Chapter 1: Start Somethin' By The Cross Movement
"Hi, my name is Danger Frederick Evens. Yea, I know, it's an intense name. I'm seventeen years old and contrary to what you must be thinking, I am a girl. Call me Dani, and, yes, Danger is my real name. It's on both my birth certificate and my drivers license.
"Currently, I'm sitting with you on a bench at a bus stop in Chicago, although I'm not exactly sure where this is in Chicago, being this is my first time in this city. I'm sitting here, under an umbrella, and wondering how the hell did I wind up here, on 5th Avenue, downtown Chicago. I have an umbrella because it is snowing, snowing cats and dogs and even smaller farm animals.
"I've got a cell phone in my pocket and I'm deciding if I should call home and tell them to buy me a plane ticket, bus ticket, any ticket to get the heck out of here.
"I don't even know what I'm doing in Chicago, but I don't want to be here much longer; it's friggin cold. If I call home, sure I'll be in trouble, but I'm banking on the fact that they will be so relieved to know that I'm alive and that I called them for help that they won't punish me too severely.
"'They' are my dad, Jacob Evens, and my step-mom, Hayley Evens. They're kind of stiffs, so by 'not punishing me too severely' I mean not burn me at a stake.
"But of course, if I call them, I have to tell them where I am, and why I'm in Chicago (Don't ask me. How the hell would I know?). Telling them I'm in Chicago, Illinois, 2029.77 miles from home (as the crow flies or the Mapquest people, the guys who figure out that kind of stuff, drives) will go over like a ton of lead bricks.
"Haha, what's heavier? A ton of feathers or a ton of lead bricks? The bricks of course, duh! That joke always cracks me up.
"Sorry, got distracted. It happens.
"As for telling them why I'm in Chicago, well, heh, that's just asking to be flayed alive. Don't get me wrong, my Dad and Mom (Step-Mom) love me like I was their child. Ironic, huh? Ironic is my favorite word.
"The reason I'm in Chicago is I was actually heading to Florida, but I didn't have enough money for a plane ticket there so I got the farthest plane ticket I could afford, which happened to be Chicago.
"I didn't stop to think about what was going to happen when I got here, I guess I just thought that maybe I would accidently save the life of a billionaire and he would rain cash down upon me, or at least pay for the rest of my trip to Florida. Unfortunately, for me, Chicago seems to be a bit short on the life-challenged billionaires.
"My dad would be pissed at me for going to Florida, he would say 'I thought you were over this nonsense!' and Mom would just be quietly hurt. She's really quite unassuming, it's kind of annoying, not like she didn't raise me from the time I was born. The way she acts sometimes, you would think we just met, but no, she's been around since my birth, she just wasn't there for my conception.
"I think Mom's quiet hurt would be worse than my Dad's stiff-necked anger, Mom puts on excellent guilt trips; it's her talent.
"She makes me feel so guilty for the most ridiculous of things, like the time I spent a weekend at Cindy's cabin without telling my parents, Jeez Louise, you would have thought the world ended. She quite literally had a cow, crying all over the place, talking about how I didn't care about her, blah bla-blah blah blah. She made me feel lower then dirt, like I said, guilt trips are her thing.
"Anyways, now you're probably wondering why I'm going to Florida, well, that's because my real mom—"
"I wasn't," the bum (who I have decided to call Joe) pipes up.
This throws me for a loop, seeing as how I have no idea what Joe is talking about. He wasn't what? What does that even mean?!
Joe the bum is tallish, with spiked black hair and grey eyes. He's looking at me like he wants to shank me for stealing his bed (AKA a bench)
"You weren't what?" I ask, totally confused, maybe Joe was on drugs.
Oh, dear, he probably was. That was probably why he was a bum in first place, because he was addicted to speed! That was so sad, I needed to remember that not everybody had as great a life as me. Maybe he ran away from home, too, because his parents couldn't handle his growing speed addiction. Oh, poor Joe!
"I wasn't wondering why you were going to Florida. In fact, I don't care that you're sitting on a bench in Chicago, I don't care what your parents are like, and I sure as hell don't want your whole life story! This isn't the movie Forrest Gump, so could you just stop talking to me?! And it's not even snowing! It's the middle of May!" Joe cries throwing his arms in the air.
Oh, god, he's a tweaker! And he had delusions of being in the movie Forrest Gump.
"Well Jeez Louise, Joe, you don't have to be so mean about it. I guess that's what I get for trying to be polite and just make conversation with some old bum on the street." Bums these days; they have no manners.
"I'm not a bum!" Joe exclaims, "I'm waiting for a bus home because I got off late from school, and this outfit is Abercrombie, I don't even look like a bum!"
He's so prissy.
"Good thing, because you won't last long on the streets with that attitude." I helpfully pointed out to him.
Luckily for him, the bus pulled up before he could dig himself into a deeper hole. No doubt embarrassed by his bizarre tweaker-like behavior, Joe jumps up from the bench and hops on the bus.
I sit there for ten more minutes, just staring at nothing. before my cell phone rings, the theme music for Darth Vader off of Star Wars, you know, da da da da-da-da-d-da-duh-daaaaa ba ba ba ba-ba-ba-b-ba-buh-baaaaa.
It's Mom, or Hayley, I love her to death, but the woman will not leave me alone, just chat chat chat all the time, I think it's something that's genetically wrong with her. Like she has a disease that makes her not be able to stop talking, I'm so glad we're not related, genetically at least.
"Danger Evens!" See, told you it was my real name, "When are you planning on coming home? You're still grounded for that stunt you pulled with the car and school got out two hours ago!"
See what I mean, guilt trip and chattiness, she a Chatty Cathy, and a Negative Nancy, as they said in the 70's or whenever that was, a real downer.
"Sorry Mom, I got distracted and missed the bus, I'm gonna have to wait for the next one." I actually really live in Chicago, and I've never run away from home.
My motto is 'for everything there is a season, for all things there is time.' or something like that. It's in the Bible so it can't be wrong.
My name is Danger Frederick Evens, I'm a compulsive liar.
It's really not snowing, but curse Joe the prissy bum, it is very cold out.
This story thing is part of an asignment for english where we have to write a chapter book with a real plot...I'm touching it up because to be honest I didn't see the need to put forth my best efforts in english but oh well...so um..tell me what you think...