I found you at the park, you were sat on a bench, you wore high heeled shoes, black culottes, white tshirt and a pink jacket, to me you were really pathetic, specially because you were crying, well I just wondered "your boyfriend left you?" If I was your boyfriend, I'd leave you too, you weren't my kind of girl, anyway I decided to draw you, so I took my notebook and a pencil from my bag, I leaned against a tree and I started to make a sketch of your thin figure, ok, I thought you were the typical anorexic girl, at that time you looked at me, you got up from the bench and you walked towards me, you stopped your steps when you were at a distance, your curly hair was red, your big eyes were brown, and your smile was rather forced... And your make up was like a clown.
"We know each other?" I asked you "I don't think so" It was your answer "but we can know each other if you treat me to lunch" You had a lot of energy even if apparently you were weak, you didn't let me reply, you just grasped my arm and you take me to a cafe, well, I was getting scared, you acted the fool, you ordered an ice coffee for yourself and a pineapple pie for me, I didn't like sweets so much, so I pretended I ate a slice of pineapple while you started to talk about yourself, now I can't remember what you was telling, but I remember you didn't try your drink.
I was too stupid, so with a pen I wrote my true phone number in your right wrist, you said "see you later" almost shouting, and you called for a cab and I went home, my father was watching soccer on TV, my mother was getting ready the dinner, my sister was singing in the shower, I just wanted to lock myself in my room but my brother threw the phone to me, it was you?? I recognized your childish voice "let's go to the amusement park tomorrow!"
"I can't, I have school" I said nervously, I hoped you to believe me because it wasn't my plan to meet you again, to my surprise, you didn't insist on, you just said "fine" and you hung up.
In the school's break me and my friends practised in the music's classroom, I played the bass guitar, because a guitar was too hard, we didn't have big dreams to become "rockstars" We didn't even a song.
"Who's that pink chick?" Wondered my friend giving to the threshold a quizzical gaze "holy shit!" You were there wearing a pink dress shaking your hands, telling me to bring near to you, I did it without saying a word, it was embarrasing, I pushed you towards the exit, the guys burst out laughing "what's your problem?" One more time you instead of answering, you gave me a box with flowers printed on, I opened the box, exasperation! It was filled with angel cake "please, get out, my next class will start soon"
"No problem, just try a slice of cake"
"You, bitch! You wanted to kill me with all your sweetness" With my hand I grasped the cake and I swallowed it until I choked myself "You're so cute" You smiled and you removed the little piece of sugar in my cheek "see you later" you never stopped smiling and you went away.I kicked my friend, he didn't stop kidding around about you, my so called girlfriend, after class you were waiting for me outside school, I tried to pass by without you noticing me, but you were like a radar, you threw yourself to me, I couldn't help falling on the ground, I just wished my bass guitar wasn't broken because your weight, well... You weigh like a cockroach, your outer was breaking, and your inside was growing strong "take me to the park, take me to the park, take me to the park"
"I had choice?" Noooooooooooo, you pushed me into the cab and suddenly we were in front of the park "pay cab driver" You said getting out "why?" Very angry I asked you "today it's on you" At least the park's entrance was free.
"I want to ride the carousel"
"It's for children" I replied turning my eyes away from your silly, but as usual you didn't hear me, you ran towards a wooden horse and you really rode it! People looked at you full of taunts, I wished the earth would swallow me up.Afterwards, you made me buy a candy floss and you made me to try it, well, I hated sweets and pink color, there wasn't anything about you I liked.
We met two weeks ago, it was already autumn and you, you crazy slut, you wanted to go to the beach!! So I went to the beach with you instead of attending my own stuffs.
"Baby, wanna give me a hand?" It was a girl lied on the sand, she wanted me to put suntan cream on her back, I looked at you, you were in your small world builing a sand castle, so it wasn't problem if I gave a hand to that horny girl, but I forgot you were a radar, before I reached the girl, you threw your toy shovel to my head, I really wanted to kill you, but you did me a favor, you got out by yourself, but I met you in the cafe, I didn't know why I went to that cafe, you were counting some coins from your dog shaped bag, because of your sad face I understood you didn't have enough money to buy your sweets, I swear my intention wasn't make you happy, however I bought cheese cake for you but you gazed at me instead of receiving the cake "damn! Miss complicated" "You want me to ask you sorry on my knees?""I don't like cheese" You said pointing the showcase, you wanted an ice cream, giving up I got the ice cream for you "thank you" You said barely audible, offering me a bite of the ice cream, you took me home, if there was a relationship between us, I was like the girl.
"What will do on the next years?"
"I don't know" Weird... It was the first time you didn't talk about yourself, but I wasn't happy either, I wasn't the kind of guy who enjoyed talking about himself.
"Don't you want to travel around?"
"There's not enough money for that"
"You can get a van and drive around"
"What about you?"
"I'd love to travel around, you can't imagine the places I want to know"
I couldn't, I never could imagine what was on your freak mind, to me you were a nightmare, finally I could compose a song, a song about you! I just made a list things I dislike about you, and I played the bass guitar with all my rage, ande suddenly everything was going perfectly, me and my band recorded some songs, they were successful when they were played in pubs, soon we got a contract in a major label and the best thing ever, you, my dear nightmare vanished, vanished... Shit, you vanished to appear on the bookstores, it wasn't you but your photos, I took your book on the middle shelf, the cover was black and filled with pink flowers, I had a look turning the pages, they smelled sweet like you.
