My heart is a glass box.
All of my feelings are hidden inside, yet so easy to see when it's clear. My hopes, my dreams, my love… all protected inside this glass box.
When I first came into this life, the glass box was crystal clear. No blemishes. No scratches. No smears. Just plain beautiful glass, shimmering with the soul that it held inside of it.
But with time, the glass began to dull. It become foggy, smears wiped all around it. Scratches visibly where my heart had been attacked at. More importantly, there are exactly two deep, deep scars marked into it. In some places, you could probably almost see where it's been shatter before. Now it all the pieces are back together, but the scars remained. Never to heal completely.
But I've learned to live my life, scars and all. I don't regret the past, because I know the past made me who I am today. And even though there are some parts of myself that I'm not happy with, I'm generally happy with myself. So why waste time worrying about the past.
I was able to cherish my scars, and look at them with pride. Though what made the scars aren't a happy memory, what was life was like when I got them, how I was living… that I can cherish. Because I know that my soul is a beautiful thing because of it.
And now… that glass box is on unstable grounds. I don't know yet if I'm going to have another huge scar after this, but for now… I'm waiting the pain to finally sink in. I've got the scratches… I've got the bruises… I'm just waiting to realize what exactly happened…
I'm waiting for my heart to finally shatter… for the pain to become real finally. It's going to happen… I'm going to drop that box. It's going to shatter all across the floor and finally the tears will flow so freely. I'll finally feel the hurt… I'll feel all the cuts into my heart.
Then… once I've realized all the cuts and found all the bruises… I'll patch myself up. I'll bandage the cuts I can find, and the rest… it will heal in time. Then the glass will gloss over again after going through all that pain.
Like gold purified by the flame, I will be beautiful again. My soul will be beautiful again. And life will go on as we now. I'll find a new purpose in the meantime, but my life goal still stands. As I hope it will till it can be fulfilled.
Until then… I'm walking on a shaky ground. Waiting… just waiting for me to trip or stumble and then finally the box will shatter. I'm just waiting for the inevitable.
Of course, there is a chance to go on will life without having the glass box to shatter. But that's not life. That's not reality. That's just wishes. Unreal wishes.
I'm ready to face reality… till then… I'm just waiting.