I had no idea it was gonna be such a strange day. It started when I woke up in the morning with my alarm beeping in my ears like the house was on fire. I mean it, that alarm was loud. And it was 5:15 in the morning, something my friend Marie would call an "ungodly" hour. I just did what I always did; I sat up, stretched, and rubbed all the crust and shit out of my eyes. And then I remembered a rather lovely dream I was having. "Shit," I said, "she was just about to take her clothes off." I'm 14, so naturally I'm kinda perverted. So I did what I normally do, exercise, shower, eat, all that. And then I got to school. It was right before first period, so I was just sitting dazedly in the cafeteria. And I remember thinking this exact sentence. This day seems so normal, yet about to be so strange. Being a cynical bastard by nature, I then thought, Why am I thinking in a funny way? Have I been out in the sun too long? I decided just to take a nap, but the bell rang exactly at that moment. Exactly at that moment. Right when I lowered my head, there was this loud ringing noise. Oddly enough, I was wide awake in first period. Well, the reason was that there was a test coming up, and I nearly always failed. I'm not stupid; well not in the exact sense of the word, I can be a smart bastard most of the time. I just fail at geometry. Utterly. Epic failure. Not just that, if I had to describe how bad it was, I'd say it was worse two train wrecks and a five-car pileup. Much worse.
Well, by the time I walked out of school at 3:00, I was pretty happy. Not obnoxious or anything, but pretty happy. Today was Friday. On Friday, all my friends and I would hang out at somebody's house. And this was what I like to do, of course, because I'm not antisocial or anything. So I sat down and people began settling around me, all with one thing in common: anime fandom. Some of them had anime obsessions as well. I knew all of them. My brother Tom was actually one of them. I know it's probably weird to hang out with the same people as your brother, but I just do, so don't judge me. Anyway, back to the story. Begin craziness...now!
Shanti, the tall girl, spoke first. "Okay, we're going to Veronica's, right?"
"Duh, where else, Shanti?" This came from Tom, my brother, whose best weapons were sarcasm and rock'n'roll guitar.
"Say that again?" replied Shanti threateningly. Violence is her best weapon.
"Give him a BOOT TO THE HEAD!" replied somebody with a maniacal expression on his face. This was Benedict. He was the resident maniac among us. He was also a gaming fanatic and a zombie.
"Shut up, Benedict." Both Tom and I said it at the same time. It's something we do, because we're just that special.
It is important to know that nobody here is being serious. Okay, not very serious. It is also important to know that nobody here is on crack. Emily, the least not-serious and the most not-on-crack person there, sighed. "Sometimes my friends act like they're in a sitcom," she said to no one in particular. But before no one in particular could reply, I chose to. And it was a pretty good zinger, if you ask me.
"And yet you still hang out with us. Masochist, by any chance?"
"What do you think?" Tom cut in. "She's already taking drugs," he said, as Emily could barely function without a huge cup of coffee. Emily rolled her eyes, as she had heard this many times before.
"Tom," Emily replied. "I have a very low tolerance for stupidity now, so..." She gestured to a rather large book she was carrying.
Emily raised an eyebrow. In her culture this is a traditional gesture indicating Do you want to die? In fact if you looked hard enough, you could actually see a rip appear in her eyebrow and see it move like a mouth while saying those exact words. "I get it, I get it! For people who act like they're in a sitcom, at least it isn't the Three Stooges! Oy vey." I quickly learned to regret that statement, as Tom quickly poked me in both eyes. "Why you..." I said in my best Larry impersonation. I then proceeded to comically attack him in as Stooges-like a manner as possible. After about a minute of random insanity, somebody spoke up.
"Hey, geek-boys!" yelled one of the girls.
"Yes, Lilith?" we both replied at exactly the same time.
"Stop attacking one another, you look ridiculous," she said, clearly looking somewhat exasperated.
"Yes, mother," I said sarcastically. I'm not too good at sarcasm, but I try to use it on occasion, and I suck at detecting it. "Geschpatzies," I continued, muttering to myself in a torrent of both English and broken Yiddish. This I was just doing for the hell of it. It sounded somewhat paranoid, and I was waving my hands like I was conducting a freaking symphony or something. And then Marie showed up. There is much that can be said about Marie. A lot of the time she's sickeningly sappy and hopelessly optimistic, sometimes not, either way we both know each other pretty well. "What's wrong?" she said, being a concerned and slightly crazy soul. Tom shrugged and said "He must've gone all paranoid again." Marie then proceeded to demonstrate exactly why I described her as slightly crazy.
