Chapter One: Goodbye Luke Lehman

I had too many boys when I was sixteen. I learned a lot that year, I have to admit. I made some mistakes along the way, met some great guys, lost some terrible ones. My name is Cassie Maguire and this is my story. I'll start at the beginning.

It was September, just the start of my junior year and I was sitting in my room, listening to my boyfriend of nearly nine months telling me it was over. He went on and on about how were weren't meant to be, that I was looking for a serious commitment and he just wanted to have fun. Fun? Didn't we have fun? Like that one time we played XBox all day long, only taking breaks to use the bathroom, get a snack or make out for a few minutes? If he didn't want a serious commitment, then why the hell did he stay with me for so damn long? I blew my light brown bangs away from my forehead. I just got them cut and I wasn't used to it yet, the hair always on my skin. I had to spray them back when I worked out. I crossed my arms, noticing they looked bigger than usual. Damn comfort eating. Lately I knew my relationship had turned sour, I just didn't want to believe it. I did believe in food however. Fast food, Mexican food, cupcakes. It was my way of escaping reality. Why couldn't I be one of those people that lost weight when stressed out? Why did I have to be the one to finish a whole thing of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia?

Luke's hair was growing out and I hated it. Who was he trying to be? Zac Efron?

"Look Cassie, it's just…not working out. Simple as that." How easy for him. He wasn't breaking a sweat, he had a smirk on his face. It was like he was ecstatic to finally be able to do this to my face.

"I just don't get why you couldn't dump me back when we started dating?" I said, then started to get angrier. We just had sex minutes before this stupid conversation. The dick head used me for one last screw. I was humped and dumped.

"I just-"

I cut Luke off. "Why did you just have sex with me then? I am not someone to be used!"

"I didn't use you. I thought it would be nice to share that one last time before we broke up," Luke said in such an annoying voice, I wondered why I never noticed just how annoying it was until now.

I let out an aggravated grunt. I picked up the stuffed animal he gave me for valentine's day. The one with the white teddy bear holding a heart that says, "I love you." Yeah, right. I threw it right at his stupid head, hoping it would ruin his Zac Efron styled hair. "Get the hell out of my room!"

"We can still be friends!" Luke suggested.

"Friends? Why would I ever want to be your friend?" I shouted. Thank god nobody was home. My brother would probably tell on me to my mom about having a boy in my room. Yes, he was seventeen and yes, I was sixteen. But that didn't mean we were mature. We still tattle told.

"I don't want to part on bad terms," Luke shrugged his shoulders, looking at me with a hopeful grin.

"Get out now. Now!"

Luke got out. Then the word got out. At school, that is. Everyone knew about it the next day, people coming up to me to ask how I was, even guys asking me if I really cheated on Luke with his best friend. I would give them all the same annoyed look and tell them to just beat it like Michael Jackson.

"Luke Lehman is the biggest loser at school," My best friend Mia said, as she held a book close to her chest, rolling her eyes.

"I know. I mean, why does everyone care too? It's not like they were the ones that got dumped. After we had sex!" I said a little too loudly. A crowd of girls giggled behind me.

Mia shook her head. "And yet, girls will line up to take your place."

"Thanks for reminding me."

"How many girls is he going to play before they get it?" Mia asked.

"Thank you Mia. I was one of those girls. Actually, I am very surprised we lasted this long. It's a miracle really! But I gave him my all."

"And you gave him your virginity," Mia reminded me.

I gave her a harsh look. Did she have to remind me of this, especially now? "Let's stop talking about him."

"Got it. So, tomorrow, Ethan is having a bonfire," Mia started her nonstop smile talk. "He says he has friends for you."

I shook my head at her. Mia honestly thought I would want to start dating right away. As if my heart was self curing and all I had to do was push a button to rid of the excess damage. I put my arm around her shoulder, almost mockingly as I told her, "Sweetie. I am in no mood for new boys."

Mia rolled her eyes and stopped walking. We were in the middle of the cafeteria area, and people started to get annoyed with us standing in their way to the lines for food.

"It's time to move on."

"It's only been a day!" I exclaimed incredulously.

Mia shook her head at me. Her only child diva attitude started to escape her tiny body as she moved animatedly. "So what? He was a jerk and there are new guys to be with. You're pretty Cassie!"

I shrugged my shoulders defeated, a small smile showing from her compliment. "Okay. So, where is this bonfire?"

I grabbed a ride from my brother unwillingly. And when I say unwillingly, I'm being nice. We don't get along. In fact, the last time we did, I was in my mother's womb. He always ganged up on me, told me what to do, smirked when I got in trouble. It was as if he was trying to get revenge for taking the sole attention off of him when I was born. He hates my parents admiring me when he thinks he deserves the high praise after a big achievement. But it's not my fault my parents favored me. I was just more grounded, more obedient. He didn't have to throw a party when they were away, crashing one of their cars into the mailbox. They still bring that up during arguments.

