Applesauce!

I once had a friend named Louis Jones. We were mail carriers for the largest law firm east of the Mississippi— Larger than anywhere out west, too. Anyways, he was the biggest bookworm I ever did see.

"Someday," he told me, "you'll be delivering my mail."

I took a look at one of his textbooks and whooee! Looked like a load of bunk to me. "Louie," I said, "I think it's time I set you up with a dame."

He glared at me. "I don't go on blind dates," he said.

"Baloney!" I grinned at him, and he rolled his eyes. "I've got the perfect little flapper in mind for you."

"I won't go, Danny. I've got a test coming up."

"We'll see," I said.

The next weekend, me and Louie borrowed our neighbor's jalopy and headed to pick up the girls. Louie kept fiddling with his jacket.

"You all right?" I asked.

"Yeah, everything's jake." He pulled at his collar.

"Stop that," I said. "You look real spiffy, alright?" He shrugged. I pulled up in front of a brick apartment building. "Wait here while I go get the girls."

I knocked and Julie Parker answered the door. I had to whistle. She was the cat's meow! "You sure are looking swell tonight, Miss Parker," I said.

She hit me on the chest lightly. "Oh, stop it, you cake. I'd appreciate your sentiment more if I didn't know your reputation already."

"Balloon soup, sweetheart. You've always been my favorite."

"That may be, but you're a lounge lizard through and through." I grinned. "I shouldn't let Penny tag along. Knowing your type of friend, you'll drag the poor girl into your evil ways."

"You worry too much, sugar. Where is the girl?"

"I'm right here." I looked over Julie's shoulder at the petite blonde standing behind her. She giggled. "Julie wanted me to give you boys the run-around, but I do believe that would cause your Mister Jones some anguish."

"True, true. I'm glad you agreed, though. He's quite the flat tire when he gets into his studying." I led the girls to the car. "Presenting Louie Jones, ladies!"

Louie had been leaning against the car door and straightened when he saw the girls. He gulped and blushed. "Evening," he choked out.

Penny giggled. "Don't be nervous. It's not every night a girl gets gussied up and taken out on the town by two fine young gentlemen such as yourselves."

Julie laughed. "Especially since any guy who's dated you will say that a man'd have to be crackers to go on a second date." Penny glared. Julie turned to me. "Danny, you'd better not be thinking of taking us out in that old heap!"

"And what would you suggest, baby?"

"Penny's breezer. Got it from her uncle last week. It's real keen."

"And how!" Penny said excitedly.

"Well, who am I to deny two fine ladies a ride in their ritzy new car?" The girls squealed, and soon we were speeding down the main drag, wind in our faces, not a care in the world. Julie and I were up front, and Louie was in back with Penny.

"So where are you taking us?" Julie asked.

"There's a speakeasy downtown. Jim Tailor's place."

"Didn't he just get pinched for having hooch in his basement?"

"It was a bum rap," I said. I turned a corner. "Couple of badges didn't like him so they planted it there."

"He was framed?"

"Sure was. Tonight's his way of throwing it in their face."

"Shouldn't he lay low after what happened?"

"Don't be an alarm clock. After that embarrassment, the police won't touch him for a while."

In the back seat, Louie and Penny were talking quietly. "You look really nice, Penny," Louie said.

"Oh, applesauce," Penny giggled. "I just threw on a new dress and tossed my hair up."

"Well it looks nice all the same."

"You're all wet," she said.

Soon, I stopped the car outside Jim's. I could hear the brawl from the street. I went over and opened the door for the girls. "After you," I said.

The party was a real whoopee. The band in the corner blasted a fast tune and the partiers were in the middle of the floor, dancing the night away. Julie'd already managed to snag herself some giggle water.

"Shoot!" she said after her first sip. "This is the real McCoy!"

"Only the best for a sweet thing like you," I said.

Penny grabbed Louie and tugged him towards the dance floor. "C'mon, let's dance."

"S-sure," Louie stuttered.

"So," I said when the two were out of hearing range, "how do you think Penny likes him?"

"Oh, she thinks he's the bee's knees," Julie replied. "And I'll be darned if your boy doesn't have a bit of a crush on her."

"So how about you and me? I know you've been carrying a torch for me for at least a year. How about a little kiss?"

"Sorry, Danny. The bank's closed tonight. And every night. I wouldn't kiss you if you were the last drugstore cowboy in town."

"Aw, you don't mean that, Jules!"

"Sure I do. You give me the heebie-jeebies!"

Suddenly, Jim ran into the room yelling, "Everybody scram! I've been double-crossed!"

There was a mad rush for the door. I grabbed Julie's hand and half-dragged her behind me. Louie and Penny were already in the car.

"What happened?" Penny asked. Her hair was a little disheveled.

"Badges," Julie told her. I started the car and sped out of there. Once the shock wore off, I started to laugh. Julie joined in. "So you two were necking out here while we were on the lam?" Louie and Penny blushed. Julie turned to me. "So where to next, Danny?"

"Wherever the road leads us, doll."

A/N- English extra credit assignment. I got the full 20 points. XD!! We had to write a short story using 40+ 1920's slang terms. WAY too much fun to write. Most of the slang is easy to figure out, but if you have trouble you can easily Google "1920's slang"...that's what I did. R&R!