A/N: Recently updated!! This is not intended to be poetry. I thought the book was amazing. If you haven't read it, I strongly recommend it for all ages. Basically I'm 'recapping' and 'evaluating' all my ex-boyfriends, current flings, mistakes, etc. It's something different and fresh. This is as real as it gets. My relationships are as follows.


Tyler Squire (7th grade) – Tyler was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, the first boy to hold my hand. I'm still wondering where I got the balls to ask him out in the first place. You couldn't tell it now, but I was extremely shy and kept to myself. Sounds cute huh? Not. We lasted a whole five days. We broke up after his mom flipped out on me over the phone for calling too much. My bad.

The remainder of 7th and 8th grade he pulled that I like you when no ones not around crap but when it was just me and him, he turned back into the Tyler I was giddy for. (This seems to be a reoccurring thing as time goes on.) Mistake #1 was calling his mom a bitch. I wonder what would've happened if I didn't? Not like it matters now. We've just graduated high school and his girlfriend is eight months prego. Congratulations? You're a dad!

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Ryan Carder (summer before 8th grade) – Ryan was the first 'real' boyfriend. The way we met, in my eyes, was one of those you hear in fairy tale stories.

To try and make this as short as possible.. I was staying with my best friend Talisa (at the time) and she was dating Nick (you'll see him in 'Life in Progress'). That night Nick and Talisa were talking on the phone. She mentioned I was over. He mentioned coincidently Ryan was staying with him. Do you feel the hook up coming?

After 7 hours of four way calling, we all planned to meet at the Street Fair the next day. I liked Ryan. He liked me. –One month later– I was completely in love with Ryan. I was devastated when I heard he was moving away because his step dad hit him. And not just 20 or 30 minutes away.. 3 hours away.. Which turned out to be out of state. I was heartbroken for months. Deep down there was still an ounce of hope that one day Ryan would come back and we'd be together again. Be careful what you wish for. This jumps into a whole new story.

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Brandon Fortney (middle 8th grade) – I'd known Brandon for awhile now. We went to church together. I consider him my second 'real' boyfriend and my longest relationship so far. I'm not sure why we broke up now. All I remember is being at church (sometime around our 2 month anniversary) and he just broke up with me. No reason, just felt like it. I cried hysterically in the bathroom. And I was over it.

Brandon pops in my life every now and than, messages me on MySpace and asks how im doing. He's engaged and in the army now or something.

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Cody Thomas (end 8th grade) – Cody in general is mistake #2. He smoked weed. He drank. He was a trouble maker. Everything listed under 'not my type'. Not to mention I ruined a great friendship because he dumped one of my best friends to date me. We dated for around 2 months and I'm not sure who broke up with whom. (This two month thing turns into a two week thing that seems to forever be my doom.)

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In between crushing on Tom, Casey, and Kevin, I slowly (seriously… slowly) grew into feminism.

Note: Tom Frye. Big player. He'd make out with me but he wouldn't date me. He knew he was hott shit.

Note: Casey Moran: Girlfriend.

Note: Kevin Wachtel. This one suffers from 'I don't know what I want' disease and coincidently, of course, like one of my best friends.

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Nick Chapman (Freshman-Sophomore year) – Portions of this are taken from 'Life in Progress'. Nick and I we're together for three years off and on. We started liking each other toward the end of my eighth grade year while he was dating my best friend Talisa. Remember her? He told me if I moved to Loudonville we'd be together… So I did.

Mistake #3. Never plan yourself around someone else. Moving to Loudonville was probably my worst mistake yet. Sure, we dated. But the outcome almost wasn't worth it. Actually, there's no almost, it wasn't.

We we're together one year (officially). Everyone warned me. 'He'll cheat on you just like he did with everyone else'. Funny, because every girlfriend he's cheated on was with me. But they were right. On our 2 month anniversary, coincidently Valentines Day, he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend (my ex-best friend now) who was determined to get me back.

I'm a firm believer in second chances and everything seemed magical for the next few months until... Don't jump to conclusions. He didn't cheat on me again (as far as I know). I slapped him across the face and broke up with him before he had the chance. Shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice. Shame on me, I guess. A three week break was long enough to break my heart. And I can still hear his mom. 'Violence isn't the answer. I don't want my son in an abusive relationship'. We spent the next few months on the down-low until his mom decided to give him an ultimatum. Surprisingly, he chose me. I'm not sure what he said to change her mind but she decided to have a 'chat' with us to lay out the rules if we wanted to be together. The last three months of the relationship were filled with constant arguing; I'm not even sure what we argued about now. To say the least, I woke up on December 16, 2005 (two days after our one year anniversary, that he didn't even remember) to find my book bag at the front door and no ride to school.

He made my life a living hell after that. He hacked into my MySpace, my instant messenger, my email, my old Fictionpress account, and who knows what else. He'd pass me on the street, roll down his windows, and bark at me, humiliating me in front of everyone. He spread horrible rumors about me. He wouldn't give my stuff back. I was fed up. But of course, I took him back. After seven months of not talking, he decided to pull up and catch up on old times. We lasted a month or so before the girl he's with now decided to jump in the picture. She thinks he's perfect and he'd never hurt her. Too bad he was with me last night. (JOKE. I added that for effect.)

