the walls were white
my face paler and i could hardly see
strapped down and gagged
a prisoner in my own mind
and i'd never thought it would end this way
eyes closing to the sound of the heart monitor
and to the rhythm of the war drums
striking pulses and the counting of bodies
thump. thump. thump
set to words and there's no escape
thump thump thump
doom doom doom.
counting one –
one one one two one
one one three one one
two one one one one
one one one one one one
flatline then restart, lightning racing
straight to my heart.
one. one. one onetwothreefourfive
eyelids flutter, "still no return
return to me..."
'twas brillig –
'twas...and the slithy toves did –
gimble in the wabe. slithy toves
did gyre – gimble in the wabe.
'twas brillig brillig fdsalk;djaslk;LKFDASKJL;ASDKJ;LKIOOKM gimble FDSAKLJ;AS
doppelganger dsaklaKL;FJDSA;LAS gimble in the wabe.

snatches of thought.
i wanted to say goodbye goodnight i knew
this – in green gold red bronze autumn fall
ashes, ashes we all fall down
down down down
down i'm headed that's where
i'm headed the flames already
licking at my shackled ankles but i wanted
the fires of your eyes not the fires of
hell. hell this is HELL. (are they the same?
are the fires the same?)
trapped. cocoon. how i wish i was free,
not this doomed rotting shell of simply a mind caged in
a ribcage and bones and pale flesh. and had hands that still
ache to grip yours. touch you. hold you.
here we go – here we go the darkness is back
the dreams no the static static the static...

one. one. one. one. two. one. one.

inhale. exhale. exhale. exhale.