A/N: Okay, this particular chapter calls for a short explanation. Both my brother and I were extremely tired when we wrote it, and we sort of tend to regress to the stage in a child's life when anal humour is the funniest thing in the world. Hence the concoction of the ass machine. My brother made up many different things about that machine that I couldn't put in the story, but we had an absolute blast writing it! :P We get a bit crazy when we're that tired... ;)

The Tales of the Ninja Boy Kôichi
part 5: The Pear Becomes Garbage

One day Kôichi got home from school early. Everyone in his class had worked so diligently that they had already finished everything they should. So he said:

- Hello! Pear!

But he got no reply.

Then he checked the drawer in which he used to put the pear, but the pear was gone. And then his mother, Haha, came into the room.

- Did you really think that that rotten apple would still be in there?!

Then Kôichi angrily jumped out in front of her.

- It is actually a pear, not an apple! And he is not rotten! He is my friend!

- Yeees, boys have such strange imaginary friends nowadays.

Then Kôichi became so angry his face turned red and his hidden petrifaction ray came out from between his nostrils. It hit Haha behind the navel so she became petrified. That's why it was called a petrifaction ray.

Then Kôichi became happy again.

- Good! Now I can put on my headband without her seeing! Out and search a pear, ninja priority 1,0!

Quickly he ran out to the trash can behind their house and lifted the lid. But aah! Alack and alas! The gargabe guys had already collected the trash! That meant he had to call his friends in the frog squad. Everyone came hurrying from their spaceship to help.

- What is the problem about? asked Sergeant Kaeru with graveness in his frog-gaze.

- It's about my pear, Kôichi told them in a panic, my mother has thrown him away and now the garbage guys have already been here! What should we do? We have to save him!

- That truly sounds like a job for us, Kaeru mused.

- Kaeru! We are actually here to invade Earth, we don't have time to look for lost pears! Okotta said angrily.

Smack! the captain hit him on the helmet.

- Don't speak against me or I'll get evil!

- Stop fighting! yelled Kôichi. If we don't hurry the pear will be turned to mush!

- Mmm, then you can eat it! said Tomo, who was always hungry.

And so they were at the dump a little outside of the city of Chiba. It did not smell good there. Then they spotted the pear sitting on a pile of garbage. Kôichi was very happy to see the pear.

- Hey pal! We have come to get you!

But just as they were about to go pick up the pear a giant excavator came and scooped him up from the ground. The garbage was to be burned in an ass machine.

Everybody gasped in fright.

Then Kôichi wrote "Nnnnnnnoooooooo!" in the gravel.

- Why do you write that? Zettai asked in puzzlement.

- I don't dare say it out loud for then it will be true.

And the pear wrote "Nnnnnnnnoooooooooo!" in the air with the stick on his head, the little black thing on top.

The excavator went further down...

- It's going down fast, master, Zettai said. What shall we do?

- We have to stop the ass machine! Hatsumei said.

- Does that mean he'll become a buttock? Okotta wondered confusedly.

- No, that is what he will not be! Kaeru exclaimed. We are going to stop the machine!

- Make a ladder! Kôichi ordered.

Okotta become really angry when he was selected to be in the bottom - again! He got all of his heavy friends on top of him and Kôichi on the very top. When they became that tall they would have to reach the pear and get him down. But when they had already made the ladder they discovered - huuuh! - that they were too far up! And the pear was going lower and lower...!

What were they to do?!

Kôichi was absolutely certain that this was the end for his pal. But just then the pear used his holy power to magick himself down into Kôichi's pocket. The others became baffled, and then angry.

- Why didn't you do that right away?! shouted Kôichi into the pears ear that didn't exist.

The pear shrunk in shame.

- I'm sorry, I didn't think of it.

But Kôichi was just happy that the pear was safe again, so that called for celebration!

Everyone was happy, except for Okotta who was almost flat and mad.


Hatsumei means "the invention of a machine or system".