still alone, i watch the footprints in the mud harden, i don't want you fossilized
in my bloodstream. and my heart still skips when
i see your newly-emaciated cheekbones, and your exploded lips.
(the revolution i embraced panics me- turns me from creator to observer.)
you! an unwilling lover, the way your nails imitated paper cuts
and my calves held me to you. i realize i fake loving.
i can't take the spin, the dizzy down
orgasms of remembered faces when i'm in bed
shaking from the aftershocks of every bruise you didn't label me with.
note: this is the first thing i've written in months. i don't know who or what it's about, and i now i can't stop crying. i think i stopped to save myself, but the ideas wont lie forgotten. sorry if it's crap, i'm way more than a little rusty.