we (will) swallow our words down
like vomit, like raw agony and the bones
bleed through my wrist like razorblades
and misery as i'm stepping on the scale
(the numbers, they're never low enough.)

watch me, i'll decay down to skin & skin,
biting the self-confidence off with every
breath i take and i can feel the pills
swirling down every lump in my throat,
resting in my stomach like maggots &
(tell me when i'm dead enough.)

the girls are too beautiful and the boys
are too pretty, small hips and red lips
pretty. i'm flipping through every cut
and tear in the vanity magazines, the
darkness slipping off my eyelashes &
(hello again darkness, my old friend.)

the toilet seat feels like grime and bile
and the guilt twirls down as i push the
trigger like the truth's gone again for
another day. the glass slips between
the cracks in my teeth as i'm bruising
every mirror with my fingers and the
reflection in my eyes is all broken and
destroyed.

this life, it screams to be alive, if only
i knew how.


author's note: rubbish, complete rubbish. it doesn't mean anything. just trying to write again.
from stephen king's dreamcatcher, can't remember if that's how it went, something like that: hello darkness, my old friend