Everything Feels More Meaningful In Graveyards
(the mistakes hanging from my plastic halo.)
"Do you think there's an afterlife Jesse, 'cause it almost fucks up the point of suicide, don't ya think?" Jeremy loosen his hold on the cigarette, his hands burned and gritty. Jesse lays his head bare on the crumpled brown grass, skeletons rotting six feet below him and he laughs, not the genuine kind of laughter though, but the one that makes you sounds like you're choking, or crying.
"I don't know Jeremy, I don't know," Jesse flickers the safety on and off, the gun curving around his hips and he leans his face up to the sun, the hot air radiating off his violent red cheeks, the sunglasses pulled over his eyes. Jeremy's grinning madly (in that kind of miserable, sorrowful way) and not looking at him, but at the gun: laying placidly in his hand. The winds blows through Jesse's shady black hair and the soft feel of silk caresses his skin—Jesse shivers. He's been thinking lately of shaving off all his hair, like the two fucking years he spent in the army, before they discharged him (and he wishes he could blame the army for the life he has, but only cowards blame other people.) "—but fuck Jeremy, I hope to god I'm not reborn, nobody ever did like serial killers, 'specially ones you use to trust, use to try and serve your country." Jesse speaks slowly, his voice ridged with a small amount of sadness and betrayal, and he squishes small amounts of grimy brown dirt between his fingers, like trying to get all the anger out and not succeeding.
Jeremy winces, the memories carving scars into his thin pale wrist bones (he hasn't eaten in a week, the taste of food dry to his lips.) "No," he whispers, "I guess they don't, people never did understand that way." The raw acid is staining his teeth, and Jeremy feels sick. He wishes he could just take the gun from Jesse and pull the trigger, right now—maybe then this life would stop biting at him, suffocating him, its teeth slit open like tiny knives. "It's hard too, being in love with one, a killer, like you." All the happiness (sure) between Jeremy and Jesse seeps out, and a silence lingers between them. Jesse won't look at Jeremy, his deep blue eyes messy with guilt, and Jeremy just shakes his head, the tangles of his brown hair running across his neck, a chill drenching him. He regrets being so blunt. "I—I'm sorry, Jeremy, it wasn't suppose to be this way though, fuck, Jeremy, fuck, I'm sorry."
"I know Jesse, I know. Don't say sorry though, just don't. It doesn't seem to mean much anymore, just know I love you." Jeremy caresses Jesse's cheek, his fingernails raw and gritty from being bitten in too much, and they leaves shallow marks on Jesse's cheeks. Jeremy pushes his chapped lips to Jesse savouring the taste of murder and redemption stuck in his mouth, and tears fall from his eyes, sticking to his eyelashes. Everything feels like it's happening too fast and before long Jeremy pulls away, pealing his fingers off of Jesse's shirt. "Let's just go, the police are probably following us. They're going to catch us soon, we don't have much more time, I always wanted to go to Maine, maybe one last time." But we're so far away, will we ever make it?
Standing up, Jesse wipes off the crush flower petals hanging to his black pants, and Jeremy stands beside him, staring at the sunset, aching below the crooked horizon. It almost looks like its screaming, being pushed out by twilight and swirling down the drain, vibrant colors sinking into black. "We're like fucking Bonnie & Clyde, you know that, Jesse, ironic." Jeremy giggles, his hand covered over his mouth, and Jesse grabs Jeremy's free hand, kicking away pebbles. He's almost never sees Jeremy this kind of happy anymore. "Who's the girl?"
"I don't know, it doesn't really matter though, just hope we don't get killed." Jesse starts the car, and Jeremy hangs his face out the windows, all the tombstones seeming to glare at him and the darkness brushes against his face. Someday, he swears, he'll catch the light, Jesse and him.
an. experimental, i'm trying out some things right now, different styles, stuff like that. sorry for all the typos, the ending's stupid, i know.