lonely alone

--

It was the first time in his entire life he was confused about the opposite sex. Ryan Lively was actually having girl trouble. And it was not a secret he was willing to share. No, instead he would pretend everything was normal.

In a way it wasn't pretend. This was normal for the relationship he was currently in.

Claire Henderson: his girlfriend for the past seven months and two weeks. The sole girl of his affections and the cause of his internal madness.

It was strange for him to refer to her as his 'girlfriend'. He wasn't known for being in a relationship with any girl. Despite popular belief, it wasn't because he didn't want to be in a relationship – he just never found the right girl to be in one with. But the moment he met her, he knew she was going to be the exception. And in moments like these he would regret that decision.

The blond boy remained leaned against his car as he looked at the dormitory of the exclusive academy they both attended. His fingers found a cigarette deep within his pocket, and he was quick to light it up. He inhaled deeply as his eyebrows drew together deep in thought.

Part of him wanted to go inside and find her, while the other part of him wanted to forget all about her. Any other girl would never pull a stunt like this on him. But then again, that was exactly why he was with her. Because of the fact she wasn't like other girls. She didn't treat him like a 'God'. To her, he was just plain ol' Ryan Lively, nothing more.

He liked that – not having to live up to some image. Around her he could be and do whatever he felt like and not worry about impressing her. Still. He wasn't completely used to the idea of a girl not worshipping him. But it wasn't just that, it was the fact that he didn't hold the control in the relationship. It sounded selfish, he knew it, but he didn't care.

Out of all the girls I can have, I had to go and pick myself the individualist. He put out the cigarette on the bottom of his shoe. The girl was definitely special, from her tattooed body to her purple dyed hair. She was as fucked as he was and it was perfect that way.

She was out of the loop from most girls in school, in a way she was just as troublesome as he was. The rumors that spread about her were at least a mile high just like they were for him. But the rumors were all false, no one even came close to knowing the real her, except himself. Of course, not even he knew what was going through her head all the time. Just like now. His fingers ran through his golden locks as he closed his eyes for a second.

Every month, for the past three months, it would be the same thing over and over again. She would state the same line, 'Leave me alone, I want to be lonely'. What the hell does she mean by that anyway, he briefly wondered as he opened his eyes and fixated them to the building it front of him.

There was one thing he hated more and that was the fact he never saw it coming.

--

Flashback

--

Claire had her head against the chest of her boyfriend, Ryan Lively. Even now, several months later, it was hard for her to believe it was real. She was actually in a relationship and with the womanizer of the academy no less. Actually he wasn't a womanizer; well… not really, he just had the 'luck' of attracting a lot female interest.

His hand was lightly rubbing her naked back and shoulders. "Let's go out tomorrow night." It wasn't a suggestion or a request – it was a command. She profoundly hated it when he did that 'thing'. The whole overprotective, controlling, arrogant boyfriend act thing.

The girl rolled her eyes and shook her head as she sat up from his embrace. "No." She said as she reached over the side of the bed for something to wear. Pulling the shirt over her head she let out a small sigh. "I'm going to go take a shower." She was about to get up from the bed, when she felt him take hold of her wrist.

"I'll go with you." Ryan wore a sly smirk on his flawless face as his thin eyebrows wiggled at his proposition. It made her scowl her face in disgust. Not so much disgust at his suggestion but at the assumption his smirk was making. He thought she would agree and happily be with him… again.

"I can't even get one hour alone." Claire mumbled out loud, not even sure whether or not he heard her. Placing a hand on his chest she pushed him back and withdrew her wrist from his hold.

"Don't you get it?" she questioned, "I want to be alone, let me be lonely." Without another word, she rose from the bed and walked out of the room.

Ryan stared at the now closed door and silently cursed at her. "Not again," he mumbled to himself as he let a groan escape his lips. Grabbing his clothes from the floor, he slipped them on and left the room. She clearly didn't want him here and he was not going to be pushy about it. At least not yet.

--

End of Flashback

--

That had been over five days ago. He was now passed the point of waiting for her. Usually it only took her two days by herself and she was immediately knocking on his door. Never once bothering explaining herself. He didn't think of asking because he always hoped it was the last time.

But this was now the fourth time she was pulling the same stunt and he was tired of it. Pulling himself off the car, he made his way inside the dormitory and towards her room.

Within minutes he was standing in front of her dorm. 127. His fists pounded against the door and he heard her curse from inside the room. Still, no movement was made to open it. Feeling himself getting even more pissed off, he gave a swift kick to the door.

"Open the door right now!"

Claire frowned her dark eyebrows together and walked over to the door. Taking a deep breath, she opened it wide and narrowed her eyes at the boy. "Don't tell me what to do!" she screamed and shut the door right back in his face. What the heck has gotten into him, she thought as she stepped back into her bed.

Not two seconds later, the door flew open and in stepped the fuming blond. He saw that she was calmly sitting on her bed. The look on her face let him know she wanted to talk. Closing the door behind himself, he walked over and took a seat next to her.

He was expecting her to say something, but he should have known better than that. The girl always had to be indirectly pushed into talking. Even though he had been in the room for less then five minutes, the silence was getting to him. It was making him itchy.

Tapping his fingers lightly against his lips, he raised an eyebrow at the girl. Waiting for an explanation from her. "Well?"

"Ryan…" she paused as she closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. "You're like chocolate." Opening her eyes she glanced at the boy sitting next to her and noticed his confused expression. "You taste really sweet, but I can't have you everyday." She let her voice trail off for a second. "Do you understand?" She asked her voice barely above a whisper now.

