I'm not sure I care for poetry anymore, but lines of it flit, half written, through my mind as I stare out the window.

I'll bury you in the white sand

In this space where sky meets sea, in this place where heaven melts the earth and polishes it to shine with light from the sun; moves it with the spin of the moon. In this place where for a moment, even I have peace, even I have calm, even I wonder if I cannot accomplish love.

We will comb our fingers through

These fine ivory dreams

I communed with nature once, I think. I spoke to rocks. They said "time has softened even we, Stone, why would you hope to stand against its currents?". And I said

I am made of softer stuff than stone

So I'd stop trying to fight the flow. But the reeds, the broken ones, off down stream said "and we are taken far from home, from what we need, by bending too far". There was a lesson there, they led me to believe, but it wasn't something I didn't already know.

But I remember, as I comb my fingers through fine ivory dreams. Stones, softer than I am these days, billions of pieces worn and weathered fitting snugly together

What edges must I wear smooth to do the same?

There's a place off the beach, where my childhood flits through doorways and over kitchen plates. Where I am small and smiling and I am saying in my mind

Someday, I will take you here

Where sky meets sea

Where I can be young through confections and the garble of a tongue I still can't follow.

And I know, I don't believe in poetry anymore, I don't believe in fate or love or all the things the child swore she'd cherish; I know I've become one of the people she pitied most. The dreamers who can only half dream, burdened with good sense and logic. But I'm writing it in my mind, carefully selecting lines, carefully building an image.

I'm sorry, but I think it's for you.

Someday when I am brave

I will show you.

Someday, I will take you here

Where sky meets sea

I'll bury you in the white sand

Someday when I am brave

We will comb our fingers through

These fine ivory dreams

Someday, I will take you here

I will share simple memories

"And she'd bring me from Astoria-"

Someday, when I feel whole

I will try for you

Someday when I am brave

Someday when there is time

I'll bury you in white sand

There will be space for your smile

There will be a place

Hallowed and well-kept in me

For you to come and pray

Someday, I will take you here

We will watch the sea change

We will watch color shift under the weight of storms

I'll bury you in white sand

"How many dreams"

I will say

"How many soft edges scatter along this shore"

I'll bury you in white sand

Under endless, softened, ivory dreams

Someday, when I take you here