I met the man the minute he arrived off The White Rabbit. There wasn't much time to talk, he was going to be rushed off to the medical center as a priority one. That meant he was a Phase One Zack infection. As I approached him and went to start a conversation, he immediately launched into talking.
Aidan Faal: There's one thing everyone needs to know about me before I even start. I'm a liar. A boldfaced, italicized, underlined and capital letter liar. I don't think I've ever said an honest word in my life. Don't nitpick because it's the truth, or is it? Ha-ha, I love paradoxes. I'm a walking contradiction you see, a man without conviction but without trepidation either.
At least this point, I completely believe every word he's saying.
AF: Ugh, I'm starting to ramble again. Let me jump straight to the point before I go even further off track.
Me: What is your point?
He says this very brashly, throwing his arms up dramatically.
AF: I hate them and I love them. You'd say it's the motions, everybody goes through this: some people may dare to whisper, He leans close 'You might be gay'. Those same people might also get socked in the face He mimics it, punching his open palm, but probably not. You can't live with women, but you can't live without them. Contradictions akin to my own heart you see! He hits himself in the chest; I could see why they needed to get him to proper care.
I have serious relationship problems, which might seed the hatred I so lovingly grow for their kind every day. I'll see a girl who I think is attractive, if I'm lucky I'll get to know her through a friend or being indirectly contacted with her, but otherwise she'd just be eye candy to me since I'm such a fucking pussy. He rolls his eyes. Did I forget to mention that?
At this point I realize that I'm better off keeping my mouth shut.
Oh well, either way, there I am. He raises his arms nonchalantly. A beautiful girl, interesting, intuitive, thoughtful, fun, He mimics talking with his hand. blah, blah, blahand I'll go fuck it up. Would you like to know why? He pauses for a second, as if he expects me to answer. I move too fast. First second we meet, five minutes later we're talking about getting married. Even when I was I high school this shit happened, and the girls? They'd turn out to be insane too. I mean, Hell, you'd have to be insane to even get the notion of marrying me in the first place! He sighs profoundly and takes a second to gather himself before continuing.
So there I go, headfirst into relationships. He makes a diving motion with his hand. The girls that'll take me end up being crazy and the ones that blow me off because I come on too strong, they end being the ones you want to spend the rest of your life with. Go figure. He shakes his head. I've tried turning it off too, but for me there are two settings on everything I do: weak as an overturned turtle or vicious like a cobra in a pit of babies. He laughs loudly and then abruptly stops.
Okay, the joke sucked, what do you want from me? I'm a fucking Community College drop-out, go to Hell. He groans and frowns before continuing.
I thought about turning gay once, I mean, who hasn't? He shrugs. It's a thought that crosses everyone's mind at least once, but for me, it came knocking lightly a lot. He makes a girly imitation of someone knocking on a door. It seemed to be the way to go, but I couldn't muster the courage to even try, guys are disgusting animals. Women...they're the closest we will ever get to seeing angels...or devils for that matter. Both beautiful and wicked: if they didn't need men to procreate, our number would have been up the minute Eve bit that apple. He mimics biting an apple before he's pulled away by men in uniform. I scratch my head and flip off my recorder. I'm certainly glad Phase One Zack isn't contagious.