"Don't worry, Charlie, no one's out to get you!" she said, extremely overdramatically. "It's only the way you look at things, if only you were more positive..." I just rolled my eyes and grinned. Because at this moment, she could have beaten William Shatner in a professional-level crappy acting contest. I wasn't even listening anymore, but I still heard occasional things about "peace", "happiness", or "butterflies", and once something about "Waltzing Matilda". I turned my attention to Kit (her name's Kat, and we got tired of calling her Kit-Kat) and Veronica, who were standing off to the side and reading manga. "Still on the DBZ kick, Kit?" I said.
"I told you already! I need to get away from my webcomic!" she replied. She draws. A lot. Whenever she isn't doing anything else she's either drawing, showing people her drawings, reading comics, writing comics, or talking about comics. She also recently rediscovered her love for Dragon Ball Z. And in Dragon Ball Z, the fight scenes are the most unintentionally hilarious things since mankind discovered flatulence in places of worship.
"Whatever." Veronica saw something.
"Oi! Our bus is here!" Veronica has the biggest anime obsession out of all of us. She even talks like a really cheesy anime character sometimes. Everybody except Kit and Emily got on the bus. That's because Kit usually doesn't want to and Emily's kinda antisocial. There were practically no seats, but I managed to get one next to Benedict.
"There ain't enough room in here to swing a bagpipe," I said, being the kind of bastard who'd find a stupid crack like that funny.
"Who the hell swings bagpipes?" Tom replied, because he really didn't like or understand my strange and utterly craptacular sense of humor.
Benedict, as usual, had the answer. "ME!"
Both Tom and I were in complete agreement. "NO."
Either way, we soon got to Veronica's house, and headed straight to the basement. Veronica's basement is, quite possibly, the best hangout known to mankind. Or at least, teenkind anyway. Fully stocked with a couch, a pair of recliners, two computers, a large TV, and a PlayStation 2...okay, stop drooling. We all crashed in our respective places: Benedict and Tom in front of the TV, Shanti and Veronica at one computer, Lilith at another, and me and Marie on the two recliners. I noticed something strange, however. "Excuse me, Veronica...why is that recliner bright pink?"
Marie answered, hugging the nauseatingly pink thing. "It's my happy chair!"
"I'm not gonna ask." I picked up this extremely cheap, basically useless acoustic guitar and started noodling around. "Can I smash this thing?" I knew the answer, but I still asked because I really wanted to smash the damn thing.
"No," said Veronica. I knew I was gonna get that answer. Damn, am I good or what? Benedict and my brother had broken out the video games and had started playing Soul Calibur III. Marie, Veronica, and Shanti were watching a random anime. Tom and Benedict both began to pick out their characters for another round.
"Ah, Greed," Tom said, referring to Benedict's choice of character. "Mere words cannot describe Greed. Greed must be experienced."
"I'd like to experience Greed," quipped Marie (with extreme deadpan), still not turned around. Honestly, Tom set himself up for that one, and it was truly hilarious.
We were all roaring/shrieking/howling with laughter at that. "Haha! Marie likes old men!" Marie turned around and saw that Greed was, in fact, a wrinkly old man in a ninja suit. (Better that than a ninja in a man suit, eh?) She was unaffected. because she does that shit all the time, and she continued to watch anime as Tom and Benedict began working their thumbs to the bone. Lucky for me, Lilith had deserted the computer to show everyone else one of her animes. I took her spot and surfed the net for a while. I managed to listen to an entire Iron Maiden album and a few songs by a random French rock band. After that I was pretty much bored to sleep. So I decided to tell Marie some dirty jokes. One, because, as I said before, I'm partly a sex maniac (What did you expect? I'm a teenager!) and two, because Marie can't handle a dirty joke for her life. So this is what I told Marie: "I am in dirty joke overdrive right now, and I am willing to bet I can make a dirty joke out of everything you say." She looked at me with a glance that in my mind said, Just try.
I cut her off at the pass. "...are you going to fit!" I could tell she was a little pissed off, at both me and my dirty joke.
"There isn't enough lube!" Marie, her low tolerance for perversion besting her, curled up in a fetal position murmuring "Butterflies and happiness...Butterflies and happiness..."
"Is what you feel like after a night of hot sex," I said, smirking at my last parting shot. "Ah, come on, Marie, you know I only do this for fun. Besides, I got a perversion backlog." Marie, still in her fetal position, murmured, "I don't want to hear about it." "Sorry," I shrugged.
