Author's Note: I wrote this in 17 minutes. I'm not sure what I think of it. All the people I have let read it think it's beautiful. I promise I wasn't on drugs when I wrote it and I will never do drugs.

Warnings: drug content, sexual content, language


I notice you right away because you are so different. You are wearing a long white t-shirt that tapers down around your legs and no pants underneath. Your head bobs to a sound that nobody else can here; you are alone in your divine harmony and you dance to beautiful music. Your eyes are coated with eyeliner and your lips are shiny. You have glittery eye shadow applied everywhere and as you turn to look at me, your face sparkles in the middle of this party, out in the midnight sky. Your smile widens and you have shiny teeth that I love, I love. I don't know who you are but I know that you are beautiful and I want to make you mine.

I walk over to you and look at you. I am wearing faded jeans and a grey v-neck with a red cardigan. And you look back at me and say, "I am aware that you are not searching for a relationship rather you are looking for a quick fuck and a beautiful night and I will be the one to give it to you. And I pray that you will remember me forever and that maybe you will tell someone you love about me one day."

You pause and press your shiny lips together and arch up your neck to look at the stars. I kiss the hollowed area in your neck and you look at me. "First, let's dance."

Your white-blonde hair glows and you take my hand in yours. Your nails are painted white and I would not be surprised to discover that you actually painted them with white-out. Our bodies close in close together and your hips jerk against mine in a rhythmic fashion. I put my hands on your shoulders and trail them down your wonderful body and breathe in the night air. We are alone in this silently synchronized world and you let me into your escape and I hear the music that you keep to yourself so well.

I brush my fingers over your pale shoulder blade and kiss your lips. Your hands are entwined in my hair and I whisper a song to you in your ear. I whisper and bite chapped lips and sing, "Tell me where the beautiful people have gone/I think the only one left is you/tell me where they have hidden/sing me a song about the sun/sing me a song about these faded nights where we are alone in a room full of people/because we are alone but that is how I like it best."

You giggle and blink your dark lashes and tell me, "I see right through your crippled serenade. Let me take you into another city that is inhabited by nobody but long-haired men who sing. And then you can be one of them."

"I am offended," I say, my voice quaking with an unperceived anger, but it quickly fades as you reach over and touch a pale finger to my lips. You kiss me, you breathe in the smell of smoke and my lungs constrict and I whimper as I kiss you back. Your hair runs into my eyes and you wrap your legs around mine. I carry you onto the hill with the dead grass outside and we lay there, our bodies in a pressured embrace underneath the moon. Underneath your clothes, you are pale and thin. I run my hands over your back and I believe that if God had common sense when he was making you he would've made you wings. But maybe God was on drugs when He made all of us and as the nicotine ran through His veins His palette fell on the floor and made us into the humans we are as we lie like vines in His soil.

If I had been God I would've given you wings.

You struggle under me and I weigh down on top of you and kiss the side of your neck, kiss your eyelids, kiss your cheeks. You whine as your hands trail down to my pants and they are off and then I take off your shirt, eager to see you in your natural state.

"We are endless," you tell me gently as you caress my shoulders as we lay together naked as God created us. "We are endless together and we shall remain carved into each others' hearts and we will never forget."

I lie on top of you as our hearts collide in a pattern as fast as a hummingbird's wings because together we are forever and together.

"We will never forget," you say again and the steadiness of your voice breaks and you are crying and shaking hysterically into my shoulder. Your makeup blurs together and your eyelashes mat. Tears fall down your face and drag black over your glittery eye shadow so you are dark and wasted and bruised. Your body shakes from need and from addiction and I hold you close in our nude embrace and let you sob but I would bet my life that you don't now you are crying.

"You have left a footprint on my soul," I tell you as I stroke your face. "I will not forget you."

And so as we curl together underneath the moon, we are infinite. We are young, we are beautiful, and we are forever.

I pick up my pants and I put them back on. You dress and we embrace one last time before we get up and head our separate directions. I know that you are happy we did not fuck and you are happy we did not make love. You are too good for the likes of me and you do not see how superior you are. You are modest, you are beautiful, you are forever engraved into me.

You told me your name was Estelle and you were aptly named. The stars shine above me and I know you are one of them.

Author's Note: I don't know if you'll ever understand it or not. Basically he didn't have sex with her because he loved her too much. And they can't be together.


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