It was windy, I didn't want my wig to fall, it was a nice red wig, I wanted something colorful to offset my pale skin, so I sat on the bench of that lonely park, I was tired 'cause of my high heeled shoes, wel... The cancer exhausted me a lot too, even if I tried to fight back with all my energy, time didn't fly in vain, so I cried every tear I could before to go home, I felt as if I was disappointing my parents but at the same time I was rubbing my eyes, maybe there was a part of me still fighting, giving myself a smile I looked up, you were gazing at me as if I was an odd insect, if you could you'd squash me, God!! I was dying, it made no difference to me, I got up from the bench and I walked towards you. Your brown hair was scruffy, your green eyes haughty, no smile and piercing lips, cool you were dressed in black like a raven smelling blood, smelling my blood.
Why did you ask me if we know each other? No way, I had good memory even if my senses were failing 'cause of the treatment, but I wanted you to treat me to get know you, well, the wasn't choice, I took you to my favorite cafe and I got a pineapple pie for you, to me you were pretty cute with your confused look. Aw... The silence was awkward, so I started to talk about myself, I thought if I told you things about me you'd tell me things about yourself, but you nodded, nodded and sometimes you looked at my ice coffee, I couldn't drink it, when death knock on your door, you wanna freeze the time, I wanted to be there with you and my coffee forever, now I think I was talking to you, a completed stranger, it was because I felt lonely, I needed someone to treat me like a normal and silly girl instead of treating me like a dying and silly girl.
My phone wasn't working, so I asked you to give me your number, I had no paper, so I stretched my arm out, you wrote seven numbers on my wrist, it was red ink, so it was funny because it seemed as if I cut myself, I called for a cab and I arrived to home soon, my parents were working, they sold furniture until the midnight, so I always cooked, but lately I just ate cakes, I couldn't taste any sweet, my mouth was dry and bitter, I wanted to take a shower, but after calling you, when you were answering, the first thing I could say it was to go together to the amusement park but you denied without thinking too much, so I hung up pretty mad.
I got to leaf through your notebook at the cafe when you ate the pie, you drew very good, but I didn't want to think the skinny was me, in fact, I was pretty fat, I always wanted to lose weight, I wanted to go to the gym to do exercise every day but suddenly I lost weight 'cause of the illness, I'm not, I''m not thankful. Ok, your school's address was in the back of the notebook, so I decided to show up in your school but before I stopped getting an angel cake for your, you were my dark angel by the way.
Omg, you ate the cake fastly, I wanted to try it too! Well, you had to continue school, so I decided to wait for you outside, I still wanted you to take me to the park, when I could, I never took time to have fun, my work was my only one, I started writing because I didn't have another way to express what I felt, and suddenly I started to earn money 'cause of that, I left school to spend every hour creating stories, I hope you don't get mad at me but while I waited for you, I wrote what we did yesterday and what we'll do later.
You didn't look happy when we went to the park, I never found a smile in your face, you were handsome anyway, I wanted you to take a ride with me in the carousel, well before I also cared too much what people thought about, but.. Again, I'm dying, it's imposible to be more scared.
Early morning I woke up, I felt like taking a walk in the beach, so I asked you to go with me, I can't swim so I contented myself making something with the sand while you thought I wasn't aware and you talked to a girl, so I ran away towards my cafe and you showed up within a hour, you were messy and pretty as usual, I pretended to not noticing you, I didn't have any money and to my surprise you got me a cake on your own, the problem was I don't like cheese, besides what I wanted it was an ice cream, I wonder if you like chocolate because I wanted to share the ice cream with you.
You were going to home, I was following you, if you think, I was stalking you as you'd love to believe in, you just let me in to your life because you never pushed me away really, maybe to you it was hard to show who you were as I used to hide myself too, I asked you about your future, what was what you wanted from this transcendental life? I wanted to have a lot of kids, yeah, my dream was to be mother but I didn't want to scare you so I talked to you about traveling around the world.
I couldn't predict that night was the last time I'd see you, I just said "see you later" before leaving, I really wanted to see you, but the next day I couldn't open my eyes anymore, the angel close to me asked me if I knew the great feeling on earth LOVE
I couldn't reply, there wasn't enough time to me to know if you loved me, but I was falling in love with you hardly.
- You're lucky - said the shop assistant - she's signing.
- The writer of the book in your hand.
- She isn't dead?
- She loves to play the fool.
- So she wasn't sick.
- Yes she was, but she recovered.
He put the book on the shelf again and looked at the black hair young woman from a distance, but she was aware of he looking at her, so she stopped signing and went to him.
- You owe me a smile... So I can't die...
- Keep waiting..
yeah, I know, my grammar is bullshit (sometimes it's for I don't take too much time to check what I wrote) but I tried to do my best, I just wrote this 'cause I feel dying...
thanks if you read, thousand thanks if you review, I'd love to know your opinion'bout this :)