"Okay, everybody," said Shanti. "After this, there is a movie you have got to see." Shanti always brought in a movie. Every week, with clockwork regularity. But I ain't complaining, because a lot of the time they turned out pretty good. Shanti set up the movie and someone turned out the lights. It was something about vampires in Hong Kong. It wasn't bad; the fight scenes were pretty good anyway. But it was impossible to take it seriously once they started speaking. At one of the transition scenes, however, Benedict started making out with Marie. Making out. Yep. Now let me explain a couple of things. One, I'm short, I have a lot of facial hair, and most girls would call me ugly. Two, I have never gotten any attention from a girl in my life, and three, I have a gigantic envy thing. So, the closest thing I can describe it as is watching somebody eat a supreme pizza right in front of you very slowly. Or being kicked in the balls several times. Either way, not exactly something to feel good about. Now guess what Veronica said next.
"Benedict and Marie are making out!"
"Jeez, Veronica, you just noticed," quipped Tom.
Meanwhile, I put on my shoes and was out the door, before anybody noticed. I started to walk. I didn't know why I was walking, to tell the truth. I just wanted to get away. It sounds kinda crazy, and I'm pretty sure it is. This is where all the strange shit started to happen.
So I walked.
After let's say about 10 minutes, I got to the edge of town. I kept walking. By the time I stopped walking, let's say about 5 minutes later, I saw a girl sitting outside of a cheap restaurant. She was HOT. And she didn't exactly look too happy to be there. I kinda have a soft spot for hot girls who are crying and I decided to forget my own weirdness by wrapping myself up in the problems of another. So I went over to her.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
She blinked, as though seeing a person of the male gender exhibit more emotion than "ME ANGRY!" or "SEX...SEX..." was an unusual occurrence, and weirdly enough, started talking to me. I may not be so smart sometimes, but I figured she probably tell me to fuck off and go away or just completely take out her frustrations on me.
"Well, my boyfriend's so cheap he brought me here" - she indicated the flickering sign (GINO'S PIZZA: You don't like pizza? Or Gino? Fuck you.) - "and then he tells me he's dating the waitress."
Jeez, everybody's got somebody except me, I thought. Oh, shut up and be sympathetic. She just got dumped by an asshole, Jesus, man, said a voice inside me, who I like to refer to as Bob.
I tried to think of something to say. "Crap. That...sucks," I said, sort of awkwardly. Then I tried to lighten the mood a little. "I guess some people just have no taste in women," I continued. She blushed. "Come on, it's true, ain't it?" Wait, since when was I a smooth talker? I was thinking. Just keep your jaw oiled, responded Bob. "Come on, give us a smile," I continued, trying to keep my luck rolling. Okay, now you're just being ridiculous, I said to myself.
She giggled and smiled at my silliness, which was my intention. What happened next was not my intention. "You know...I could just kiss you right now"
I wasn't sure if she was serious or not, so I decided to be the funny guy. "Why don't ya? I could use the exercise."
So she did. And I mean the whole ball of wax. And I liked it. I mean this was the first piece of attention I'd ever got from a girl in my entire fucking life. I mean, no girl had ever looked twice at me, let alone kissed me. Once she withdrew, I just sort of sat there and blinked. It was just like, Whoa... "By the way..." I said, trying to change the subject, "what's your name, anyway?"
"Oh," she said, looking embarrassed. She looked like she had forgotten to put on her pants. Not that anybody would have minded, anyway. "I'm Lynn."
"Charlie," I said. Now what the hell did I do? I couldn't stay, as much as I wanted to. They'd probably notice I was gone by now. So I did something really stupid. "Well, I'd...better get going...I...uh...left the food on at home...I mean, I just - just want to make sure nothing got burned...you know..." Stuttering excuses to myself, I went down the street. I had no idea at the time, but I'd just made the biggest mistake of my fourteen years of life. By the time I'd gotten close to Veronica's, I was pretty much walking on air. I mean, I was pretty much strolling up the street, hands in my pockets, whistling a cheerful tune I'd heard in a random office supplies commercial. Everything's good, everything's groovy, it's a great day... I pretty much walked straight into Marie. "Oh...sorry," I mumbled, only half noticing who I'd bumped into.
"Hey! I've found him!" she yelled back to Benedict, who came walking a few steps behind.
"Oh, it's just you, Marie." Wait a minute. "MARIE!?" What the hell is this? I thought.