"Thanks for giving me a ride Kyle. My car is still in the shop," I told him, sliding into the front seat.

"Back," Kyle stated, not looking at me when he barked his order.


"Chelsea is coming with us today," Kyle raised his eyebrows up in down, in his true perverted fashion.

I groaned as I rolled my eyes, pushing his face away with my hand. "You're so gross. She's not into you anymore. When will you give up?"

Kyle furrowed his forehead and gave a look of disdain in my direction. "You're just jealous because Luke dumped you. Now, get in the back!" He ordered.

I sighed as I climbed over his interior. He yelled about that, saying I was going to scratch his center console with my shoes. Since when did flip flops ever hurt plastic?

It took Chelsea ten long, excruciating minutes to finally arrive. Her bleached blond hair was sleek and always surprisingly appeared shiny despite the over processing of it. She looked all bubbly, giving him a sincere smile as she threw her books on the ground of the car. It made a loud sound and I saw my brother cringe. Ah, his Pontiac GTO. His pride and joy.

"So, guess what?" Chelsea stated, totally oblivious to me sitting in the back.

"What?" Kyle asked sweetly, complete opposite of his voice to me just minutes earlier.

Chelsea finally catches me in the backseat. Her face shifted and she gave him a look I couldn't read. She attempted a smile in my direction as she hopped in the front seat.

"Oh, hey Cassandra." She always felt the need to call me by my full name, when I never went by that. Except for when my mother was scolding me. Then I got my middle name as well. I knew I was in the danger zone when my last name was added to it.

"Hi Chelsea," I said in return.

Her eyes darted back to Kyle and I'm ignored again. Which was fine with me because I turned on my iPod and blocked her happy, sugary sweet voice talking about how Angela Cushman finally fessed up to being bulimic, which got her off the cheerleading squad so she could get help, which made Chelsea happy because she no longer had to endure her rants about everything.

I closed my eyes, emerging myself into a world which didn't exist. Into a world where I am accepted for who I am. Even if my nose had a slight bump on it, mirroring Ashlee Simpson pre-surgery. Even if my hair easily created spilt ends and I had to trim it as often as Chelsea and Kyle broke up. In my fantasy world, there's a boy who is head over heels for me, and we don't break up after sex.

We reached Chelsea's house and Kyle leaned in to kiss her.

"I love you baby," He claimed, stroking her face with his hand. Ugh, it's so gross. I never liked seeing them engage in public displays of affection. It always left me wanting to vomit.
"I love you too Kyle my guyle," She squeaked out with a giggle. They kissed once more. Ew, the torture would never stop.

I wondered if they would last this time, because the last time, they both cheated on each other. They were seriously twisted.

I got back into the front seat, glad that she was gone, but also irritated because my brother wanted to talk about his relationship with Chelsea. Sometimes I think he thought I was his free psychologist.

"So, Chelse and I are doing so much better. I think she really respects my wishes now. She knows better than to flirt."

"Yeah. But you also cheated on her with this girl she hung out with. You're a pig. Just like all men," I scolded.

Kyle shook his head and squeezed my jaw with strong force. "You're just so not cute."

"Ouch!" I wailed out in pain, hitting him in the arm to get him away. Only a few more minutes and I would be able to escape this reality of my life and lock the door, so I could talk to Steven Johnson online, so I could lament about my entire day and how my ex-boyfriend had stupid hair.

Steven was my first boyfriend. We met in middle school, while taking the same school bus home. He lived about five minutes away from me. He wasn't particularly the most handsome guy at school. He was going through that awkward puberty stage. He was kind of lanky for his young age. He was one of the tallest boys. He had some acne, but that didn't hide the fact that he had some incredible hazel eyes that changed colors according to his shirt hue. His legs were long and he looked odd when he ran in P.E. but there was something about him. We started a relationship after he told me he never had a girlfriend before. I told him I never had a boyfriend before. So we found it to be necessary to move onto the next step. He asked if I wanted to see a movie.

Our first date was just weird. We went from talking crap about our teachers to holding sweaty hands while watching the latest comedy flick. I couldn't look over at him the entire movie. I found myself so stressed out about touching his hand that I couldn't concentrate on the funny lines. In fact, when people in the audience started laughing, I laughed along, unaware of what they were actually snickering at.

We broke up days later after we shared our first kiss. He tried to use his tongue, but I didn't know how to return that. So the kiss was one sided and I broke away, embarrassed that a boy who minutes earlier drank a cherry Icee, now had his red stained tongue flailing about in my mouth. I wasn't ready for a relationship. He moved away the summer before high school.

We kept in touch through the Internet. Sometimes he wrote me e-mails and I responded, divulging the lame details of my tiny life, expressing openly how I felt about Luke Lehman and how much I wanted to take scissors to his ridiculous hair.