I reached out for my phone on a sudden gleam of thought. I typed in the digits and put the phone up to my ear waiting for her to pick up. I hoped seeing her might end the constant pain I was in. Of course there was a chance it could make it worse, but either way I was going to do this.
"Hello?" Kathleen's voice answered. It wasn't soft or sweet. I actually couldn't find words to describe the sound of her voice. But it was the single most comforting sound I've ever heard.
"Hey Kathy. It's Alyssa," I said.
"Oh. Hey, Aly. What's up?" I stood up and with my free hand I started to play with the phone cord.
"Nothing. I as wondering if you could meet me down in the park, at the gazebo?"
"Yeah. I really need to see you."
"Okay, well, I'm actually only about a block away from the park right now. I'll see you in a few minutes."
I nodded, before remembering that she couldn't see me. "Sure. See you." I heard the small click that told me that she had hung up. I hung up as well and rushed down the stairs to slip on my tennis shoes. I ran down to the park that was only a couple minutes away.
When I reached the gazebo I was out of breath. I waited on the steps and ran – again – to meet Kathy the minute I saw her. She ran towards me and we closed the distance between us in a matter of seconds I wrapped my neck around Kathy's neck, unwilling to release her. Only that's exactly what I did a moment later.
I interlocked our fingers and guided the two of us back to the gazebo, sitting on the second step up. I took a deep breath and angled my body towards her. A heat wave coursed through my body – it happened every time I was nervous or embarrassed. Right now I was nervous and I was starting to sweat a bit.
"Look, Kathy. I…need to tell you something," I said, casting my eyes downward. She wasn't pushy about it, and the edge in her voice was concerned, not curious. I silently thanked her for that.
"What's wrong Aly?" She said, placing a hand on my back when she noticed that I was tearing up slightly.
"I…like you. As more than a friend. I know you probably don't like me that way, but I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know." I felt Kathy's hand lift up from my back slowly. I looked up at her freckled face. Her lips were always red and the brown freckles covered her entire face in contrast to her fair skin. Her hair was deep brown with red tones in it.
The expression on her face tore my heart in two. It showed shock, pity, and regret. It was the response I expected, but it didn't make it hurt any less.
"I…Aly," She stood up and looked down at me, "I'm so sorry…" she turned and left me sitting on the steps of the gazebo. I watched forlornly as she walked away from me.
Tears spilled over and down my face as my lip trembled slightly. I doubled over and balled my hands into fists, letting my nails dig into my skin. It took some of the pain away. No, it added a new pain that could distract me from the one that I was already experiencing.
I sat on the step crying until my eyes were dry. I picked myself up and pulled my iPod out of my back pocket and slipped the earphones in my ears. It was only background music to my pain. I walked back home slowly with leaded feet.
When I reached the front door I pulled it open and shut it behind me quietly. My mom was standing in front of me and when she saw my face she asked what was wrong. I barely registered her voice and walked past her, up the stairs to my room. When I reached my destination I went in and locked the door behind me before throwing myself onto the bed. I reached for something – anything – and started chucking stuff at my wall as sobs broke through my impassive façade. I curled into a ball, hugging myself and trying to make myself feel loved.
I needed a hug. Someone with arms that was secure and reassuring, or at least comforting. I shook with renewed sobs as I realized who fit the description. I needed her. I needed Kathleen.
A/N: This is based on my feelings. None of the events ever happened, but I do like/love/whatever-feeling-this-is 'Kathleen' and this is what I expect would happen if I told her that. This story is written for me to vent all the feelings and thoughts running through my head, eating me alive from the inside out. I was crying hen I wrote this. This isn't written for people to critique. So no flames, because honestly flaming a story that is written from pure emotion would really depress me.
This is a two-shot. When I post the next chapter it will basically be the happy ending. It will be what I'm hoping will happen.