all I seemed to get from you, was a life of false beliefs
and crying on the hilltops, tears ran under sheets
all you seemed to say, was just what I yearned to hear
too perfect to be real enough, yet real enough to fear
because when I had to realize, your words were never true
the only thing that I had left, was to turn away from you

but I didn't mean to make you cold, i'd expected you to follow
to beg and plead, to say you're sorry, not to become hollow
it came to me, some time ago, just what i've done wrong
I try to recover, but the road if not endless, is infinately long
i'll list to you next, all my mistakes, all the faults i've made
they were the reason, for all unhappiness, I feel they spawned the hate

it was wrong to speak to you, wrong to care
wrong to trust, you'd always be there
wrong to stay, when you brought out your knife
wrong to let you, cut up my life
wrong to bleed, stain your wood floor
wrong not to leave, to stay there for more

it was wrong to believe, wrong to hold faith
wrong to give so much, let it go to waste
wrong from the begining, I think you saw it coming
and I still love you, through all of this, honey
you should have told me, I should have been warned
but what to do, when it's already so torn?

and now i'm left here hurt, just trying not to care
it isn't working well this time, you killed me over there
it's hard to heal. from fatal wounds, and walk without battle scars
it's hard to wander in empty tombs, but i'm blocked by bars
cut my way out, hunt you down, bleed my knife into you
let you lay there and scream, beat you untill you're black and blue

i'm sorry I had to destroy a thing I loved from the begining
a thing I love all the same at the end, you're winning
the power is in your hands, and I am at your feet
and i'd tell you i'd do almost anything, but all I can do is weep
it stings to see you, the reminder burns, to know things can't be changed
I can't go back in time, undo what's so deranged

so i'll sit here, with my misery, and think of times I long to forget
the memory pains, but I have to go on, learn to face regrets
I cannot fix it, or repair, it will forever remain broken
this is not a dream, I won't awake, and all my ideas are stolen
the cut goes deep, and I poke at the scab, now the wound just festers
and they laugh at me, the king and queen, you SHOULD laugh at a jester
- suzy hendrickson - 5/19/98