The urge to write pulls at my finger tips, but the words don't come easily. Maybe it's because this isn't fiction. Fact is always harder for me to write…I don't want them to know…I don't want you to know. And so to hide it I cloud my words with vagueness. Only I know what I mean specifically but everyone knows the feeling. What kind of coward does that make me? Perhaps it is simply what happens when one is human…yeah…human. Sometimes I wonder if I truly am human. I wonder if instead I am some creature of darkness driven by the emotions I deny myself and the secrets I keep. It's such a dangerous balance. Feed the demon but watch yourself or he may consume you. And I do slip…you can see it in my eyes. There's a flash…a danger sign and wave of energy that chills. Your hair stands on end and my eyes burn. But it's not anger…not lust…it is the look of a creature caged that at last has a taste of freedom. It's fear of being thrown outside when you're so used to cages, it's confusion when confronted with sunlight instead of darkness. And now I am so lost. This wasn't the plan…I wasn't supposed to love you. A horrible thing to say I know…I wasn't looking for love. I was tired of it, I lost faith in it…I let the bitterness take hold. I wanted to make sure that I was right. That I'd never find love again…and all you did was prove me wrong. I wanted so much to believe that I was wrong…but I knew. I knew how you felt long before you said it. Your eyes gave it away. And then it slipped out. I had asked you not to fall in love with me…but you are a stubborn one. I felt so bad that I cried when you finally said it. But I couldn't help it…my carefully laid plans had been destroyed. Even in my dreams someone like you didn't exist. And now here I sit typing these words with a horrible feeling hanging over my head. I hate this feeling…mostly because I don't know what it means yet. But it's never good. And normally it wouldn't scare be this much…it's just that…I've never had this much to lose before.