I fucking hate him! I want only to tear his eyes out! I want to maul him! To tear off his fingernails! To cut off his dick! I want to mutilate him so horribly, that no one would ever look at him and feel the same way I did.
Never have I thought such violent thoughts. Never have I hated anybody as much as I hate him. And the hardest thing about this situation is that I actually... loved him...
I tear apart the photo of his grinning face, feeling disgusted. If he were here right now, he'd have been dead five minutes ago. I would've torn him to pieces. It scares me how much I hate him, how intense my fury is.
I feel slightly frightened by it, my hands trembling as I struggled to tear the photo pieces into even smaller pieces, until you couldn't even see bits of his face anymore. Even though I want to destroy the real thing, I have to be satisfied with this stupid photo.
How dare he cheat on me!? How dare he leave me like that!? He used me and left for someone 'better'!
...I swear I'm gonna kill that bastard. I'm gonna fucking murder him! I swear to God!
I could hardly stand to breathe thinking about what he did to me! I scream, clawing at everything in sight as the rage possessed me.
It was like everything he said to me meant nothing. I was sickened by myself.
Deep down inside... I wish I was like the man he left me for. I wish I could live up to his standards?
I wish you hadn't fucked me, Kise.
I'm sorry you did...
And then I fall asleep, letting rest placate my anger. Letting dreams carress my wounds.
Letting memories cut my soul.