Disclaimer: I own Lewis Anderson, Mr. Baker, Billie Bob, Connor, Winston, Angelica, Johnny, Lillian, George Brown, Betty, and all the other students. However, I don't own Slimm Shady, Pokemon, or even Game Boy.

Now, time for the field trip!

It was a happy, cheerful Monday morning in the town of Point Granite. The birds were singing, the dogs were eating them, and people were happily driving and smashing their cars into their enemies' mailboxes while singing along to Slimm Shady.

While this was going on, four-year-old Lewis Anderson had arrived at his preschool, Point Granite School for Tykes, happy as a clam.

"This is such a pulchritudinous day!" he said with a smile. "I get to see my friends Winston, Angelica, Connor, and Lillian, I get to learn, and most importantly, I get to tutor the other children! Oh, this is going to be such a marvelous day." But what he didn't know was that this day would be the day Lewis began the first of the many adventures he'd have.

The little boy strode up to Room 17 (his classroom) and opened the door. Stepping inside, he was surprised to see that everyone in his class had food with them.

"Everyone, what're you doing?" he gasped. "Why have you brought food when there's some in the refrigerator?"

"Didn't you hear about what happened on Saturday night?" Lewis's friend Angelica questioned, walking up to him with a bag of potato chips. When Lewis shook his head, Angelica stated, with her mouth full of chips, "Well, on Saturday, our teacher Ms. Ellis hosted a party in our classroom and invited some friends of hers from a place called 'Sigma Phi Kappa.' As the party was going on, the refrigerator broke. Ms. Ellis called the thing a 'piece of crap,' and kicked it really hard, hurting her big toe, and she also screamed that her toe was a piece of crap. Then, the police came and everyone ran off, except for Ms. Ellis, whose big toe was still hurting. The repair guy tried to fix it, but it turned out he was a robber and he took all the pennies in our birthday piggy bank."

"And he stole all the cookies from the cookie jar!" wailed a boy with curly reddish-brown hair, holding up an empty jar.

"Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?" everyone except for Angelica and Lewis asked in a singsong voice.

"I SAID THE FRIGGIN' ROBBER WHO DRESSED UP AS A REPAIR GUY STOLE THE COOKIES FROM THE FRIGGIN' COOKIE JAR AND HE ALSO TOOK ALL THE STUPID PENNIES FROM THE BIRTHDAY PIGGY BANK!" the boy screamed at the top of his lungs. "DIDN'T ANY OF YOU UNDERSTAND ME EARLIER, YOU PILES OF TRASH?!"

"No," a girl with a pink dress said quietly.

Ignoring the boy with the curly reddish-brown hair, Angelica said, "We're getting something called a substitute teacher today, and he has a treat for all of us. I hope we get ice cream." She held up her bag of potato chips and asked, "Wanna chip?"

"No, thank you, Angelica," Lewis said. He noticed Winston standing next to a boy wearing glasses and walked over. The boy with the glasses appeared to be chewing something.

"Salutations, Winston Conway," the boy greeted him. "Who's this boy next to you?"

"Lewis, meet George Brown," Winston said, introducing the boy with the glasses.

"Hello, George." Lewis tried to shake hands with him, but noticing that the boy kept on chewing, he asked, "What's George eating?"

With a smile, Winston replied, "George Brown here isn't chewing food, Lewis; he's chewing gum."

"Gum?" Lewis asked, puzzled.

"Gum."

"Gum?"

"Gum."

"Gum?"

"Gum."

"Gum?"

"Food!" Lillian suddenly cried, tossing some crackers into the air. One hit George on the head, but nevertheless he continued chewing gum.

"Why is he chewing gum, Winston?" Lewis asked, puzzled.

"I dunno," Winston answered with a shrug. "He's just chewing gum."

Suddenly, the little girl in the pink dress, whose name was Betty, peered outside the classroom's door. Eyes widening, she turned to her classmates and whispered loudly, "Quick everyone! Hide your food! Our substitute teacher's coming!"

"How do you know who he is?" Lillian questioned.

"I saw him myself, you dumb head! His name's Mr. Baker and he's coming this way!"

"HOLY CRAP!" everyone screamed. Quickly, they all hid their snacks underneath their desks and straightened up the classroom as fast as they could. However, one random kid jumped out the window and ran off into the sunset. No one saw him do it, therefore he was soon out of the plot line.

"What should I do with this jar of cherries?" Johnny asked, jumping in place.

"I dunno, throw it out the window!" Lillian replied.

"Yes, Johnny!" Betty called to him. "Throw the cherries out the window!" Little Johnny Bryant did as Betty told him, and he threw the jar of cherries out the classroom window, where it hit a truck and caused it to crash into a fire truck, which eventually caused a pile-up near the preschool.

