like a fish in the sea, a romance fiction

like a fish in the sea.

If I lay here,
If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

"That would be…" I don't know how to finish my murmured sentence.

The cords of my earphones run from where the buds lay beside my left ear down under the covers, plugged into the iPod that rests on my stomach, where my thumb twitches to change the song to another one that doesn't fit so perfectly.

The volume is cranked up to its maximum, drowning out the world around me. But it's not loud enough to stop my mind from trying to make some sense of my emotions.

I knew him. I talked to him every day. I was jealous of his girlfriend, but that didn't make sense; I didn't want to be in her position. I wouldn't be able to stand it. He annoys me. He's immature. He can't listen to a story. He doesn't support people in what they do. He doesn't judge people. He lives freely. He doesn't care what other people think.

I love him. Wait, what? I hate him. How can I love him, too?

I sigh and flop onto my side, changing the song again. Uncle Cracker.

He's my friend, I'll admit that… But I don't like him that way. It's impossible.

He's my friend, but it sort of feels like there's something more there. To me, at least. What I felt wasn't enough to build a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship on… like the one he had now. The one I was so impossibly jealous of.

I want to be his best friend. I want to be the one he tells everything to. I want to be the one he trusts. The only one he trusts.

I know that there's a spark between us. Other people see it, too. I want the spark to be brighter, but not hot enough to start a fire.

I want him all to myself, but I don't want anything more than that.

I want him to know that he could sing Uncle Cracker's lines about me, and it would be true.

All you know is when I'm with you,
I make you free.
And swim through your veins
Like a fish in the sea.