I never know

I never know
What to do
What to say
How to act

People ask me
What I want
And all I can say is
I don't know

How is anyone
Sure of anything
How do people
Know the right answer

I never do

I pretend
I'm always pretending
To protect what I really am

But now that it comes to it
I don't think I know
Who I really am

I've spent so long pretending
That I no longer remember
How to just be me

What's it like?
Just to know
Who you are
What you want

So many people
Think they know me
When all they've seen
Is one of my masks

How do you tell?
If what you're seeing
Is really someone
Or just another mask

How do you know
What to do
Do you struggle
With every decision
Weighing possibilities

Choices are scary
They can't be unmade
They leave a permanent mark
So how do people make them so easily?
With scarcely a second thought

Am I alone?
Or do others fear
Afraid to reach out
To the people around them

I keep myself apart
To keep my weaknesses hidden

Big emotions scare me
So I block them out of my mind

Every minute of every day
I fight a battle to control myself
To stop anyone from knowing

Who I truly am
What I truly feel

Even myself

And now I ask myself
What next?
I can't go on like this
Forever
So what will I do?

How can I share what I am?
If I don't know myself

Perhaps what I am
Is uncertainty
A mixture of things

And all of my masks
Are real
Just different

Does anyone ever know?
I doubt it now
Maybe uncertainty
Is just being human

Not a fault or flaw at all

But again
I just don't know