I don't know what I feel

I'm trying to describe

Try to describe how I feel to you

I can't seem to find the right words

They just won't come

Probably because I don't understand myself

What's happening?

What am I feeling?

I feel so strange

Everything I feel is contradiction

I have waited all my life for some one like you

Waited for some one to say those things to me

To prize me above all women

To cherish me

To want me

To love me

But now

Now that I have it

I can't seem to except it

I don't love you

Not the way you love me

Yes, in my own way I love you

I would die for you

But some how it's different

Not quite friendship

But not love

Not romantic love

I really can't understand it

At first I thought you were lying

I couldn't trust you

I felt bad but I told you

Nothing can ever begin to happen without trust

You understood

You were a friend

Always present

Trust came

I didn't think you were trying to destroy me

Not anymore

I believed in you

In your cause

I believed it when you said you would miss me

I knew I would miss you

I believed it when you said I made you happy

You made me happy

I believed it when you said nothing would change the way you felt

But I knew that you might find someone better

Part of me wished you would

Someone who would deserve your love

I know I don't

All the time I think

Why me?

What good deed did I do to deserve such love?

Such admiration?

I don't deserve it at all

I'm just a foolish girl

Yes I have dreams

Plans

Hopes

I think for myself

But still

You?

I'm afraid

To tell the truth

I am scared to death

I don't want to hurt you

I know if I were to go with you

I know it would happen

You seem to worship me

I am not a goddess

I would let you down

I would try not to

But I am only human

Maybe I'd get tired of being worshipped

Maybe I would meet someone else

Maybe

Some many maybe's

I'm just afraid

I don't want to break hearts

I've seen too many

So many people's lives ruined by love gone awry

I don't want to be the girl that causes that

I don't want that

I wouldn't be able to live with that

Not him

I just am so so confused

I don't know what is right

I don't want to leave him waiting for me

Pining away as they used to say

Every way I look I see more problems

More questions then when I started

Why me?

I know it might be silly, stupid even

But to me

It feels like your heart is in my hands

I could break it so easily

But I don't want to

I would do anything not to

That's why I am staying away

I think that's why i'm not letting myself go

Am I keeping myself from loving him?

Or are we just meant to be friends?

I don't know

I just don't know

I'm so confused

All I know for sure is that I miss you

I miss you so much