Lewis and his classmates sat in their seats like good little angels as their substitute teacher came in. He was a auburn-haired man who wore a pair of overalls and sandals as well as a pair of glasses.

"Hello, boys and girls," he said. "My name's Mr. Baker, and I'm going to be your substitute teacher for today. Your teacher Ms. Ellis has—"

"We know," Angelica interrupted him. "She had a party in our classroom with some friends of hers when all of a sudden, the refrigerator broke. She then called the refrigerator a piece of crap, kicked it really hard and broke her big toe, and called that a piece of crap."

"Oh…well, that's right, little girl," Mr. Baker said. "Well, you all might be surprised to hear this, but your teacher's in jail. She was arrested for holding a party in this school without permission, and most importantly, her guests didn't work at this school. Doing things like that is against the law, boys and girls, and you could get in trouble."

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORIIIIIIIIIING," Johnny moaned. "Is that what we're gonna learn about, Mr. Baker?"

"Well, little boy, no," the substitute teacher answered. "I've decided to give you kids a little something fun to do today." Everyone looked at Mr. Baker in amazement. They were going to do something fun today? Just then, Lillian piped up.

"What're we gonna do today that's so fun, Mr. Baker?" she questioned. "Are we gonna color pictures and show them to our parents?"

"No, little girl," Mr. Baker replied. More kids began to ask questions about what they were going to do today.

"Are we gonna watch a movie? I've always wanted to see 'Airplane!'. It's really funny."

"Are we going to paint?"

"Maybe we should read."

"Are we going to play dress-up?

"Is this the day we burn the whole school down?" Johnny asked that question, just so you know.

"Can we do paintballs?"

"Let's listen to the radio!"

"I wanna play 'leapfrog!'"

"Cheese rhymes with spaghetti!"

"Alright, stop it!" Mr. Baker finally shouted. "That's enough. We're not playing any of those, and we're not going to burn the school down! Now, I want everyone to line up against the wall opposite the windows, facing me. Do it, or else all of you will DIE!" Lewis and the other children hurriedly did as their substitute teacher said.

As soon as the children were against the wall opposite against the windows, Mr. Baker stated, "Okay, today I'm taking you all on a field trip. Now, I want all of you to listen up as I—"

"Excuse me, what's a field trip?" Winston questioned. Some of the children began to murmur to one another, thinking about what a field trip really was.

"I know what it is," Lewis announced matter-of-factly. "A field trip is an itinerary to a foreign place made by an array of people. They're usually done for education purposes."

"Well, well, well, we have a little smart Alec in here," Mr. Baker observed. Then, he straightened himself up, spat on the ground, and announced, "Well class, like the little boy said, a field trip is...uh...what we're going on today. Where we're going is a secret for all of you and to the staff here at the Point Granite School for Tykes. They must never know of what we're about to do. But first, before we head off, I'm going to take attendance." He pulled out a clipboard from nowhere and called out, "Lewis Anderson!"

"Present," the little boy called out.

"Okay, good. Now, where's Winston Conway?"

"Over here!" Winston called out. He was at the far end of the line, on the left.

"Fantastic. Now, where in the world is—"

"Carmen San Diego? She's probably in Timbuktu," Johnny sniggered. "Or most likely in New York City. Well, I don't know where she is, but—"

"SILENCE, I haven't called you yet!" Mr. Baker snapped. He looked back at his clipboard and calmly said, "Where's Lillian Paget?"

And so, after nearly fifteen minutes of taking attendance and screaming at the kids whenever they made a sly comment, Mr. Baker led the children down the hallway, being silent as mice. Well, they tried to be silent as mice as they tip-toed down the hallway.

Tip-toe…tip-toe…tip-toe…CRASH!

"CONNOR ARNETT, put that garbage can back upright, ya clumsy oaf!" Mr. Baker screamed at him. Connor quietly picked up the garbage can and shushed him, whispering, "We have to be very quiet, Mr. Baker."

Tip-toe…tip-toe…tip-toe…KLANG!

"ANGELICA QUINN, pick up that darn Red Bull can and throw it in the recycle bin!" Mr. Baker roared at the girl in pigtails. Nervously, Angelica did as she was told, only she tossed the Red Bull can into another classroom.

Tip-toe…tip-toe…

"WHAT'S WITH THE FRIGGIN' TIP-TOEING, YOU WACKY LADY?!" Mr. Baker screamed at the author. "STOP WASTING THIS STORY WITH THE TIP-TOE THING AND GET A MOVE ON!"

"Sorry, sir!" the author quipped in embarrassment. "I'll stop."

So, Lewis and his classmates hurried out the doors before anyone could see them. With a sigh, Mr. Baker said aloud, "Thank God that I didn't have to go through that whole tip-toe thing. Heh…tip-toe…what a weird word." "Okay, Mr. Baker, I don't know about this whole field trip thing," Winston stated while Johnny took off his shirt.