Ryan slowly nodded his head as his fists clenched together. "Yeah," he responded slowly as he shook his head a bit. "I make you sick."

Claire rolled her eyes and stood from the bed, clearly frustrated with his stubbornness. "Why can't you understand?"

Tired of her mind games, he also stood up and faced her. "Why can't you be normal?"

Her dark eyes glared at the blond, her face flushing a bright red from his words. He sounds just like every other asshole. Despite being only a few inches between their faces, she felt no urge to kiss him. Oh no, his charm had long worn off.

Hands placed firmly over her hips, she continued to stand her ground. "Get out!" she yelled not bothering to blink or flinch from being under his gaze.

"No!" he yelled back at the petite girl and then turned his back to her. "I'm leaving," he mumbled as he walked over the door and slammed it shut.

Why couldn't he understand? She did care about him, more than she ever thought she could, but that wasn't the point. Couldn't he understand that she needed some time to herself? I don't even think Adam and Eve spent every damn day together.

Flopping back down on her bed, she took the covers and curled herself within them. He would eventually have to learn that she didn't want to be with him 24/7. He is going to have to learn to trust me, she mentally concluded as her eyes drifted shut.

--

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Glancing at her alarm clock, the screen blinked 5:17 a.m. Who the hell could be calling at this time! Sitting up, she let out a yawn as she reached over to her phone, "Hello?"

After a moment of silence on the other line, someone finally spoke. "What are you doing?"

No matter how tired she was she could never have mistaken that voice. "What the hell do you think I was doing Ryan?"

She knew exactly why he was calling - he was checking up on her. He actually thinks I'm screwing someone else. The thought of him not trusting her angered her more than she thought.

He could tell by the tone of her voice that he had pushed her over the limit. Nevertheless he was passed the point of caring. He wanted to keep pushing her buttons just like she was doing to him. "I don't know," he said, clearing mocking her as he let out a chuckle. "You could be doing anyone."

The words echoed in her head, and she felt a small tug at her heart. Still, her pride seemed to get the better of her. "Yeah you're right," she whispered into the phone. The words slipped out before she even had a chance to stop them.

Ryan clutched the phone tightly in his hand as blazing fire flashed in his eyes at the thought of her being with someone else. "What did you say?"

This was not a conversation she wanted to have with him, especially not at this time of night. "Can't you leave me the fuck alone!" she yelled into the phone. Before waiting for a reply she hung the phone up and yanked the cord right from the wall. With a scream, she threw the phone against the door to her room.

As soon as her head hit the pillow she immediately regretted yelling at him that way. She didn't mean to but the boy just had a way to make her temper flare. I just need more time… just a little more time and then I can tell him. Her eyes scanned her room. Never had she thought an empty room could be so loud. Without evening realizing it, a few tears tumbled down her pale cheeks. Just hold on... a little while longer.

--

It had been a total of three days since their eventful phone call. He hadn't seen or spoken to her since. And even though it was killing him to do so, he was not about to go looking for her again. No, Ryan Lively did not beg or pled for any chick.

He walked into the showers with only a towel wrapped around him. Turning the facet, he waited for the water to warm up as he lost himself in his own thoughts again. There was nothing more he wanted than to talk to her, hold her – but no she was too stubborn for her own good. And so was he.

When she felt ready, she would come to him. Just like always. Only this time he hoped there wouldn't be a next time.

Being so lost in his own thoughts, he didn't notice the person walking in. It was only when he heard the familiar feminine voice that he realized he wasn't alone. Turning around he came face to face with the purple haired girl. His eyes traced down her frame and he immediately recognized the boxers she was wearing as his own.

There were so many things he wanted to say and do to her. He wanted to tell her how he missed her, he wanted to yell at her for being so stupid, but most of all he just wanted to hold her and kiss her. But not necessarily in that specify order. Before he had a chance to decide what he wanted to do first, he saw her take a step closer to him.

She placed the palm of her hand against his chest and she took another two steps closer. Now only being inches apart, she got the courage to look him in the eye. Those icy blue eyes that she thought could look right through her very soul without even trying.

"Ryan…" her voice was barely audible, but she knew she needed to tell him. "I missed you." Looking away from her penetrating gaze, she slightly pouted, annoyed with her own feelings.

Not letting her explain herself any more, he put a finger under her chin. Her eyes widen at his touch, but he cut her questions by crashing her lips down on hers. As soon as his lips touched her, he could taste the melon lip-gloss he loved so much. Even though he wanted nothing more than to continue kissing her, he wanted something else a little more.

Satisfied from tasting her, after days of separation, he broke away from her lips. Looking into her dark colored eyes, he saw the fear in them. She probably thinks I'm mad at her. Tightening the grip on her waist, he brought her as close as he possibly could. Leaning a head on her shoulder, he started planting small affectionate kisses on her skin.

"Why do you keep doing this?" His voice seemed loud in the quiet room, but in reality it was soft. Much softer than she was accustomed to. It made her feel guilty, and worse, she felt selfish for what she put him through.

"I… I don't know…" her voice was shaky and a bit horsed. She licked her lips as she started playing with the edge of his towel. "I guess… I… I just want it both ways," she said as her hand slipped under his towel and started to stroke his already hard length. "You know I want you with me, but I don't at the same time."

A smirk played on his thin lips as he let the girl continue to pleasure him. Even though he still didn't completely understand her reasoning behind her actions or words, there was one thing he knew for certain. The make up sex was always, without a doubt, incredibly worth it.

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