All I have loved,
I have never writ in stone,
The dangers of such a bond.
For, although I have loved and lost,
There is always ample reason to love again.
She was beautiful, with her long, straight flaxen colored hair, whipping around wildly in the wind. She wasn't paying attention to the cold wind though. She was staring off into the distance, listening to the lapping of the waves against the rocks, watching the sun set, with its beautiful reds, purples, and oranges contrasting against the deep blue of the ocean.
She was sitting on a picnic table, with her feet resting on the bench seat of the table. It was cold and windy, and yet this girl was in a flowy summer dress. For her, the weather was the least of her worries. She was clutching a Mexican mocha, waiting for it to cool down. It was keeping her warm.
Memories were floating through her head. Her eyes were staring at the sunset, but not really seeing it. They were clouded by yet to be shed tears. Her normally striking blue eyes were a cloudly grey from the sorrow she was desperately trying to contain.
"I'm sorry, Charlie. I'm sorry I never told you."
Memories of her as a little girl splashing around in her paddle pool with a little boy, who was her best friend. Memories of the teen years when they grew apart for a little while. Memories of her college years where they teased each other mercilessly and pulled pranks on each other. All these moments, these treasured memories flashed through her mind.
But two events stayed the most vivid. One was a common occurrence. It was always the same though. The other happened only once, but still meant as much, if not more to her.
She was remembering all the times neither of them would say anything. They would just quietly get into the car and drive to the ocean. They would each get a Mexican mocha and sit on the very picnic table that she was sitting on. They would sit in silence, watching the sun set. Words at the time were not needed. All that was needed was each other, a warm Mexican mocha, and the setting sun.
They had always done this. Even in their teenage years, their estrangement never corrupting these moments. It was a silent agreement between the two. No matter what was happening they always knew that this action would forever be a constant in their lives. Through thick and thin.
The second vivid memory was a night where the two of them decided to go dancing after a stressful day at work. They were roommates at the time, fresh out of college. They both had too many drinks that night and when they got home, they shared a passionate night of lovemaking. Neither of them had planned it, and neither of them were too intoxicated to not be able to stop it. It was again a seemingly silent agreement that this was right, somehow.
That night was three months ago. The next morning, Charlie died in a car accident on his way to work.
"I'm so sorry Charlie. I should have told you I loved you. I've always loved you. You were my best friend and my greatest love. I should have told you sooner. All those moments we sat here not saying anything. Just enjoying the sunset, the mochas, and each other's presence." The girl was now silently crying. No heaving sobs, just silent streaming tears. "I love you, Charlie. I miss you so much. More than anything I need you here with me. I don't know what to do with out you."
Next to her was a clean mocha cup, filled with water and the bottom was weighted with pebbles. She picked up a bouquet of white lilacs, red tulips, zinnias, and forget-me-nots. She put them into the mocha cup of water.
"Charlie, nothing is the same without you. I'm so lost."
The sun had almost finished setting. "They buried your body next to your mother. In my mind I know that's where you should be. But my heart also knows that a part of you will always be here silently watching the sunset with me."
She cried silently for awhile, watching the ocean lap against the rocks and sand. "I went to the doctor today. I was late. I'm pregnant, Charlie. How I wish you were here right now. I know you'd have been so happy. You've always wanted a child. I'll name him after you. Even though you're gone, I'll still have a part of you with me, always."
She watched the sun finally set, her surroundings shrouded in darkness. Her Mexican mocha had gotten cold. She had not touched it. She got up. Her hand on her belly. She began to walk away. Half way to her car, she glanced back at the picnic table, the waves, the coffee cup of flowers, and the brightly glowing stars.
"I love you. I always have. I should have told you so long ago. Maybe you always knew and was only waiting for me to realize just how perfect we were for each other. I'm sorry I didn't realize or understand until it was too late. I cannot change the past, but I can affect the future. I will make sure little Charlie Jr. knows how great his daddy was and tell him every day how much I love him. Good night, my love."
Here's a meaning for the flowers, I looked them up. I'm a nerd like that. White lilacs first love, red tulips declaration of love, zinnia thoughts of friends, and forget-me-nots well the name explains it pretty well I believe.
I hope people like this.