It's hard when you know you're just going to make the same mistake over and over again…

Ditched

Chapter Eight:

I shifted around uncomfortably in my bed, afraid to face what was coming next. I slowly opened my right eye-head throbbing-and glanced at the scenery around me. I began to panic-white walls, green cabinets; blue curtains-nothing looked familiar. Where was I? What happened to my friends? What time was it? Did I even know what day it was? All of these questions filled me with turmoil, wishing I could somehow find the courage to thrust out of this strange bed and get the heck out of this strange place-but for some reason I could not. Maybe it was because I was afraid of the consequences, or because I had absolutely no place to go-or maybe it was because I felt physically and mentally horrible. "Yeah," I reassured myself, "That's definitely it."

I placed my hands on my aching stomach, "Did I always feel this horrendous after dances?" I sighed, that was one question I didn't want to answer. I didn't want anything to do with the annual Bridgedale dance, or any of people there-for that matter.

I sat back in my bed and groaned; I was so unbelievingly bored. Spotting some magazines at the edge of my bed, I reached out my left hand to grab them-and that's when I saw it. I pulled back my hand and examined the foreign plastic bracelet that was wrapped around it. I slowly read it aloud, "Patient: Cassie, Illness: Stomach Flu, Date & Time of Check-in: March 2nd, 10:30 pm by Tyler Johnson."

I slowly released my hand from the bracelet, and scooted further on the bed. "This has to be a dream," I told myself, "There's no way that this could possibly be real. I would never tell Alex my feelings for him-I would never faint at a school dance and have my ex-boyfriend save my life. None of this would happen in a million years, this is a dream Cassie-or you've gone completely insane…"

I quickly shook my head, trying to regain focus-this was no time to think about the past, I had to focus on the present-I had to focus on what was happening right now-I had to find a way out of this place somehow, I just had to.

I sighed and lied back down-my feelings going about a mile a minute. I didn't know what to feel. Should I feel sad because I was alone? Should I feel neglected because none of my friends had bothered to visit me at all? Should I feel afraid because I was in some strange hospital surrounded by nothing but empty beds? My eyes began to sting, there's no feeling worse than abandonment; at least-that's what I thought back then…

Oh why didn't I see this coming?

It must've been hours until I finally heard a sign of another human being. I folded my hands, praying that the footsteps were headed towards my room. The footsteps were getting closer and closer, until all of a sudden, they stopped. I was about to sink back into my bed when I noticed the shiny doorbell began to turn. I sat up, looks like my prayers had been answered, at least-that's what I hoped.

I could hear the being's footsteps coming closer and closer to me. Filled with fear, I slowly got under the covers-shielding myself from the unfamiliar atmosphere-unsure of whether or not this person was here to help or hurt me. I got my answer soon enough.

"Cassie?" the being spoke, feeling slightly better at the familiarity of my name; I slowly came out from under the covers.

I should've stayed back in; cause there he stood-right in front of me.

"Tyler?" I replied weakly. I gripped my left hand and began pinching it lightly-there was no way any of this was happening to me.

Tyler smiled gently before joining me on the hospital bed.

"You okay Cassie?" Tyler asked, looking deeply concerned.

"Yeah," I responded, slowly inching further and further away from him, now was really not the time for my mind to play tricks on me.

"That's good," Tyler replied, a smile still spread across his face, "I was really worried about you Cass."

I wanted to say, "That's great Tyler, but you should really leave and go home now," but-of course-I chickened out and responded, "I'm fine Tyler, really."

"Well, I just wanted to make sure that you were okay," Tyler added, "Cause that's what friends do-you know."

I sighed; turns out I didn't know that…

The rest of the visit was a blur to me. All I remember is that Tyler refused to leave my side until I was finally released from the hospital at 4:00 a.m. When I came home about a half and hour later I immediately went to bed, I thought about going online and checking to see if anyone actually noticed I was gone-but I decided not to, the truth would hurt too much.

I woke up on Sunday feeling worse than the day before. My head still ached like crazy and my forehead felt like it was on fire; the stomach flu was not being nice to me-life wasn't either.

It took all my strength to drag myself over to the computer. I slowly reached towards the on button and pressed it with all my might-this was the only thing keeping me sane.

After about five minutes of waiting, the computer finished loading. I slapped my right hand onto the mouse and moved it over the instant messenger icon. I double clicked on it and signed myself in. It was time to find out the truth-it was time to find out how my friends were doing without me.

