i love the crisp cool of your sheets when the air conditioner is on
and we lay there in the half-dark, watching one wall where the aquarium's soft light
dances with the shadows,
a chiaroscuro
and your voice – your eyes were so soft in the dark;
i love these nights, because it's easier to convince myself
that you love me.

i've always had nightmares about loneliness,
being forgotten because i know it's inevitable.
but they transform when i'm with you, eyes closed and asleep –
transform into nightmares about you dying and leaving me.
and i wake up pressed close to your back, simultaneously cold and warm, breathing hard in fear
and listening to you dream
it's the dead of night.
i throw my arm around your waist.

security is what i lack.
i crave it, dream of a new façade that'll leave everyone spinning
crave the feel of your arms around me.
like how the caged bird craves the safety of the sky,
the solitary orca in the large glass aquarium craves the cold of the sea.
how a frightened child craves kin's reassuring embrace, head tucked in close, ear to heartbeat.
i need a remedy to this solitude but it is my master and my captor
i crave the dark of night around me.
the pale touch of moonlight and the whisper of the wind
but above all i still need you.


a/n: i don't know.