"I don't care," said Johnny proudly. "What's important is that, after all this time, I can finally do this!" He pulled out a sequin Mardi Gras mask from nowhere, picked up a few stones the size of his fist, and chucked it at the school's windows. He laughed like a maniac when the stones broke through the glass, shouting, "That's what you get for giving me detention during recess on the first day of school, you fat imps!"

"Come on, boys and girls, over here!" Mr. Baker called out. Lewis and the children followed him to where a bus was parked. Sitting in the driver's seat was a portly man with a drink hat upon his cranium.

"Class, I'd like you to meet Billie Bob," the substitute teacher announced, pointing to the portly man. "He's going to be our bus driver for our field trip."

"Howdy y'all," Billie Bob groggily said. "We's goin' to have a fine day, now are we?"

"It's a delectation to acknowledge you, Billie Bob," Lewis said politely, offering his hand. When the portly bus driver didn't shake his hand, the little boy said, "Well, my name's Lewis Anderson, and—"

"Yea, yea, get in de bus, kid," Billie Bob ordered. "C'mon, there's a line behind yous." Glancing behind him, Lewis blushed with embarrassment at the children standing behind him and looking at him with impatience.

"Oh dear me…I apologize, everyone," Lewis hurried onto the bus and took a seat. Eventually, Winston sat besides him and Lillian and Angelica sat in the seat behind them. As soon as everyone got on the little bus, Mr. Baker climbed on and made his announcement.

"All right, listen up class," he said. "As I said earlier, I'm going to take all of you on a field trip. But where we're going is for me to know and for you to find out. But first, here's a few rules: rule number one; there shall be norunning off while we're at our destination. I'm not going to be telling all your parents about this if you go missing or get kidnapped. Rule number two, I'm going to buy food for all of you, unless you have food on you?"

"We all do, Mr. Baker," Connor stated, holding up a bag of Cheetohs. The auburn-haired teacher nodded his head and added, "Okay, that's good. And rule number three, no one must tell anyone that we're from the Point Granite School for Tykes. Instead, you must tell them that we're from an orphanage in a far-off land, where it's plagued with bombings, disease, and poverty, and that the caring, loving person who looks after all of you has saved enough money to take you all on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity trip. Now, do you all understand? Good. Billie Bob, take us outta here!"

"You got it, Mr. Baker!" the portly bus driver merrily replied. He started up the bus and soon, after crashing into sixteen cars that belonged to staff members, they were out of the school's parking lot.

As Lewis looked out the window as Billie Bob drove, he wondered what kind of field trip this would turn out to be. Would it be a simple one, where they'd go to a museum and look at fossils, pottery that was over three centuries old, and jewels? Or would it be full of peril, where they'd go to a graveyard, wait until darkness came, and battle zombies and aliens that randomly came? "Simple or perilous, this is going to be the first adventure I ever had," Lewis thought to himself. The sound of a bus's horn honking brought the little boy back to reality. Apparently, a truck had cut them off and Billie Bob was honking the horn and giving its driver the middle finger, much to everyone's shock and amusement.

"Yea, that's whatcha get fer cuttin' me off, ya slacker!" the portly man bellowed, cackling like a madman. Mr. Baker, who was sitting in the seat behind him, waved his hand at Billie Bob and told him, "Hold on there, Bill. Let him go; I'm sure he'll get a ticket for speeding, eventually, or maybe he'll crash." Just then, a bright idea came into his mind. "I know, we got a radio on this bus, don't we?" Connor, who was sitting next to Mr. Baker, was playing his Game Boy and didn't seem to pay attention.

"Hah, take that, Koga of Fuchsia City!" the boy chuckled under his breath. "My Charizard is no match for your Muk!"

"Well, yea," Billie Bob replied. "Why d'ya ask?"

"Well, I was thinking Billie Bob, since we have that radio, I say we should turn it on and listen to some music!"

"SHE'LL BE COMING 'ROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES! SHE'LL DRIVING PAPA CRAZY WHEN SHE COMES!" George sang off-key. "SHE'LL BE EATING WAFFLE PANCAKES, SHE'LL BE SNIFFING GOULASH HAM CAKES, SHE'LL BE SCREAMING BLOODY MARY WHEN SHE COMES!"

There was a long, awkward pause. "George, what the heck was that?" Mr. Baker finally asked, breaking the silence.

"Uhm…something I made up on my own?" George offered in reply.

"Well, let's keep it that way. Any way, no one turned on the radio yet. Why in the name of the underworld are you singing?"

"I don't know, teacher!" George laughed as he clapped his hands stupidly. "I'm just feeling very special today!"

"Yes, you are." And so, the adventure began as Billie Bob turned on the radio and switched to the oldies, despite everyone's protests about the oldies being so...old.

So, what'll happen to Lewis and his classmates? And most importantly, where are they going?

Please review!