First, I clicked on Alex's screen name and clicked on his webpage. I frowned, as my heart sank. I scrolled down to the comment section, only to find a conversation between him and Sharon about the newest pop bands. "Don't worry Cassie," I told myself, "I'm sure they didn't forget about you-they probably talked about how much they missed you on Sharon's webpage."

How could I be so stupid?

Now for the moment of truth, I clicked on Sharon's webpage-anxiously awaiting my fate. After a few moments of loading, I quickly scrolled down to the bottom of the page. My eyes glimmered in hope when I saw the sight of my name in their conversation. "Looks like they didn't forget about me after all," I spoke aloud, "I knew I had nothing to worry about."

I should've stopped myself right there, I should've exited out of Sharon's webpage and shut down the computer-but I didn't, and there was no turning back time.

It was time to find out the truth.

I continued to gaze at the screen in front of me eager to see how much I was missed. Delighted, I read through Sharon's and Alex's conversation about the dance last night. About three lines into it, my smile fell. I reread the line in front of making sure that this was for real, guess what? It was…

Sharon: Did you hear about what happened to Cass last night?

Alex: No, what happened?

Sharon: She collapsed outside of the school; Tyler found her unconscious on the floor.

Alex: Bummer, she okay?

Sharon: I don't know, I haven't heard from her in awhile. I thought about visiting her in the hospital, but Jillian would kill me if I backed out early.

Alex: Oh well, maybe next time.

The taste of copper spread throughout my mouth; as I choked on Alex's final words. I felt betrayed, neglected, and ignored. How could they do that to me? There were so many questions that I wanted answered, so many things that I wanted to scream out loud. I wanted to yell at Sharon to just forget about Jillian for once and grow a backbone-I wanted to lash out at Alex for leaving me in the middle of the schoolyard to die-but I could not, I lacked a voice-a reason for existence-was this really my life? Was this all I had to hope for? For only being second best?

That's when I got an idea-when I finally discovered how to let my emotions out.

I ran into my room and began to dig through the closet, "It has to be in here somewhere," I spoke aloud-and sure enough, there it was in the corner of my sky blue walls-my guitar. I quickly grabbed it, slowly placed the strap around my shoulder. I never tried letting my emotions out through song before-but it was never to late to try something new. Besides, it's not like there was nothing left to lose…right?

I lied down on my bed, placing my fingers to the strings of my old friend. I thought for a moment before I began to play. After a little while, the words just came to me, as I began to sing, "Me and her, I can feel this vibe…" In no time, the rest came with it:

You claimed we were equal

Now I know that's a lie

Why did you do this to me?

Do you even care?

When it's the three of us,

It's like only she's there

But is it only her there…?

...

Sick of being second best,

I can tell you it's no lie,

I tried to put up this-tried to let it me pass by

But every time I see your face,

I just wanna let it out,

I'm sick of being second best

I'm not your second best

I'm sick of being your doormat,

...

Sick of all your lies,

Just wanna see it crumble-

'Til it all subsides

I know you mean well-

But you haven't shown me

When will you realize,

This isn't all that I see…?

You don't know me.

...

But why'd you do this to me?

Do you even care?

When it's the three of us,

It's like only she's there

But is it only her there…?

...

Sick of being second best,

I can tell you it's no lie,

I tried to ignored this-tried to let it pass by

But every time I see your face,

I just wanna let it out,

I'm sick of being second best

I'm not your second best

...

When will you realize,

All the crap that you've put me through,

I wanna let you know-

That I don't feel sorry for you,

I've put up with your lies-

I've put up with mixed truth,

I just wanna let you know,

That it really must hurt

And I really do hurt.

...

Sick of being second best,

I can tell you it's no lie,

I tried to put up this-tried to let it pass by

But every time I see your face,

I just wanna let it out,

I'm sick of being second best

I'm not your Second Best

...

Cause I'm sick of being second best,

You bet it's no lie,

I've put up with this for too long-

Though I've tried to pass it by

But every time I see your face,

I just wanna scream out loud,

I'm sick of being second best

I'm not your second best,

No, I'm not your second best

...

Cause with me and her,

I can feel this vibe,

You claimed we were equal

Now I know that's a lie

I know that's a lie…

...

Cause I'm sick of being Second Best.

I stroked the last note lightly; as I slowly put down my guitar...there was nothing left to say…


Author's Note: Thanks for reading chapter eight of Ditched, sorry it took awhile to post this chapter-school has kept me pretty busy throughout the week.

Anyway, thanks again for the great reviews, favs & new alerts-I really hope you enjoyed the new chapter. I'll try to post a little sooner next week (but since it's our Homecoming, I'm not entirely sure). Until then, have a great week! : )