You were sunshine to me
but I was december
and you saved your warmest days for
your july, ton juillet, your juliet.
December was never meant to be cold,
seasons are determined by sunshine
and you hide behind clouds or you bring
nighttime early.
Among the stars I am directionless,
it is only under your glow that I know I am at home. and still. you are
cold, bright and millions of miles away
Without you there is rain,
rain and rain and rain and rain.
I've always liked rain
but when it rains for days and days
I can't stand it.
Then when I least expect it
You dazzle me in rainbow colours,
reflections of my tears that you brought to life.
Once I counted all seven colours
in your eyes alone
You made me feel like I could paint the world radiant
in shades you brought me,
because you were a colour no one could duplicate
but I thought maybe you would permit me to use your delicate shades.
And I would blend up the rainbow
back to the sunshine I remembered.
I almost remembered what sunshine felt like, again.
You were my boy made of sunshine and rainbows,
neither of which can be held.
I just got sunburnt
and fell right through that rainbow.
You were my light; but light is elusive.
Maybe I would be better off with raindrops
because at least I can be sure they are really there
Or better still I will get an elecric light,
cover it in plastic coating and pretend
that the writhing, twisting gears and wires underneath
do not exist.
And my electricity will be better than the sun ever was.
Because you will not control the switch.
My light will never leave me again.