I think I'm far from Heaven

I think I'm far from heaven
far from her grace, her smile, her everlasting love
I think my words are losing touch
because she's no longer here
reading this wall of text
in awe
in envy
in retrospective respect

Maybe I'm losing my depth
and she, her soul
because if we were really meant to be
then why only me?
to surmise the thoughts
the feelings the actions the moments
into simple mere words
so we can brush it off later
so we can say loves just another
process of life what a bother.

But I think that
come what may what may come
and god's looking down
in sympathy
in warmth
in cognitive comfort
All-knowing, and all-seeing that in the end
just maybe
I'm not so far from heaven.