Pronunciation guide

Joeri: YOO-ri

Caomhe: KEE-va

Celia: CHEL-ya


October 2016


Without even looking away from his psychology homework, Joeri said to Charlie, "We forgot to get Keiran's Bugles, didn't we?"

As he furiously punched the X button on the video game controller, Charlie replied, "Uh-huh."

That's when Keiran came into the living room of the guys' apartment, his arms stretched out above his head, and yelling, "WHERE ARE THE BUGLES!"

Joeri and Charlie pretended to be too wrapped up in homework and video games to answer him. Therefore, Keiran was forced to unplug the TV and slam Joeri's psychology book shut to get his friends' attention.


"I almost beat Garrett's high score!"

Keiran glared at the two and repeated in a deadly voice, "Where… are… the Bugles?"

Charlie and Joeri exchanged a glance that was their way of telepathically communicating, "Do you want to tell him or should I?"

Finally, Joeri sighed and broke the sad news to Keiran, "We forgot your Bugles."

Keiran seemed thunderstruck. They forgot his Bugles? They FORGOT his BUGLES?! He couldn't survive without his Bugles! Bugles were his source of his charm, his energy, his spunk! Without his Bugles, he would… he would… well, he wasn't quite sure what would happen without his Bugles, but he was very sure that it wasn't good!

And so Keiran started to cry.

Joeri and Charlie rolled their eyes. "Sherlock, they're just Bugles," said Joeri, opening his psychology book back up and flipping it back to the page he needed. "You'll get along fine without them."

Charlie nodded as he plugged back in the TV and set up the X-box again. "Yeah, why don't you have something else for once? Like… Nestle Tollhouse. They have great cookies!"

Joeri nodded in agreement. "Almost as great as your granny Holmes'!"

"May she rest in peace."

Keiran just stood there, shaking his head in silent sobs, and after a moment of this, retreated to his bedroom saying, "If you guys need me, I'll be in my room contemplating the meaning of life without Bugles."

Joeri and Charlie exchanged a glance as Keiran shut the door to his room, then Joeri commented, "You know, that's the biggest word I've ever heard him say."

Charlie nodded in agreement.


"No… no… those are mine… my Bugles… give them baaaack…"


"Ahaha! They WERE, but they are MINE NOW!" laughed Caomhe evilly, clutching the oversized, glowing bag of Bugles in her hands.

Keiran sobbed wildly, grasping for the Bugles, but Celia and Leah pulled him back while Fiona stood in front of him, just inches away, eating her own bag of Bugles and chanting, "We got the Bu-gles, we got the Bu-gles, nananananana! Hehehe!"

Ignoring Fiona, Keiran yelled to Caomhe, "I thought you loved me!"

Caomhe scoffed as she cleverly placed Bugles on her fingers to make them look like she had witch nails. "You were wrong! I was only after one thing… YOUR BUGLES!" After this announcement, she laughed evilly, which sounded like, "MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"



"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Keiran sat up, panting and sweating and in near tears. "My Bugles… mine…" He moaned loudly, collapsing back into his pillows, and choked back a sob. "Bugles… where art thou?"


"No, I don't hate you

I wanna buy you

Know I'll always love you

But right now, I just can't find you…"

"Uh-oh. Sherlock's gone emo," sighed Garrett, but he had to grin at Keiran, who was currently wearing all black and also had on a beret and sunglasses on and was attempting to play Joeri's guitar- the operative word there being "attempting".

Keiran stopped, ripped off his sunglasses and glared at Garrett. "You…" He paused and pursed his lips. "Are what me and my associate here," he motioned to the guitar, "would call a meanie."

Garrett smiled. "And you…" He paused to mock Keiran, "are what me and my associate would call pathetic."

Keiran looked thoroughly disheartened at this statement and sighed deeply. He passed off Joeri's guitar to Garrett and grumbled, "I'm going out for a walk."


I remember happiness

Sweet happiness

From my Bugles


I remember joyfulness

Sweet joyfulness

From my Bugles


You stick them on your fingers

And you got witch hands

You eat them in your mouth

And aren't they grand?






We could be so happy together

Just you, and me, and our Bugles

Lalala, lalala

You and me and Bugles


"You… and me… and Bugles…" Keiran sighed under his breath wistfully, wiping at his eyes. "Oh, Bugles. Someday I'll find you."

"EW. Ew. EWWW! AVERT YOUR EYES, LADIES!" Leah slammed her hands over her eyes and backed up into Celia, who was just coming through the door into the guys' apartment.

"Why- OH MY GOSH!" yelled Celia, immediately turning away and running back outside.

Keiran rolled his eyes. "They're SPIDERMAN BOXERS! And it's not like you've never seen UNDERWEAR BEFORE!" he yelled. And yes, Keiran had just graced Celia and Leah with the sight of him in his undergarments.

Caomhe stood in the doorway, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. "For the love of God, put on some pants," she ordered in dead monotone.

"Not until I have Bugles!" protested Keiran, crossing his arms across his chest.

Caomhe glared at Keiran with a glare that threatened break-up.

"Uh… right away, Angel."


Once he had put his pants back on, Keiran was deeply annoyed. No Bugles. Forced to wear pants in his own apartment (well, technically it was his, Garrett's, Joeri's, and Charlie's). It all made for one unhappy Sherlock.

"What… is the point… of being depressed… when you can't even take off your pants!" cried Keiran, who was currently flumped over the side of the couch.

Caomhe rolled her eyes and leaned against her boyfriend with a sigh. "Because you're not that handsome," she grinned impishly.

Keiran glared down at the floor and muttered, "I'm glaring at you, Caomhe."

Caomhe hugged him tightly, using him as a pillow. "Don't care. You're squishy and comfortable."

Keiran glared at the floor again and blew a raspberry. "I want my Bugles…" he moaned.

Caomhe narrowed her eyes as she released Keiran and moved away. "Only you would cry about a stupid snack food when the girl you supposedly love is using you as a pillow," she commented dryly, crossing her arms.

"Whatever. Life isn't worth living with Bugles…" cried Keiran.

Caomhe rolled her eyes. "Why am I dating you again?" she muttered under her breath.


"Oh Bugles, can't you see?

You're the one for me!

Oh Bugles, don't you know?

Since you've been gone, I mi-i-iss you sooo!" Keiran strummed on Joeri's guitar, even though he couldn't play the thing to save his life, and this emonosity made the other guys roll their eyes.

"Will someone PLEASE get Keiran his Bugles?!" snapped Garrett, who was thoroughly annoyed at the way Keiran kept moping around… and just because of Bugles.

Charlie flipped through the channels lazily and said, "Why can't he get the stupid things himself?"

"…Cuz I'm broke…" admitted Keiran with a sheepish smile.

The others groaned. "You know what?" Joeri wrestled a five-dollar bill out of his pocket and slapped it into Keiran's hand. "Go get your goddang Bugles."

Keiran gasped in delight and his vision started to blur with happy tears. "Thank you! You're my hero!" And with that, he raced out of the apartment and dashed towards the convenience store down the street.

"So… they're out of Bugles?"



First thing's first: The first lyrics are a parody of "Which To Bury- Us or the Hatchet?" by Relient K and the second lyrics at the end are a parody of "Conan" by Eleventyseven. The giant Bugle song in the middle is mine, although I'm not particularly fond of it... I can't even remember the tune... :D

As you may have figured, I offer you Bugles. :) Chat later.