"Uh...Your brother kind of freaked out, so..."
"Jeez, I was just going for a walk. I'd come back eventually."
"Dude, nobody knew that," replied Benedict, in one of his rare moments of lucidity. "All we knew is that you were gone. So don't do that again...UNLESS YOU WANT TO FEEL THE WRATH OF MY FINGER-FU!" he said, returning to his usual maniacal self.
"Hey, guys! We found him," called Marie. Tom immediately began to chew me out. He's my brother, so he feels responsible for me a lot. Which is both a blessing and a curse.
"What the hell was that? You had me really worried!"
"I'm fine, Mother, I just needed a little fresh air," I said, laying on the sarcasm as thick as I possibly could.
"Jesus, don't do it again! At least not without a cellphone."
Lilith and Veronica came down, both looking slightly relieved. "Charlie..."
"Lilith, don't start with me, eh?"
"Oi, I am supposed to be responsible for you! Don't do that!" snapped Veronica.
Lilith continued for her. "Just let me say this: If you do that again, I will tie you to a chair and make you watch all the gay porn I have."
All...of it? I must've looked terrified at the prospect, because Veronica grinned and silently cheered. "All right, all right, you got me," I grumbled. Crazy bastards.
"'Ello 'ello 'ello!" I said as I met my friends. They all looked rather strangely at me, because I was almost never this happy. I'd been this happy for the whole week so far, and I think a few of them were worried for my mental health.
"You seem happy today," began Emily.
"And why not?" I questioned. "The sun is shining, the sky is blue, and all the rest of that crap."
"I'm not complaining," said Emily. "Just keep being happy." She always wanted me to be happy, because I was easier to put up with in that form, and if I wasn't happy I tended to bitch to her.
I shrugged, and then I noticed the arrival of Kit. "Hey, guys, we're all coming to the movie, right?" she said. Almost everybody raised their hands. "Ok, we'd better go, then."
What could go wrong? I thought, pretty much high on my own happiness. I was going to go see a good movie and I'd been having an awesome week. Unfortunately, being happy makes me stupid. So, I forgot one thing. Or rather, one person. We all went and watched the movie. I gotta tell you what's called. Iron Man. It's a great movie, honestly. After that, we all went out, blinking at the sudden sunlight.
"I did not know that was possible."
"Well, it definitely looks like it."
"I mean, a movie that manages to be funny and badass at the same time?"
"Yeah, I know, but we gotta go now."
"Hey, Charlie!" I looked around, thinking What the fuck? It was...guess who? She was back, with one of her friends clearly in tow. "Check this out, you asshole!" She then proceeded to kiss her friend, eventually forcing her tongue into her friend's mouth. Wait a minute...did I miss something? Whatever, that is HOT. I proceed to watch this, along with a million other stunned moviegoers. After all, hot girls making out ain't something you see everyday. A few people, Tom among them, had whipped out cameraphones to record this momentous event. I picked my jaw up from the ground and my mind began the long and painful process of deciphering what the hell was going on. I suddenly remembered an old saying a pessimist once told me: If you've been having an awesome week, you'd better duck, because then the shit'll hit ya.
"Okay, dude, you've got a lot of explaining to do," said Tom. Yeah, definitely a lot of explaining, I thought.
"Well, it's like this..." And I told him the whole story. How I'd kissed Lynn and left her there, pretty much high and dry. I could definitely be a stupid bastard sometimes, and this was probably the stupidest thing I'd done in stupid bastard mode. By the time I'd told the whole story, we were all at Veronica's again. "So, let me get this straight." Tom repeated what I'd just told him. "You go to a random pizza place. You meet a girl in this random pizza place. You kiss the girl. Then you leave." I saw him pause for a few seconds before voicing his opinion. "Charlie, you idiot."
"Of course she's going to be pissed at you," an exasperated Lilith stated.
"Point taken. Now in my own defense, members of the court, your honor...I WASN'T EVEN EXPECTING IT! WHAT THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO, ANYWAY?"
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but that's actually a really good point. Anybody agree?" He looked around the room. Some people shrugged, and guess who was at it again. I saw this, rolled my eyes, and made an irritated noise that sounded like a cross between an ox and a bagpipe. Tom snapped his fingers several times, and fortunately for my rapidly deteriorating personal happiness, they got the hint.
"Oh, sorry. Yeah, I guess...I could agree," said Marie.
"Agree? What is this agree you speak of?" questioned Benedict.
