I'm sitting in school and I don't know how I got there. I don't remember getting on the subway. I must have walked. No, it's too far. Maybe I teleported. It seems as likely as anything else.
What time is it? I stare at the clock, trying to decipher the menaing behind the hands and the numbers. 8:15. Oh. Class has started. I look towards the front of the room and sure enough the teacher is talking. I'm not sure what she's saying. I try to listen, but I can't understand her and I don't really care. Instead I just watch her lips move. Blah blah blah.
The kid in front of me turns around and says something to me. I nod and smile. He accepts this answer and turns back around. Good.
I want to close my eyes but I don't because that would be rude. I'm so fucking tired though. I don't know why. I don't know why I don't know why.
Maybe I'm on something. That seems like the most logical explanation for why I'm aware of the earth slightly spinning. I don't remember taking anything. I don't remember anything. I'm nobody. I have no past. I didn't exist before this. Maybe I don't even exist now.
And then I remember something. The feel of bike pedals beneath my feet, the texture of guitar strings against my hands, the wetness of tears against my cheeks. Maybe I am a person after all.
I remember being a little kid, moving a toy firetruck across the carpet. I always wanted to be a firefighter. Have I not accomplished that yet? Why not? Oh, I'm too young. Well fuck that, I want to go fight some fires.
The bell rings and I stand up mechanically and move to the next class and before I know it I'm back at my apartment, alone. I can't sit still, I'm pacing, searching through piles of crap, looking under furniture. Where is it? Where is what?
I'm looking for something but I don't know what it is. All I know is that it is important and I'm very aware of how it's missing, I can feel this emptiness. I need to find it. But it's hard to find something when you don't know what it is. Well it's not in the apartment.
I leave and start walking the streets, tempted to walk up to strangers and say, "do you know what I'm looking for? Can you help me?" but my tongue feels stuck in my mouth, I can't talk. Besides, I'm aware of how they'd look at me, of how little sense I'd make. I have not completely lost my mind, right? At least I know when I'm crazy, right?
I walk into stores and touch all the merchandise. No, no it. This isn't it.
In one of the stores somebody comes up to me. "Can I help you?"
No, you can't. Nobody can help me. I try to say that but instead I just shake my head and she walks off. She seems so pretty and kind and for a second I want her to come back and maybe I could explain to her and maybe she'd understand. But the moment passes and I remember I'm in this alone, whatever this is.
I walk out into the street again and realize I don't know which way is home.