Anyways. I'm finally over that whole situation. I realize now some of the things I did that drove Nick away. Constantly asking where he was, who he was with, what time he'd be home. Annoying right? Or repeatedly telling him I wanted to break up. I've learned to not make the same mistakes with future boyfriends. One positive thing that came out of it was my poetry. My broken heart did wonders for my writers block.

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The two-week curse. The bane of my existence. Ever since Nick, I can't seem to find someone that sticks around for longer than two weeks. No joke, the day before, the day of, or the day after two weeks talking, dating, whatever, I hear one of three things…

#1 'My ex-girlfriend and I are getting back together.' (That's been a fun one.)
#2 'I just don't know what I want.' (This one cracks me up. How do NOT know what you want? Get real.)
#3 'I don't want a girlfriend right now.' (Should've told me that two weeks ago asshole.)

Boys that fall under the two-week curse category:

Brock Vanhorn. Excuse #3... Douche.
Billy Jackson. Excuse #3… Douche.
Jarrod Strine. Excuse #2… We're still pretty good friends.
Dylan Kingan. Excuse #2 and #3… Douche.
Cody Morehead. Excuse #1 #2 and #3… I couldn't stay mad at this kid. He's got to be one of the most sincere guys I've ever met.
Dakota Loretta. Excuse #1 #2 and #3… Douche.
Jordan Martin. Excuse #3… Not to mention he said he loved me the 1st day we started dating… Douche.

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Nick Martin (middle 12th grade)– Congratulations! You broke the two-week curse. Bob tell him what he's won! You've won an all expense paid vacation to... Nowhere. You suck.

Good god. Its been 2 years since I've had an actual boyfriend. Nick had his positives and negatives. He wasn't the really affectionate type. He never said sweet things or called me a cute name. He didn't believe in any public display of affection, maybe a hug if I was lucky. He wasn't into Valentines Day or dances. But… He still had his personality. He was always in a good mood. He always called me. He always wanted to hangout if he could. We seemed like a truly perfectly balanced couple. I really thought we'd last a long time. Too bad he didn't feel the same.

He combined excuses #2 and #3 on top of breaking up with me the day my best friend died. Yet he still calls me every night. He still wants to hangout. He still tells me he likes me and he still cares and he wishes he had me back. But he doesn't want a girlfriend?

Sorry Nick. Game over. You lose.

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After a couple months, I was back on the market and I decided to try the player scene. If every guy could play me, it couldn't be that hard. I was workin' it. I had 5 or 6 guys calling me up, wanting to hangout. A few of them really started to like me but I told myself I just dont want a boyfriend right now. Sounds familiar.

Boys that we're charmed by my player status:

Jake Hedrick. Red Hair. Yikes.

Todd Chance. Coincidently good friends with Jake. Me and a couple friends met them one night at the bowling alley. I actually liked Todd but he ended up playing me. Excuses #2 and #3.

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Freeman Nixon. Definition: absolute god given perfection to mankind.

May 9, 2008-I met Freeman at the local hot spot, the bowling alley. He was bowling with a friend of mine and I had to make it known he was HOTT! Unfortunately he had a girlfriend. (Like thats going to stop me.) After she left, I popped over to their lane a few times, watched from afar, trying to make myself noticable but not desperate, you know? I saw him watching me too.

Freeman took it upon himself to get my number from his friends phone and text me later that night. We talked every day after that. It all seems so fast now.

The next week, I showed up to Freeman's baseball game, where he ironicly bombed the record tieing homerun for his school his first at bat. Afterwards he even gave me his homerun ball. (I was hooked.) Later we went to Bdubbs where we harmlessly flirted. The next night we planned to go to the movies where we shared our first kiss. I later found out he broke up with his girlfriend before our date because he wanted to kiss me so bad the night before. Cute right? I know!

May 22, 2008 we officially started dating and I was by far the happiest girl alive. Now im not so sure it was real. We spent almost everyday together and when we weren't together I felt like I was dying. We never fought. We always had fun. He constantly reminded me how much he missed me, even if he just left. And how he never wanted to lose me.

RED FLAG. Next time I hear this line, I'm running.

We broke up the day before our one month anniversary. His excuse was 'we moved too fast'. And of course, I was left crying myself to sleep at night, barely eating, and constantly being reminded of him. Im still not sure what happened. It seems like it happened overnight, which basically it did. He started acting weird, barely talking to me, not saying I love you back. To top it off, I found him at Walmart late at night with two other girls. He claimed they were just friends. Now I know that one of them he likes. I'm not that stupid.

We still talk. And it kills me. I finally got up the nerve to tell him how I can't eat, I can't sleep, and how it feels like I got hit by a train everytime I think about him. Not the reaction I would've hoped for from him but not the worst either.

I'm somewhere between trying to get him back and trying not to let myself down at the same time.

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Which brings me to now... Any words of advice?