I had a distinct feeling this was gonna get worse. Already I thought I was never gonna be able to look at porn again. Unfortunately for me, I was right.
The next day and the day after
"Charlie, you sick bastard!"
This was one of the guys in my gym class. Of course, insulting me is just his way of saying Hello, how was your day? But I thought he might have something important to say, so I decided to respond. "What the hell are you on about?"
"You know what I'm talking about, you rapist."
Now I've been called many things in my time, ranging from "doodoohead" to "stupid son-of-a-bitch" to "Gottverdammt scheisskopf!" (the last one was a crazy German exchange student) but rapist was not one of them. "No, seriously, what the hell?" Unfortunately, I didn't get a straight answer, because Fred tried to jump in.
"Did she like it? Did you cream in her? Eh, eh?"
Fred just did this for the hell of it. He was a nice enough guy, but he thought it was funny to do that kind of shit. It probably was, unless you were me, in which case it was a complete pain in the ass. I believe you are being accused of rape, said that sensible voice I call Bob. I knew that, but who the hell'd do that, anyway?
THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE HEARD SINCE VERONICA ASKED WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WINE AND GRAPE JUICE! If Bob wasn't just a somewhat clever metaphor designed to represent the inner process of self-debate, he'd have had a heart attack by now. But hell with Bob, I knew what was going on. Seriously, Lynn, that was a low blow. I mean, if you want to get back at me, there's gotta be a better way than that. It was gonna be a long day, I knew already. I got shit all through gym class, but I tried not to listen (Emphasis on tried). I remember coming out of the locker room and some random guy said "Hey, rape-boy! Need a condom?" It wasn't just gonna be a long day, it was gonna be a really long day.
Lucky for me, karma took it easy until French class. French class by itself isn't that bad. So far I thought that I'd actually have it pretty easy and nobody else had heard. So, it wasn't so bad, we just did what shit we usually do. Until, of course, we had to do some group work. I got paired up with Spider Jones. Spider's a junior, and he's kinda freaky. I don't mean in the regular way, like most people. This guy was a well-adjusted psycho, because while everybody else knew he was off his head, none of the teachers did. He got off on rape and ultraviolence; I mean I'd seen him reading American Psycho and A Clockwork Orange (some of the most messed up books ever) and looking like he was gonna have a fucking orgasm. So, you could say I didn't really like Spider.
Spider looked at me and he said, "So, I heard you raped a girl. How was it?"
That was unquestionably the strangest thing ever said in the history of the English language. I mean it. When somebody accuses you of rape, they're usually saying something like "you sicko", not asking you to describe it to them. So I decided to let him down gently. "Uhh...Spider," I started, "I don't know how to tell you this, but I didn't rape anybody."
"Oh, come on!" he replied. "Don't be ashamed. And remember, it gets better after the first time."
I thought he was done being creepy, but he kept talking. "Do you want me to help you with your next victim?"
I take it back, that was the strangest thing ever said in the history of the English language. I mean, seriously, you got a guy like Spider Jones offering to help you with a rape, if that doesn't make alarm bells go off in your head...well, I don't know what to say. But I was thinking, Nutjob. Back away from the creepy guy. Back away slowly.
Well, after French class, the bell rang and we were dismissed, because it was the last class. I just wanted to go home by that point and lock myself in my room. Unfortunately, guess what Emily asked.
"How are you?"
"Fucking terrible," I said. "Fucking terrible. You couldn't get worse than this if you tried, I mean it. I've been accused of rape, for Christ's sake."
"Well...did you do it?"
"Okay, seriously, NO. Do you think I'd do anything like that?"
"Actually yes, because you are just that desperate."
That probably would've been a lot funnier if I wasn't pissed off as hell. I did manage to appreciate the humor in it, but not by much. So I said something that would really throw her off her stride. "Spider Jones asked if he could help me with my next victim."
That did throw her off a bit. "Spider...Jones?" I nodded. "Oh, he's just crazy, don't listen to him."
"Okay, what happened?" asked Kit. So I told her the whole story. "Dude..." said Kit. "What are you gonna do?"
"Fight fire with more fire: they throw a match at you, you hit 'em with a flamethrower," I replied, confident as hell.
"You didn't answer my question."
"That's because I have no fucking idea what to do."
