"You seek for knowledge and wisdom, as I once did; and I ardently hope that the gratification of your wishes may not be a serpent to sting you, as mine has been."
Sunlight sparkled between the drawn curtains. I thought it would be a beautiful day on the day I would meet with the end of being a metamorph. The day I would decide what path I would lead.
Kingsley said not to worry, that everything would be all right. It didn't matter if I would die anymore or not. No one was who he or she was supposed to be. Not to me, that is. So many lies being spread, like viruses and smiles. I wanted to feel tears strike my cheeks as I knotted my fingers in my hair, but none came.
It was impossible to know what path I wanted to lead, when only just a few hours ago my eyes were truly opened. I found it hard to breathe as the light from the day was slowly fading. Once the sun set behind the buildings I knew it was now or never. In nine months I would be a victim to angry human parents that wished to rid the world of my kind.
Or were they my kind? I never knew which side I truly belonged in. Whether I was more human than wolf, or more wolf than human. And with my friends, enemies, and even the people that broke my heart, I found the path of which I am supposed to lead. That is, if the Rebellers don't get to me first. As my memories of the last year filled my unhappy thoughts I wanted even more to cry, for just one moment to let my pain be expelled from me. None came. I growled at myself in disappointment.
Who is to say that you're not supposed to be happy with yourself? I used to be, until I met the milk boy and was invited to a pack party. From then on I felt strange and untrue to the world.
My bones ached and my skin felt too cold as I stood there waiting for the day to fade. I wanted so much to know the answers to my questions, to find out what I truly was inside. When I did, I wished I could go back in time and have never met with this new life I craved for for so long. More problems arose as the first set was solved, and as more questions were answered, more formed in their place.
No one was supposed to help me with finding myself, but yet everyone was part of the process. From Amelia to Eve, everyone played his or her little part in who I was inside really. Now I couldn't wait to be what I wanted. Especially now that I knew I only had half a year left of being anything at all. Why not live that half year as the one thing I wished to be for so long?
And, now that my life was more complicated, might as well ease it a bit one decision. Right?
The sun finally vanished from the city as I stood there waiting for the rays of light to go. Stars were already shimmering so quickly up above, and I choked back the rest of my tears to think. To think of which path I wanted more than anything. I knew it wouldn't solve my other problems in life. But, for a bit at least, I would feel happy. Wouldn't I?
Happier than I had been in a long, long time.
As the moon eventually made its way to gleam above the rooftops, I decided which life I wanted to live. Which path I wanted to choose. Which part of my life I wanted more than the other.
I want to be happy, I thought.
youtube(dot)com/watch?vXsEbps3C4xg for the book trailer.