Alexhliel: Just something i wrote... Yeah... --
From inside the car I watch the scenery pass by through the clear glass. I wonder if I am really even seeing anything. Listening to my CDs with the beats pounding in my ears, Am I truly seeing anything; will I even remember any of this?
Snapping pictures of things I see, the glass is gone, cool wind rushing past me, my hair flying free. I feel happy. My hand trembles while holding the camera and the picture is distorted.
Is that clarity? Is that what everyone sees when they look at the world as they pass by in their cars, with their music? Is that what is meant to be seen?
All the way back into our small place I think of nothing and consume myself with mundane things to pass the time. Suddenly I feel tired, so tired its hard to hold my head up.
Going in my room and lying down with the lights off and the fan going I am struck with the most odd thought. Will I wake up from this sleep? Without even realizing it I am overcome by tears. Will I remember anything when I am dead? Will there be anyone I know in my next life, will I be alone?
Such obscene thoughts pass through my mind and my tears soak through the thin fabric of the pillow case. Is this what my life will amount to; just meaningless thought and images as I pass by?
I find myself wishing for once to do more then just look at the world. I want to immerse myself in it. To be part of the scenery, something that others watch and want to remember. To be something more then I am. Even if it only means one smile more; one happy face for a fleeting moment. Never finding love or happiness for myself doesn't bother me as long as my precious people are in my heart; that is the scenery I want to capture with my camera and with my eyes.
Alexhliel: What did you all think? What were your conclusions on this? Thoughts and feedback on this would be appreciated.