i don't know how to deal with this universe anymore
did you know that every 5 seconds a child dies because of hunger-related causes? I did. And every time I take a bite of food I think about it, it makes me sick, it makes my head spin. Every five seconds. 16,000 a day.
The earth keeps moving and people go about their daily lives and 16,000 children die of hunger every day.
I know nothing of the pain and the hardship they've been through. I don't deserve to eat.
Another fun fact, every 8 seconds a child dies from lack of clean water. How the fuck is that possible? Water. It's so basic, so accessible. We waste it without even thinking, we take long showers, we water our lawns, we buy fucking Poland spring water bottles.
I'm so disgusted by myself and by everybody else. Why aren't we doing anything? Why aren't we fixing this? I feel so inadequate in face of the world's problems, I feel weak, helpless. I feel like somehow the world's just going to spot, because this can't be happening, this is just too much, there's no way
And yet it doesn't stop and probably as I wrote this some kids starved to death or died of preventable illnesses or from dehydration or got blown up by fucking landmines.
And I'm sitting here writing, the same cliché bullshit that everybody's heard a thousand times before. Even I bore myself. I just need to write this and I need somebody to read this and I need them to say, "yes I understand" because I need to know I'm not alone
I don't pretend to begin to know what I'm talking about, I don't pretend to begin to have a solution, I don't pretend that I'm any better than anybody else, any less caught up in my own insignificant bullshit, I don't pretend to be anything more than a kid who says fuck a lot because he has no other words to explain how scared and horrified he is
I can't fathom this, I can't wrap my head around it, I can't understand it. It's unreal. It's fucking impossible. The world can't be this terrible and we just keep living. We can't be buying perfume and makeup and clothing while children are starving. We can't be watching television and playing computer games while wars are fought.
And me, sitting in a puddle of self-pity and self-loathing and guilt, such completely unproductive, pointless feelings, instead of doing anything good for the world. I'm the worst of all.