that it would match his dark blue eyes, which could be seen from behind his rectangular glasses. His face wasn't ghostly pale, but it was pale, but mine looks like a ghost these days. He had short black hair sticking in different directions slightly matching his characters in his comics. He drew comics, about a vampire called 'Red Blood'. There was barely any romance in it, but the drawings were awesome, up to the stains of blood which were on the crooked walls. But that was just a small reason why I loved him. When did I fall for him? Let's see… six years ago. I glanced at the date. I'm weird, but I exactly remember dates. Today I fell for Brian six years ago. Six years. Six freaking years. I felt tears run past my cheeks; I rubbed them off with my sleeve, not even bothering to open the new box of tissues awaiting me.

Not a merry way of starting my diary, but what can I do? My life is far from what people call happy. I opened the tissue box and took a tissue, while staring at my phone vibrate. I know that if mobiles could talk mine would have been screaming at me to pick it up. I wiped my tears away, ignoring the new ones which fell and replaced the ones I rubbed away.

"LIKE FINALLY!! Hey, Kana! I and Dani here will pop up to yours for a while!" Phoenix cherry voice rang in my ear along with Dani saying something in the background about something which was too fluffy. My name is Kana, but I'll explain about myself later. I gave myself out, by giving a sniff. "Kana, you crying?" Phoenix's voice showed a note of sadness. I heard Dani sigh, she was probably shaking her head and cursing at Brian with all of her literate swears.

"Hey, Phoenix. No, I'm fine…" I said trying to sound happy, but failed. I literally suck at acting, so it wasn't a surprise I failed with my task. I'm really useless at everything, on top of it, I'm quite depressed lately. I've been like this since the ending of summer. Summer's gone… That's the name of a Placebo song. Placebo really reminds me of Brian, but I still listen to them anyway. On top of that Brian shares the name and with a rock God.

"Don't worry we'll be right at yours in…" Phoenix stopped, I guess Dani quickly calculated the time we needed and showed the exact minutes they needed to get to mine. "…Thirteen and fourteen seconds according to Dani. Wait, she said the seconds might not be correct, but thirteen minutes defiantly!" She said. I don't really know why, but Dani's calculating was always a thing for me and Phoenix to surprise and make us laugh at one time. "Ok, Kana, see-you!" Phoenix said, but I heard Dani mumble 'that Brian is a complete degenerate'. Phoenix hissed at her, but I heard it anyway. I muttered a 'bye'.

I stared at the photo in the frame, before pressing my forehead against it, as tears ran from my eyes and fell from my chin onto my shorts, which I wore at home. Brian… I simply couldn't forget him. I loved him too much. I still had dreams about the moments when he liked me slightly. He never loved me, but he had some sympathy towards me. Then I'd wake up in cold sweat, because everything was simply gone. I put the photo frame aside, taking another tissue. Parents weren't home, so I had the whole house to myself. Before I'd turn Placebo on max and yell like mad at their '20th century boy' remake. Damn, I loved that song. I sang the '20th century boy, I wanna be your toy!' part louder than anything. No, I'm not perverted. But perhaps I am weird. Oh, well.

I guess I should introduce myself. I'm Kana Primavera. Perhaps you know, but primavera is spring in Spanish. I shall never know what my last name had to be spring, when I feel cold as winter. Brian was what you call a boy friend. But not only, had I known him from early childhood. Amelia, his mum was friends with mine from university. We kept growing closer year after year, well, I thought so… Then he promised me that he'd always be by my side. Always. Then he found out, my true feelings towards him.

-

"Kana… You really do… you know… like me?" He asked slightly embarrassed, as he fixed his rectangular shaped glasses. We were sitting on a bench in Dani's backyard, and then I later found out that everyone was spying.

"I…" I said as my gaze was on his dark blue converses. Brian gently took my chin, so my hazel eyes would meet his. I couldn't say it. I simply couldn't!!

"Do you, Kana?" Brian asked taking steaks from my hazel eyes. I simply nodded, as I bit my lower lip, he let go of my chin. I closed my eyes, so I didn't see his reaction. I felt him kiss my cheek.

-

I can't continue, about Brian. Several minutes were left until Dani and Phoenix would come, so I have to hold myself. It turned out; he was just holding his promise. That's all.

The door bell rang, causing me to put my tea on the table and run towards the door. I opened the door, knowing that it was Dani and Phoenix. Once I opened the door, I felt a blue nose touch mine. Dani began to laugh, along with a grinning Phoenix.

"A ME TO YOU BEAR!! AWW!!" I gave out a squeal, as I whirled the bear around. I saw those plush bears as the most adorable thing ever made on this planet. I had a dozen of them, but I simply couldn't get enough. Even the slippers which were on me were with heads of Me to You. Dani always saw them as too fluffy, but despite that she bought herself one from the first series, which were less fluffy.

"What about us, Kana?" Phoenix grinned, before I threw my arms around her and Dani. We've been best friends as long as I can even remember. True, we'd get in fights once in a while, but we were still the best of friends. Soon, I let go of them to see them both smile at me.

"Ok, I'll go make popcorn." Phoenix said with a grin as she took out a packet of microwave popcorn from her red bag. She flicked her long red hair back, before I nodded with a grin. Her emerald eyes showed her famous sparkle, before she headed out to kitchen, leaving me and Dani for a while. Dani fixed her oval shaped glasses, as she looked at my pale and tired face.

"Six years, is it?" Dani asked calmly, as she took her chestnut brown steaks from her light blue eyes. Like me, Dani remembered dates. Phoenix didn't remember all dates, but most of them. I simply nodded, biting my bottom lip. "I never liked Brian. He didn't seem very trustful. Kana, if it happened, it's simply meant to be. C'mon, I got a film, which will make you smile the whole week!" She grinned. Dani was a huge fan of romantic films. I'll kill her if she got 'Gone with the wind' or even 'Shrek'. I don't feel like watching romance films or with faint hints ever since I haven't seen Brian.

"Six freaking years, I lived in a lie…In a dream, which turned out to be a lie! Kissing someone, who wished this kiss to end the faster the better. Six years, melting in a fake smile. Six years, I loved a person, who didn't love me back. You think it's that freaking easy to let go?!" I said nearly yelling at Dani, who stood looking at me with shock, yet with deep sadness in her light eyes. I realised what I just did. I closed my mouth, before muttering a 'sorry' to Dani.

"Don't worry. I understand. I've never been in a relationship, but that doesn't mean I didn't like any male. I even do now. But that is nothing compared to your pain. There will be a light in the end of the tunnel. When you lose hope in everything, you fall in love. Simply believe, that that someone will turn your frown upside down." Dani said with a smile, before entering the living room which was slightly filled with the scent of popcorn.