Sometimes I get sick
Chewing on the dirty end of these cigarettes
That little worldly mini-mart sold me
Or the beer and coffee that one lady was giving out for free
My stomach tries to swallow
But instead it's contracting
Pushing all that sticky fluid up my tubes
Through my teeth until they're stung and dirty
Some people claim it's detox
But I know
Tomorrow I will be sipping my acid cup
Dipping my fingers into the liquor
Pushing them far past my lips
As if trying to choke on all this apathy
Towards anything other than me

And I'll dance and I'll sing
But the beauty just won't be there
My feet will blister easier and my body will sweat
As I move to my vocals that are way too off key
Moving through an empty crowd of people
I can feel them but they're gone from sight
Or perhaps it's the opposite
But bodies are just tissue and I'm a child at Christmas
Tearing through their skins
What's in it for me tonight

But
This time is different
I feel it
Bunching up underneath my shirt
Slightly covered by my skirt
As my insides rumbling and tumble from my mouth
My fingers crawling south until they're cradling
That womb place some call a temple
When others scorn it as the place slavery is born
And I understand
When there's a leech within
And a hate just waiting outside
For the baby to wrap it's tiny fingers around
There's no way out
Just likes there's no way in

But like I said
This is different
My morning sickness drains
Emptying all my body for what it was
A vessel of something darker than just sin
It's ignorance
Hypocrisy and all the hateful things my tongue tries to cut down
Yet it's just a dull blade

Tonight I wretch
Shaking and shivering from being too far gone
From my choice of drink and drug
Sapped by all the sadness that vibrates
Flowing from the child through my heart and carried
To all the distance places that are me
Because this babe can see

The children dressed a little too warm
Waiting for mom to come home tonight
Not sure if it's happening so they sing to forget they're
Oh so hungry

There's a woman who fell down the stairs
While her eyes penetrate another world
Too much alcohol in her system
Too much hate
So she grasps her arms in a struggle with herself
Carving her proclamation in blood for all the world to see

Guns are going off
Two men die
But they're not so different
One has a wife and three kids
The other would be married this spring
But they're both cold now
On the same red soaked battlefield

A boy is raped
A girl is blinded
A job is lost
And rent is two months behind

The children tease
A man is left alone in motel sheets
A mother left dead under them
While two girls sing a song of supremacy

The world is swirling with ones like these
Stories and faces blurred
By radio and TV
Politics and all the newest things
That we can't live without

And it makes me want to cry
But inside I feel a kick
Towards a new adoration
Of life but more-
Of living
Breathing and watching the trees change
People rearranging furniture and finding what is favorite
The happy things that are real beauty
Fulfilling no matter how empty we claim them to be
And this time I finally see

It is my design to carry love inside of me