-Apathy or Bust-

it's now apathy or bust
unravel or unwind
and those who introduced us
were dumb enough to be blind
I've been cursed with disillusion
in loss of hope I've rotted away
and I've come to the decision
that giving up is here to stay
you're just a burden dragging with me
a heavy load I carry along
I finally see, miraculously
to hold this baggage has been wrong
the love-handles must be gone
well then why the fuck do away I run?
I've no idea, it just never dawned
that I have not started what I say has begun
this tedium wears me down
I stare out with world-weary eyes
of all the girls, you haven't found
the one who remains by your side
I just HAD to bewitch you at first
but the spell came back threefold
then why oh why can't I undo this curse
and never see you but never hold
I do not ask for hours or days
not weeks or months or even years
just for seconds of your praise
only a moment to feel you near (hear your tears)
but unobtainable, so I'm unobtrusive
or, rather, I try and fail, every day
(laugh) -this relationship is unabusive
or at least until we both have had our say
this is not anger towards you as it may seem to be
this is anger towards her, for being better than me
when it used to be, I did not understand
but away from that person, I sprinted, I ran
and for a brief second, my eyes seemed to smile
but now I know, NOT "no more girls for a while"
know that hoping and praying that you'll once more be near
and the secrets of my wishes I've silently screamed clear
are useless, forever, only to me
as we will be severed, eventually
troubled emotions, for even more troubled times
again her he ravels, but then she unwinds
you're just a fetish, another ax to grind
then hopefully, leave you in dust, and not look behind
a crush molded over, to be crushed again
I'd like to crush you to pieces, to get you to bend
and I tried and I tried and I tried and I tried
but the mountain's too steep, the ocean's too wide
now I just hum along, way out of tune
and I feel it advancing, foreshadowing my doom
I used to be free, but still under your spell
the same as you, and your Jezebel
and I can only wish, you will soon be omitted
she has too many problems and can finally admit it
I used to be happy in an unaware world
but now a monster has grown from that girl
and there are ups and downs is returning, to what I used to be
I'd row row my boat, so merrily
never knowing or caring what's beneath the water
I used to be virgin, a good little daughter
but I have molded myself ever since
lest I lose my cherished prince

Copyright 1999 by Susanne Estelle Hendrickson