I kept racking my brains throughout the whole day for what to do. At about 8:00 in the evening I had to admit it, I was completely out of ideas. Fuck, I thought, I just gotta accept the facts. I'm a dead man walking. I was gonna be ripped apart and probably taken to court over this. Nope. I'm not dead yet, and I ain't going down without a fight. It takes more than a rape allegation to get Charlie Daniels! Uh...why am I trying to give myself an inspirational speech? I just knew I needed to think of something, and think quick. So I tried again. With no success. So I just decided to talk to Marie, because I was bored and because I really needed some help here. I know some eagle-eyed smartass will say that she ain't here, but the Internet is a wonderful thing.
me: What's up?
Marie: not much
snip some small talk, me chucking the crap around, etc.
me:Hey, I really need some help here. What the hell do you do to come back from being accused of rape?
me: Yeah, pretty much.
Marie: you can't come back. it's pretty much impossible.
me: The worst part is she's lying and everybody believes it. Who the hell am I, anyway?
Marie: you're fucked (Not so optimistic now, are you, Marie?)
me: Haha. I know she's lying, but nobody else does. Wait...
me: I know she's lying, but nobody else does. So I make her tell everybody. (Yeah, brilliant bastard, aren't I?)
you wouldn't hate me if you didn't love me baby
it's wicked good
me: That's it!
The atomic bomb won't go off!
Japan can be saved from Godzilla!
Marty will get back to the future!
me: I'll explain later.
Marie: see ya
Now I had a plan. Sort of, anyway. I had to work on it a little. It was crazy, sure. Insane, probably. But it was like the only thing that could remotely help me. I have no idea how much sleep I lost that night attempting to figure out a plan. All I know is that I was either asleep or sleepy most of my classes until noon. I managed to gather everybody together and explain the plan to them.
"I have called you all here because I know the identity of the rapist," I quipped, imitating one of those old detective movies. If I'd had a pipe I would now be taking a smoke. Tom was not amused.
"Cut the crap, what is it?"
"I gotta convince Lynn to tell everyone that she's lying."
"And you're telling us why?"
"Because I need you all to help me. I have to make everything in Lynn's life go horribly wrong."
"And what will you be doing?"
I pitched my voice several octaves lower. "I shall be the Majestic God of the Hoodoo Voodoo."
"Uhhh...why don't you just try to convince her yourself?" This was Kit.
"Come on, are you kidding me? That'll never work. It'd be like the time you tried to convince Benedict that he wasn't actually a zombie."
"LIES!!" yelled Benedict.
"Shut up. Anyway..." I tried to explain the plan but everybody else was just looking at me like, You are the stupidest person I have ever met. I knew that I was just concocting this crazy plan because I didn't have the balls to talk to her myself. But what can you do if you're a chicken bastard?
"Just talk to her yourself, Charlie." This was Emily, in her I-have-no-tolerance-for-your-stupidity voice. If you hear that, you know you'd better fix something quick.
"Oh, all right. But you guys gotta pay my life insurance premiums."
After school, I began to walk back to Gino's again. I remember telling myself I was as good as dead 50 times and 50 different ways (Now that takes skill.) I had tried to convince them, but well, this was it. I saw Lynn, thinking of the phrase "Dead man walking" as I did so. I somehow managed to get to talk to her. "Hey, Lynn," I started, "you know the whole rape thing?"
"What rape thing?" she questioned, in a very innocent way that could've fooled me if I was being stupid at that moment.
"Not gonna work," I snapped. "Drop it."
"Why?" she asked, again with the whole calculated innocence thing. It was starting to get a little annoying.
"Why what?" I said, deciding to be annoying myself. If I was gonna be annoyed, I might as well give what I get.
"What? Why?" she said, probably just for the hell of it.
"Okay, didn't you mother ever tell you it's not nice to accuse someone of rape?" I snapped. "So please drop it."
"Why?" she said again. The whole what and why thing was starting to give me a headache by now.
"I'll tell you why," I responded. And I kissed her. I did not know that I had the balls to do that. And I was really lucky I didn't know that. Because apparently you can do more if you don't know what you can't do, or some shit like that.
"I hate you so much right now," she said, but I was pretty sure she was moving in for another one. Funny bastard that I am, I couldn't resist ending this with a joke. Because that was the best way to end anything.
"Well, I do hope you'll respect me in the morning," I quipped, and went in for what promised to be a rather interesting game of tonsil hockey. This is where most of the shit ends, and you can probably guess how. She told everyone that she was lying, we started seeing each other a lot more often, and you know the rest of the crap. I could probably write a fucking book on all that happened with this, but I'll leave it as it is for now. Charlie Daniels, signing off.
So, whatdaya think? Please review, because if you do so, I will review you. Thanks much.