I wrote this back in February. I have no clue why I never posted it. So here it is!

Who doesn't love Rae abusing Emily? Haha. I actually dont. It just seems like their relationship.

If I Kissed You

"I don't love you."

It was simple statement. Rae's matter-of-fact tone echoed through Emily's empty apartment. It was a simple phrase.

Then why did it hurt so much?

"Yes you do." Emily swallowed and stated firmly. She was just inches from Rae's face.

"No I don't."

"If you're so sure," Emily grinned, "then kiss me."

Rae had a split second to realize how diabolical Emily's grin could really be when she felt her palms tingle. "No." She narrowed her golden-brown eyes.

"Why not?" Emily asked innocently. "If you're so certain then there's no harm in it."

Rae wanted to sigh or cry out in frustration. Emily was always quick with her comebacks when it came to 'them'.

Rae was certain this would go downhill.

But then why..?

Why couldn't she just shut Emily up and kiss the damn girl? Why couldn't she prove that she felt nothing when their lips met?

It was the truth.

… Wasn't it?

Rae could never be sure with Emily. Everything that had to do with the coquettish brunette was unorthodox and downright confusing. She felt as if, if she left herself kiss this hazel-eyed girl before her, then she would be faced with that unanswerable question again.

Why was everything so damn hard?

Why couldn't Rae just have a for sure answer?

Why was she so afraid of letting Emily down?

Rae could feel Emily's cold hand wrap around her wrist. The unexpected contact almost made Rae jump.

Suddenly, her eyes locked with Emily's.

Why did Emily have to be so… Emily-like? Most of the time it felt as if she was forsaking Rae for her stupid friends at that ridiculous diner. Why did Rae always feel so betrayed?

So hurt?

Was it because she harbored feelings for Emily?

Or was it simply jealousy?

But of what?

Was she jealous that Emily had friends? That they hadn't left like Rae's had?

Or… Was it because those friends… Weren't her?

Rae could feel the phantom of a headache creeping behind her. She had to stop thinking this way and pay attention to Emily. Because God knows if she doesn't, Emily will probably start to worry.

"Rae…" Emily said softly. "Why wont you just admit you like me?"

"Cause I don't." Rae tried to swallow the dry lump in her throat but just couldn't.

"Then why do you keep looking at me that way? Why do you continue to fall into every trap I lay? Why do you continue to put up the façade that you care for me?"

Rae's mind spun. She couldn't think of an answer. Not even a lie.

Did she really do that?

Somehow it felt unbelievable, but Emily's voice continued to break her train of thought.


Rae could feel a hand cup her cheek. When did that get there?

"If you're scared…"

There they go again! Why did everyone think Rae was scared? Of what?! What if she just didn't like Emily? Why was everyone so sure of the fact that she was in-love with this stupid girl?!

"Why?" Emily pleaded.

"I'm not!" Rae screamed.

"Then why won't you trust me?"

Rae curled her fingers into fists and shut her eyes tightly as she screamed, "Because everything is based on half-truths and you're just going to leave me anyway!"

The second after it was said, Rae wished she could have taken it all back.

The pain that flooded over Emily's face was too much for Rae's pathetic heart to bear.

But it was too late. She had already said it and Emily had already heard it.

And Rae was glad.

Let her feel like shit for once.

Then, suddenly, Emily's lips pressed against Rae's. All thoughts vanished and Emily could feel her own tears fall. So she kissed Rae deeper, just to keep her from hearing those words again.

Never again.

Desperation laced with a hidden sadness flowed past Emily's lips and into the kiss. She pressed harder, wanting things to be better than they were.

Rae wanted to push her off and scream some more, but she didn't.

She let Emily indulge herself in this silly fantasy; this ridiculous hope that Rae truly did love her. So, as Rae ran her hands down Emily's back and felt Emily's roam through her short hair, Rae tugged the brunette closer.

Not because she was in-love, oh no, but because she didn't want Emily to leave. She wanted to feel Emily's touch whenever she wanted it.

Whenever she needed it.

She wanted Emily with her always.

She couldn't bear the thought of her leaving.

And of course… Rae added to herself as her chest slowly started to tighten. This desperate feeling isn't love.

It couldn't be.

Kir Sirin