-Swollen-

Where, usually, I am swollen with wonder and awe and amazement within/
the boundaries that define and keep me internally/ I am swarming with
hornets and bees, warming and heating my need, and my doubt and my fear
and my uneasiness of what might, what might have been/ if I'd only
been harder on myself and kept restrained, if I'd danced rather than
ran when down came the rain, if I'd only seen/ what's been coming
right straight for the small but weakening crack in my denial/ what's
been trying to get through to me for quite an ignorant while/ TO LET
ME KNOW, THAT IT'S TIME TO LET GO, TO MAKE SURE I DESERVE IT WHEN BEING
ALONE/ because I don't just hold on when I embrace/ I cling, I latch
onto, I keep and detain/ I retain and relinquishing is refused/ I
confine; never allowing my victim to move/ and on top of all else, I
smother, never permitting myself to recover/ Where, usually, I am
swollen with love and curiosity/ I have collapsed into stacked ecstasy
falling/ Where, usually, I am staying sane/ I am running towards
crazy, all the way/ THE TIME HAS ARRIVED FOR FEIGNED FINE/ TO BECOME
UNKNOWN, RATIONALITY'S DYING/ MY CALLING HAS COME, TO STOP DENYING/
THAT I'M IMMERSED IN SELF-LYING/ Where, usually, I can tell exactly
what's going on/ my assurance of self and you has left and gone/
replaced with the place of doubt of you/ and not knowing what is
wanted and true/ Tell me, please spare me, ambiguity/ decide, compose,
your decision's wanting/ don't be an enigma dancing before me/
taunting me, teasing, just out of reach/

Copyright 2000 by Susanne Estelle Hendrickson